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My Thoughts on RAW (8/7/17): The (Not-So) Amazing French Canadian

  • Kicking off RAW is MizTV. Miz says RAW will not begin until Jason Jordan comes down to the ring. He says he's tired of being cheap-shotted on his own show and calls out Jordan again to finish what he started. Instead, Kurt Angle comes out. He says Jordan won't be on MizTV tonight because he has a match against Curtis Axel tonight. However, he says he has a guest that will exceed MizTV standards for him...Brock Lesnar. Lesnar & Paul Heyman come down to the ring and Heyman tries to talk, but Miz pulls the whole "when my hand goes up, your mouth goes shut" routine. Miz says that Lesnar is pretty much guaranteed to lose at SummerSlam and says good riddance to him. Miz asks Heyman if he has something to say, so Heyman picks up the mic and asks Miz if he & Maryse ever role-play, because that's what he's all about. Please don't put that image in my head, Paul. He says that Miz, Bo Dallas, and Curtis Axel are like Roman Reigns, Samoa Joe, and Braun Strowman and decides to give everyone a preview of SummerSlam. Lesnar easily takes out Miz & the Miztourage, suplexing each of them one time before giving them each an F-5.
  • Seth Rollins vs Sheamus with Cesaro-Rollins dropkicks Sheamus as soon as the bell rings and stomps away at him until he rolls out. Rollins tries to dive onto him, but Sheamus catches him. Rollins fights out of Sheamus' grip and dives off the apron onto him. Back in the ring, Rollins hits a springboard clothesline for a near fall before stomping away Sheamus in the corner. Sheamus halts the run by crotching Rollins on the top rope and knocking him down to the outside. Sheamus follows him out and slams him onto the apron before the commercial break. We come back to Rollins hitting a jawbreaker on Sheamus. Sheamus quickly comes back with a back elbow before starting the Ten Beats of the Bodhran, only to stop at three when the crowd counts with him. Sheamus follows up with a rolling senton and calls for the Brogue Kick, but Rollins ducks it and hits a superkick, a high knee, and an enziguri. Sheamus floors Rollins and goes to the top rope, but Rollins meets him there and hits a super Frankensteiner. Rollins quickly follows up with a superkick for a near fall before going for a powerbomb. Sheamus counters it with a back drop, but Rollins is able to recover and hit the Sling Blade. Rollins goes to the top rope, but a distraction from Sheamus causes him to jump down and get rolled up by Sheamus, who gets the three and the win. Pretty decent match. After the match, Rollins hits a suicide dive onto both men, but the numbers become too much and Cesaro & Sheamus beat him down. This time, however, Dean Ambrose doesn't run down to make the save.
  • Backstage, Seth Rollins runs into Dean Ambrose backstage. Ambrose told Rollins not to do that again and now he looks like a huge jerk. Rollins says Ambrose is a huge jerk for not letting go of a three-year grudge and asks him what he has to do to show him he's not the same guy who stabbed him in the back. Ambrose says there isn't anything and now Rollins has to go it alone, just like he'll go it alone against Cesaro tonight.
  • Jason Jordan vs Curtis Axel NOPE! Since Axel got his ass kicked by Brock Lesnar, Axel can't compete. So instead, Kurt Angle sends out some random dude with the most French-Canadian name ever just standing around in ring gear.
  • Jason Jordan vs Jean-Pierre Goulet-Yeah...this isn't working. Jordan just isn't over as a singles wrestler. The crowd is not behind him at all and actually booed him when he won with his belly-to-back neckbreaker. He's a great wrestler, but he's just not that exciting or charismatic. Also, his entrance theme is both generic & awful.
  • Charly Caruso interviews Bayley, who comes down to the ring with her arm in a sling. She's so distraught that she didn't even put her hair in a side ponytail. It's confirmed that Bayley can't compete at SummerSlam against Alexa Bliss for the RAW Women's Championship. This girl can not catch a break on the main roster. She cuts a pretty bland, nothing promo as the crowd boos her. Charly then drops the news that Bayley's spot will be filled following two triple threat matches tonight. The first of which starts next.
  • Sasha Banks vs Alicia Fox vs Emma-Alexa Bliss takes a seat on commentary for this match. Sasha throws Emma out of the ring to start, only to get knocked down by a big boot from Fox. Sasha knees Alicia in the face but gets pulled out of the ring by Emma, who gives Sasha a brutal wheelbarrow suplex right into the apron. Emma & Fox go back and forth in the ring until Sasha takes out Emma with a Shining Wizard. Banks gives each women double knees in the corner before giving Sasha a hanging knee drop. Emma throws Sasha out of the ring to steal the pin, but Fox barely "kicks out." I add the quotation marks because it really didn't look like she kicked out. The three women trade roll ups before Sasha locks in the Bank Statement on Fox. Emma breaks it up and rolls up Sasha, but Sasha kicks out and turns it into the Bank Statement for the submission win. Man, something about this just didn't really work. It just kind of felt really sloppy at times.
  • Renee Young interviews Braun Strowman. He says he likes hurting Roman Reigns and says when he's around, the Big Dog is just a puppy. He says tonight, he breaks Reigns' spirit and at SummerSlam, he becomes the Universal Champion.
  • Enzo Amore comes down to the ring. Big Show comes down to the ring and they say pretty much the exact same things they've been saying since Great Balls of Fire until Gallows & Anderson come out. They say Enzo & Show haven't won anything together and challenge them right now. Enzo responds by saying that Gallows & Anderson look like Dr. Evil & Mini Me before accepting the challenge.
  • Enzo Amore & Big Show vs Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson-So Show kicks both Gallows & Anderson's asses right off the bat and sends them running before the commercial break. We come back to Gallows & Anderson beating down Enzo.They get the heat on Enzo before Big Cass comes out. This distracts Show long enough for Gallows to boot him off the apron. Enzo manages to counter the Magic Killer but gets kicked in the face by Anderson, who gets the three and the win. After the match, Cass attacks Show, only for Enzo to hit him with a suicide dive. Cass then throws Enzo into the barricade. Enzo tries to get away from Cass and lures him right into a KO Punch by Big Show.
  • Finn Balor comes down to the ring. He says Bray Wyatt loves to talk and says he gives him the creeps. He says Wyatt cares more about people fearing him than he does about wins & losses. However, he says he kicks fear in the face tells Wyatt that next time he comes for him, he better not miss. He ends by saying whatever Wyatt starts, he will finish. Suddenly, Wyatt's screen effect hits and Wyatt appears in the ring with Balor sitting on the top turnbuckle. Balor kicks Wyatt's ass before hitting the Sling Blade. He sets up for the corner dropkick, but the lights go out and when they come back on, Wyatt is on the screen.
  • Cesaro with Sheamus vs Dean Ambrose-The two attempt to take eachother down multiple times before trading holds. The two go back and forth, trading holds & trying to overpower eachother. Cesaro beats down Ambrose in the corner before Ambrose hits a clothesline. Ambrose goes for 10 punches in the corner, but Cesaro counters and drops him face first onto the top turnbuckle. Cesaro follows up with a clothesline for a near fall before going to the headlock. Ambrose fights out and hits a swinging neckbreaker before clotheslining Cesaro out of the ring. Ambrose hits a plancha onto Cesaro, but a distraction from Sheamus allows Cesaro to catch Ambrose with an uppercut before the commercial break. We come back to Cesaro working over Ambrose with the dreaded ABDOMINAL STRETCH! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THAT MAN HAS A FAMILY! Cesaro breaks the hold and goes to the top rope, but Ambrose meets him there. Cesaro stands up on the ring post and sets up to superplex Ambrose to the outside, but Ambrose counters with a superplex of his own. Ambrose strikes away at Cesaro until Cesaro catches him off a crossbody with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Cesaro works over Ambrose's back with forearms before Ambrose fires back with forearms of his own. Cesaro locks in a Canadian backbreaker rack, but Ambrose fights out and strikes away at Cesaro. Ambrose hits running forearms and a clothesline, but Cesaro is able to catch him with a huge uppercut for a near fall. Cesaro hits two gutwrench suplexes for a near fall before going for the Neutralizer. Ambrose counters it with a backdrop before going for Dirty Deeds. Cesaro blocks that and goes for the Sharpshooter, but Ambrose blocks that and sends Cesaro out of the ring. Ambrose goes for a suicide dive, but Cesaro catches him coming through the ropes with an uppercut, but Ambrose kicks out of the pin attempt. Cesaro suplexes Ambrose onto the top rope before taking him up to the top rope for a superplex. Ambrose counters it with a front suplex and cradles Cesaro for a near fall. The two trade blows before Ambrose hits the Lunatic Lariat. Ambrose goes for Dirty Deeds, but a distraction by Sheamus allows Cesaro to lock in the Sharpshooter. Ambrose is able to break the hold by getting to the ropes before back dropping Cesaro out of the ring. Ambrose goes to the top rope and hits a flying elbow to the outside. Ambrose throws Cesaro back into the ring and goes to the top rope, but Sheamus distracts him and makes him jump down. Cesaro tries to roll him up, but Ambrose counters and rolls up Cesaro for the three and the win. Fine match, nothing special, probably went on too long. After the match, Sheamus & Cesaro beat down Ambrose, only for Seth Rollins to run down and make the save. Rollins & Ambrose stand tall in the ring alone and after an eternity, Ambrose extends a fist, but Rollins walks off.
  • In the locker room, Titus Worldwide celebrates Akira Tozawa becoming the #1 contender for the Cruiserweight Championship before Neville shows up. He says Tozawa crushed Ariya Daivari's championship dreams and in his match against Tozawa tonight, he has nothing to lose.
  • Ariya Daivari vs Akira Tozawa-Titus O'Neil decides to take a seat at commentary for this match. Tozawa locks Daivari in a hammerlock to start, but Daivari breaks it and clotheslines Daivari for a near fall. Daivari follows up with a backbreaker for a near fall. Daivari controls the match until Tozawa hits a Frankensteiner and knocks Daivari to the outside with a jumping forearm. Tozawa hits a suicide dive for a near fall but gets caught trying to slip under Daivari. Daivari targets Tozawa's previously injured shoulder, but Tozawa quickly hits a side suplex before hitting the top rope senton bomb for the three and the win.
  • Renee Young interviews Roman Reigns. He says he doesn't care what Brock Lesnar does before turning his attention to Braun Strowman. He says he'll be the last man standing in his Last Man Standing match against Strowman tonight.
  • Mickie James vs Dana Brooks vs Nia Jax-Dana Brooke didn't get an entrance. That's how irrelevant she is in this match. Once again, Alexa Bliss is sitting in on commentary. Nia starts by throwing her opponents around, evening throwing Mickie at Dana at one point. Mickie & Dana take Nia out of the match at one point, leaving them to duke it out in the ring. Mickie hits a neckbreaker for a near fall and goes for the Mickie-DT, but Nia stops her. Nia Jax then kills Dana Brooke with a clothesline. Like, she is dead now. I know she got and hopped up on Nia's back right after this, but she's dead now. Nia ends up finishing her off with a leg drop for the three and the win. It's Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax next week, with the winner facing Alexa Bliss at SummerSlam for the RAW Women's Championship.
  • Goldust cuts a promo. He says absence makes the heart grow fonder and says he has so much love to give. He says he can't wait to show everyone his next masterpiece and calls SummerSlam "the big audition."
  • Backstage, Big Cass demands a match with Big Show at SummerSlam to Kurt Angle. He also demands that Enzo Amore be locked in a shark cage and suspended above the ring. Angle books it. What is that like, three matches where someone is hung above the ring in a shark cage in the span of a year? They didn't do any of these matches for like 20 years, but now they keep doing them. Why?
    Oh, right. Must not be selling well or something.
  • Braun Strowman vs Roman Reigns in a Last Man Standing match-Strowman meets Reigns on the entrance ramp and the match starts outside the ring. Strowman throws Reigns into the barricade before throwing him into the ring. Reigns tries for a Samoan Drop, but Strowman sandbags him and beats him down. Strowman controls the match heading into the commercial break. We come back to Strowman throwing the ring steps into the ring before throwing Reigns into the ring. Reigns fights back with clotheslines before hitting a big boot. Strowman stays on his feet, so Reigns gives him another big boot. Reigns hits Strowman with the ring steps before dropping them across a downed Strowman. Strowman manages to beat the 10 count, so Reigns goes for the Superman Punch. Strowman blocks it and throws him into the corner before hitting a Yokosuka Cutter. Reigns beats the count, so Strowman goes for the running powerslam. Reigns avoids it and counters Strowman's attempt at a pop-up with a Superman Punch. Reigns calls for the Spear, but Strowman catches him with a dropkick. Reigns beats the count and sends Strowman into the ring post and out of the ring. Both men beat the count before Reigns hits the drive by dropkick before grabbing a table from under the ring. Reigns goes for another drive by, but Strowman catches him with a clothesline. Strowman sets up the table as Reigns gets to his feet. Strowman brings Reigns over to the table, but Reigns tees off on Strowman with forearms before giving Strowman a Samoan Drop through the table. Both men are able to beat the referee's count, with Strowman rolling out of the ring. Reigns tries for a spear, but Strowman just throws a computer chair right at his face.
    It's hilarious. Reigns barely beats the count before the two brawl into the crowd. The two fight over to the announce table, where Reigns gives Strowman a drive by dropkick up against the stage. Strowman responds by throwing Reigns into the screens. Reigns beats the count, so Strowman rams him into the screens. Strowman takes apart the announce table as Reigns gets to his feet. Strowman tries to powerbomb Reigns through the table, but Reigns fights out and hits two Superman Punches. Reigns tries to spear Strowman on the ramp, but Strowman blocks it with a kick. Strowman walks all the way down the ramp, only for Reigns to hit a huge spear after running all the way from the stage. Reigns has Strowman dead to rights, only for Samoa Joe to pop up out of the crowd and choke out Reigns with the Coquina Clutch. Both men are down at 9, only for Strowman to get up just in time and get the win. Awesome, hard-hitting match.




OK, one more time.

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