But first! A quick recap of In Your House: It's Time, which happened the day before this episode of RAW.
- In a dark match, Brakkus made his debut and defeated Dr. X (Tom Prichard under a mask.)
- On the Free for All, Rocky Maivia defeated Salvatore Sincere by disqualification
- Flash Funk defeated Leif Cassidy after hitting a 450 splash, which Jim Ross incorrectly calls a shooting star press.
- Owen Hart & The British Bulldog retained the WWF Tag Team Championships against the Fake Razor Ramon & Diesel. Bulldog made the cover after Hart hit a spinning wheel kick on Razor. Early in the match, AAA's Pierroth and Cibernético both popped up at ringside...just because. Also during the match, Stone Cold Steve Austin came down to ringside, prompting Bulldog to attack him mid-match. After the match, Austin popped up again and attacked Bulldog from behind.
- Ahmed Johnson has an interview with Vince McMahon. After announcing that Johnson will face Faarooq at the Royal Rumble, Johnson says he's lost almost everything because of his injury, but he still has his fans before saying something completely unintelligible about Faarooq. This brings out the entire Nation of Domination from the crowd. He says if the crowd didn't suck, he'd put his foot up Johnson's butt (his words, not mine) before calling him an "Uncle Tom." He says that once he's done with Faarooq, he'll show everyone that, and I quote "when they say "promise land", they say Faarooq." What? Johnson challenges him to come down to the ring and gets the crowd to chant "YOU'RE GOING DOWN!" before the Nation leaves.
- Marc Mero defeated the Intercontinental Champion Hunter Hearst Helmsley by countout. The finish saw Goldust come down to ringside while the referee was down and hit both Mero and Helmsley with the title belt. Mero was able to beat the count, leaving Helmsley to get counted out. Sable then tried to celebrate with Mero despite him not winning the title (because's she's sh*t) but Mero has none of it. After the match, Mero rolled Helmsley back in the ring and hit the Wild Thing before leaving with the belt. As Helmsley was leaving the ring, Goldust attacked again. For context, Goldust was not happy Helmsley made a pass at Marlena.
- Alright, brace yourselves, because this match is pretty nutty. The Undertaker faced the Executioner in an "Armageddon Rules" match, aka a Texas Deathmatch. Midway through the match, Mankind ran down to interfere, tripping over the overturned padding along the way.Taker is able to fight off both men as the match goes up to the In Your House set, where Taker throws Mankind through the fake window, followed by the fake door. Eventually, security restrains Mankind with a straightjacket as Taker and the Executioner fight all the way out of the building. The next thing we see from these two is the Executioner tumbling down a fountain outside the West Palm Beach Auditorium.
Taker heads back to the arena to beat up Mankind some more as the Executioner briskly jogs back to the ring. Taker quickly hits the Tombstone Piledriver and gets the three, followed by the Executioner failing to answer the referee's 10 count, giving Taker the win. That's it for the Executioner in this series. He'll have one more match on Superstars before leaving the WWF.
- In the main event, Sycho Sid defended the WWF Championship against Bret Hart with Shawn Michaels on commentary. Late in the match, Hart was sent to the outside, prompting Steve Austin to run down and attack Hart before Owen Hart & The British Bulldog ran down to make the save. Later in the match, the fight goes to the outside where Michaels gets into with both Hart and Sid. After Sid pie-faces Michaels, Michaels hops up on the ring apron. This prompts Sid to throw Hart into Michaels before hitting the powerbomb for the three and the win to retain the championship. After the match, Hart attacks Michaels.
- After the show, Stone Cold Steve Austin defeated Goldust in a dark match
- In another dark match, Shawn Michaels defeated Mankind to end the night.
RAW
RAW kicks off with Jim Ross interviewing Bret Hart. He says there is no good reason that he isn't the WWF Champion now and says that the WWF isn't the same now that he's back. He says the problem with the WWF is that there are no rules before telling everyone in the WWF that he doesn't need any rules. He calls Shawn Michaels a "little prissy" and says that Michaels can't accept that he's not as himself. He says he'll do anything to get back to the top of the WWF before announcing his "candidacy" in the Royal Rumble. Why did he say it like that? Anyway, he says he's going to be taking a seat at commentary for the rest of the night, and he takes JR's seat.
Vader with Jim Cornette vs Steve Austin
In a match that was supposed to take place a month ago, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vader face off in a "Toughman Contest." If it's anything like the last "Toughman Contest" then this will be a singles match with no special stipulations. Just like the last Toughman Contest, these two forego actual wrestling for the most part and just beat the hell out of eachother. The two fight all around and ringside and even in the crowd. Eventually, the fight goes back into the ring, where Vader floors Austin with a body block and goes for the Vader Bomb. Austin proceeds to counter that with a low blow in full view of the referee, and it goes uncalled. The match continues until Vader dumps Austin out of the ring. This prompts Hart to leave the commentary table and take out Austin's knee with a chop. Hart then locks in the Sharpshooter on Austin, finally prompting the referee to call for a DQ. Vader responds to this by attacking Hart. The two brawl before referees separate the two, prompting Hart to lock Austin in the Sharpshooter again. The match was fun while it lasted, even if the referee looked like an idiot for missing a low blow that happened right in front of him.
Fake Razor Ramon & Fake Diesel vs The Godwinns
Phineas Godwinn spits in his hand and then flicks it at Razor at the beginning of the match. Gross. The Godwinns end up getting a lot of offense on the imposter wrestlers early on until Razor whiffs on a cheap shot on Henry Godwinn, distracting him and allowing Diesel to take control. The heels control the match until Henry hits an ugly hair pull takedown and a clothesline before making the hot tag to Phineas. Phineas runs wild until Razor catches him with a forearm to the back and goes for the Blade Outskirt (the imposter Razor's Edge.) Henry saves him with a Slop Drop, but Diesel uses the distraction to hit another ugly Swallow Dive powerbomb on Phineas.
Razor crawls over, makes the cover, and gets the three for the win in a match that was not very good. A lot of sloppy wrestling, especially from the fake Razor and Diesel.
Vince McMahon interviews Sycho Sid. He says that no one will be able to beat him for the title because he is the master. When asked about the Royal Rumble, he says he thrives on adversity and that it'll be a sweet victory when he beats Shawn Michaels in his hometown. He warns Jose Lothario to stay home and away from the Royal Rumble.
This leads into Shawn Michaels getting interviewed by Vince McMahon. He says his problem with Sid is not that he beat him for the WWF Championship, but that he attacked Jose Lothario and says that, unlike Bret Hart, he's not going to cry and whine. He says it'll lay it all on the line at the Royal Rumble and win the WWF Championship before saying that Hart is not Shawn Michaels, even if he wanted to be.
Doug Furnas & Phil LaFon vs TL Hopper & Dr. X
Oh, Jesus, the wrestling plumber is back. It's been quite since he's been on RAW, and for good reason because he's one of the worst gimmicks I've ever seen. Dr. X, as mentioned before, is Tom Prichard/Zip under a mask. Unsurprisingly, Furnas & LaFon dominate the majority of the match, squashing the jobbers before LaFon hits a cobra clutch suplex on Hopper for the win.
Vince McMahon interviews Billy Gunn. He says he's carried his brother Bart Gunn the whole time they were a team and that tonight, he's going to show everyone that he is the top Gunn.
It's the Karate Fighters tournament finals between Jerry Lawler and Sable. The fact that the crowd was not booing this into oblivion makes me assume they're dubbing in the crowd noise. Since Sable has Marc Mero by her side, Lawler gets Hunter Hearst Helmsley to stand by him for this. Lawler says that no woman can beat a king, which Sable responds to with something so quiet you can't hear it. Sable wins, Lawler accuses her of cheating, Mero gets in his face, the heels beatdown Mero. The beatdown continues until Goldust runs down to make the save, inadvertently chop blocking Sable in the process.
Goldust beats down Helmsley and sends him packing as Mero chases him to the back. Meanwhile, Lawler grabs the mic and calls Goldust a freak. Lawler says that Goldust should be happy that Helmsley made a pass at Marlena because he's a real man before asking Goldust is he is, in his own words, "queer." Goldust says no and clocks Lawler, standing tall in the ring as Marlena comes down. And thus, Goldust is now officially a face. Then again, "not being gay" has to be one of the strangest ways to ever turn face.
Billy Gunn vs Bart Gunn
THE SMOKING GUNNS EXPLODE! It's the main event no one asked for as brothers face-off. Speaking of main events, this is Billy Gunn's third main event in four weeks. I'm pretty sure he's main evented more episodes of RAW in the last month then he did in his entire career. Instant brawl to start the match as a cheap shot clothesline from Billy sends both men out of the ring before the bell sounds. The match is fairly short and very boring, with Billy controlling the majority of the match until the finish. Bart counters an Irish whip and hits Billy with the Stun Gun, and Billy goes limp. The match is thrown out as Billy doesn't move. Both men's wives run-in as Billy's wife yells at Bart. Luckily, Gunn wasn't seriously injured and he'd be back by WrestleMania. Unfortunately, that leads to him becoming...
Yeah...
That's it for RAW. Onto Nitro...
Nitro
Nitro kicks off with the nWo immediately interrupting Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko. Eric Bischoff, Ted DiBiase, and Vincent demand the commentators leave, forcing them out of their seats as Bischoff & DiBiase take up commentary duties. They run down Rowdy Roddy Piper before throwing it to the first match of the night.
Lord Steven Regal (c) vs Psychosis-WCW Television Championship
Psychosis starts off the match by leading the crowd in a "USA" chant. The crowd is chanting "USA" against Steve Regal, who is a foreigner, and in support of Psychosis, who is also a foreigner. God, I hate that. Outside of a messy roll-up counter from Regal and Psychosis landing right on the back of his head off a Super Frankensteiner, this match is pretty good. It starts off with mostly straight forward wrestling, only to pick up big time in the second half when Psychosis starts pulling out a bunch of dives and top rope moves. Regal responds by dropping him on his head with a German suplex before he just beats the sh*t out of him. The two trade moves before Regal counters a charging Psychosis with an electric chair drop before locking in the Regal Stretch for the submission win. Pretty entertaining match, definitely worth a watch. Maybe mute the sound because Bischoff & DiBiase do the match no favors, as they spend the majority of the match talking about how great Hollywood Hulk Hogan is.
Big Bubba vs Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Much like the last match, this is a big clash of styles. This one is short and action is pretty solid. At one point, Chavo Guerrero just flat out hits a Rear View. Bischoff just says "what the hell was that?" Bubba wins when Chavo jumps into a side slam for the three and the win.
Mean Gene Okerlund interviews Sonny Onoo and Masahiro Chono. Idiot commentators Bischoff and DiBiase proceed to SPOIL THE REVEAL AND TELL EVERYONE THAT CHONO IS IN THE NWO! According to Mean Gene, Chono has not signed with New Japan Pro Wrestling just yet but has signed up to join the nWo, as he reveals when he opens up his jacket. Yes, the nWo has its first international member.
nWo members: 13
This comes as a surprise to Onoo, as Chono yells at him in Japanese. When Mean Gene asks him what he said, Onoo repeats it to him in Japanese, prompting Mean Gene to yell 'IN ENGLISH, YOU IDIOT!" Chono proceeds to rough up Onoo and toss him away before making his way to the ring for his debut on Nitro.
Masahiro Chono vs Chris Jericho
These two are about a month away from jerking the curtain for nWo Souled Out 1997, which is one of the worst pay-per-views ever run. Chono has absolutely none of Jericho's offense, no selling all of it early on and just dominates him for the majority of the match. Chono finally sells something after a superplex before Jericho hits a spinning wheel kick. Jericho then proceeds to hit whatever the f*ck this was:
So, Jericho goes to the top rope and looks like he's going for a spinning wheel kick (I think?), but Chono ducks so Jericho just smacks him on the back. Funny enough, Chono, who has sold exactly two moves this entire match, sells whatever this was. Eventually, Jericho gets his foot caught between the ropes and is hung upside down. Chono takes the opportunity to beat down Jericho, which prompts the referee to DQ him and give Jericho the win. This was pretty rough. Chono gave Jericho nothing pretty much the entire match and it suffered because of it. All of that just so the match can end in a DQ. Poor.
Mean Gene interviews the Four Horsemen minus Chris Benoit & Woman, who become the subject of this interview. Arn Anderson says that Woman has poisoned both Kevin Sullivan and now Benoit before saying that he'll fix Sullivan's broken heart with a broken body. That's a pretty good line. Debra interjects and says Benoit hit on her and talks about beauty pageants and how ugly women is wrestling are. Flair loses his voice when he tries to say that Hollywood Hulk Hogan will pay the price at Starrcade before saying he's going to Kevin Greene's house for a victory party.
Dean Malenko vs Dave Sammartino
How in the f*ck is David Sammartino on television in 1996? Who made that call? If the last name didn't give it away, Dave Sammartino is the son of the legendary Bruno Sammartino. He used to work for the WWF and wrestled at the first WrestleMania. The only problem was he wasn't all that great and was never booked to be anything other than Bruno's son and only got high profile matches when his dad was involved. Even at WrestleMania, where his dad managed him against Brutus Beefcake, he gets introduced before his father, cementing how much of an afterthought he was. His time with the WWF ended after he went off script and submitted to a jobber in a match he was supposed to win. That was 11 years ago. Now he's dropped 40 pounds and he's in the cruiserweight division for all of ONE MATCH. After this match, he has one dark match and then that's it for him in WCW. This match is nothing, as Malenko wrestles circles around Sammartino before pinning him with a double chickenwing, despite Sammartino's shoulders being off the mat.
Hour two sees WCW take back over the commentary table as Bischoff & DiBiase turn it over to Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, and Mike Tenay.
Jerry Flynn vs Ice Train with Teddy Long
Jerry Flynn looks like a karate instructor who stumbled into a wrestling ring half drunk. Also, Flynn establishes himself as the heel by yelling "GET OUT OF MY FACE!" to the cameraman before mocking the fans...I think. This guy has jobber written all over him, so it's no surprise that Ice Train makes pretty quick work of him. Flynn does get a decent amount of offense in, yelling every time he kicks Ice Train until Ice Train hulks up, catches a kick and locks in the ankle lock for the submission win.
Immediately after the match, Syxx comes out from the back and screams into the mic to introduce the Outsiders. Hall says that Hollywood Hulk Hogan will take care of Roddy Piper before Nash says that they don't want to wait for Starrcade to beat the Faces of Fear, so they're challenging them tonight.
Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Bobby Eaton
I've started to notice that Nitro has a habit of putting these short, decent matches featuring 80s stars who could still go but were definitely passed their prime. A lot of the time, it involves Bobby Eaton. As I said, this is a decent match, albeit not as exciting as you'd expect a Rey Mysterio match to be at this time. There is one really ugly moment where Mysterio spikes himself on a headscissor takeover from the apron. Mysterio got the win after hitting a second rope Frankensteiner.
We get another video of Chris Benoit and Woman taunting Kevin Sullivan with their affair. They mock Sullivan before Benoit calls him a loser. He ends by saying it' feels great gaining what Sullivan lost.
Kevin Sullivan with Jimmy Hart vs Arn Anderson
Obviously, the video pissed of Sullivan, so he doesn't wait for the bell to attack Anderson. The two fight at ringside, during which Sullivan throws a chair at Anderson's head while the referee is distracted with Jimmy Hart. Anderson tries to deliver a chair shot of his own, but Sullivan ducks and Anderson smashes the ring post. The whole match is a huge brawl, as they fight into the crowd before going back to the ring. Anderson smacks the referee away, allowing Sullivan to poke Anderson in the eye. Anderson stumbles in the referee, so he DDTs him. I know they play it off like Anderson thought it was Sullivan, but I think it's funnier if he just DDT for funsies. Sullivan puts Anderson in the Tree of Woe and tries to hit him with a running knee, but Anderson stops him by just straight up punching him in the dick.
Naturally, that incapacitates Sullivan, which brings out Hugh Morrus. He eats an immediate DDT, so Konnan runs down. He gets booted off the apron before Jimmy Hart gets pulled into the ring by Anderson. Anderson goes for the DDT on Hart, only for Konnan to hand Sullivan and chair. Sullivan smashes Anderson across the back as Hart wakes up the referee to count the three. Sullivan picks up the win as the Dungeon of Doom scrambles before Mongo runs down with his briefcase. It was a fun brawl to start, but by the end, it just got wacky & convoluted.
Rick Steiner with Scott Steiner vs Sting
As the Steiners come down to the ring, we see Sting up in the rafters before he walks away into the darkness. Sting comes down through the crowd...only for another Sting to come down through the crowd as well. The commentators wonder which one is the real Sting, even though just by looking at them you can tell which one is real and which one is Cobra cosplaying as the Crow. Schiavone says the one on the left is real because "he's acting a little bit darker." What does that mean? Sting hits nWo Sting's bat out of his hand before tossing his bat to Rick Steiner. Both Stings turn their backs to the Steiners, only for the real Sting to give nWo Sting a Scorpion Death Drop. Steiner throws his bat back to Sting before he exits through the crowd.
Outcomes Hollywood Hulk Hogan and the nWo. Ted DiBiase demands everyone show respect to Hogan before Hogan calls out Roddy Piper, who is not at the show tonight. Hogan says he was a star as soon as he started wrestling and then gets Miss Elizabeth to kiss him on the cheek. After DiBiase tells Hogan that Piper left when he showed up and tells Piper that he'll rip him limb from limb and put him away like he did to Randy Savage and Ric Flair. Hogan poses and grandstands to close the...
The Outsiders vs The Faces of Fear with Jimmy Hart
Wait, the show's still going? Maybe I've just been conditioned to think Hogan posing was a show closer, but that felt like the end of the show. But yeah, there's still this match. Well, calling this a "match" is generous. Both teams brawl until Big Bubba runs down...and attacks MENG! Yep, Big Bubba's has turned on the Dungeon of Doom and is now in the nWo.
nWo members: 14
Kevin Sullivan runs down and gets immediately attacked by Bubba, further cementing his turn. Konnan & Hugh Morrus run down to make the save, which brings out the rest of the nWo, followed by a bunch of WCW guys. The strangest moment of this comes when Scott Norton & Ice Train come down to join the fight. Norton & Ice Train used to be a tag team, but they split up like four months ago. Norton takes the opportunity to attack Ice Train and give him a DDT. So...does that mean he's in the nWo? I know he is at one point, but is this actually official, because they don't make much mention of it on commentary. He's beating up WCW guys in this brawl, so...I guess.
nWo members: 15
The brawl continues until Sting arrives. Just to clarify, tonight we not only saw how to prove to which Sting is the real Sting, but we also saw Sting beat up a member of the nWo. That after we've already seen him beat up that same member of the nWo. So, what do the WCW guys do? Attack him, of course. Arn Anderson gets decked, Mongo gets decked, Rey Mysterio jumps on his back and gets tossed off. Sting takes that opportunity to leave the ring as the show closes mid-brawl. Man, the WCW wrestlers are stupid. The commentators wonder why Sting didn't hit any members of the nWo. This after watching the WCW guys all attack Sting while the nWo guys didn't. It's incredible how dumb & incompetent WCW made their wrestlers look during this whole nWo-era. F*cking hell.
And that's it. Both these shows were pretty terrible. RAW had one short, fun match and an entertaining squash, but that was it. Add on a bad tag match, a toy fighters tournament, and yet another Billy Gunn main event and that was the show. Nitro, however, was worse. There were decent matches, plus an entertaining Regal-Psicosis match, but just about everything else sucked. The major angles (Hogan vs Piper, Sting, the nWo) all had segments that were, at best, nothing, and at worst, really dumb. Sting had a good moment, only for WCW to completely ruin it in 20 minutes. Point to RAW, not because it was good, but because at least the stuff on that show made sense.
RAW: 24
Nitro: 37
Thanks for reading! Be sure to share if you enjoyed and come back next week for the next edition of RAW vs Nitro.
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