Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Worst in the World: Mabel vs The Undertaker-King of the Ring 1995

Welp...Mabel's back. It's been a while since the 500 pounder found his way onto the Worst in the World, but he's back and ready to be awful still. This time he goes up against the Undertaker, who is a lot better when he's facing smaller guys like Shawn Michaels, Jeff Hardy, or Kurt Angle, and not giants who can't really work too well like Giant Gonzales, Mark Henry, and...well. Mabel. They square off in a first round match up in the 1995 King of the Ring tournament. If your a WWE history buff like me, you probably already know who wins this infamous King of the Ring tournament, and therefore the match. If you aren't, well...be prepared.
The match kicks off with Undertaker attempting to knock Mabel off his feet...and he succeeds. Kind of kills the importance of the "giant can't be knocked off his feet" spot if you do it within the first minute of the match. It would be like if Hulk Hogan bodyslammed Andre the Giant on the first attempt at WrestleMania III. Undertaker hits Old School before choking Mabel in the corner. Mabel reverses an Irish whip attempt and hits the most stilted wrestling move I've ever seen. Mabel pulls Taker in, stops, and then hits an STO without sweeping the leg, which makes no sense. Taker sits up and then stands up, only for Mabel to clothesline him to the outside.
After countering a Mabel forearm club, Taker tries to get back in the ring, but Mabel pushes him out of the ring, only for Taker getting his foot caught in the ropes. After getting freed, Taker hits some throat chops followed by another choke spot, but Mabel's tag team partner Mo distracts Taker long enough for Mabel to hit a nice belly-to-belly suplex. Mabel locks in a lazy Camel Clutch, just sitting on Taker's back, without the arms pulled back, and barley wrenching on the rear chin lock. After a minute of that hold, Mabel tosses Taker from the ring.
Mabel follows Taker out of the ring and tosses him into the stairs before rolling back in to get a count out win. Taker gets back in at 2. A little optimistic is Mabel. Mabel steps on Taker a bunch before continuing to dominate Taker before he blocks a very slow Ho Train by getting a boot up. Taker whips Mabel into the ropes, only for Mabel to slowly walk up and hit a piledriver for a two count. They follow that up with a rest spot double shoulder tackle, taking both men down. Mabel beats the 10 count and goes for an elbow drop, which Taker "dodges", not actually getting out of the way in time.
Undertaker runs wild...only to go for ANOTHER CHOKE SPOT! JESUS CHRIST! What is with the choke spots? Are they just getting blown up this easily that they have to take a break every minute or so? This is like the third choke spot this match. This one annoyed me because it came during the babyface comeback for Taker, when he should be trying to get the crowd behind him he's GRABBING A GUY BY THE THROAT AND STANDING. Piss off.
Mabel whips Taker into the corner, accidentally hitting the referee in the process. Yes, because this really needed a ref bump. Taker hits a jumping clothesline and calls for a chokeslam, which he hits. Mabel couldn't really jump that high, but it's still better than the one Hulk Hogan took. Taker makes the cover, but Kama (aka Papa Shango, aka The Godfather, aka Charles Wright) runs in and kicks Taker in the head. Yes, cause after the ref bump, all this match was missing was interference. Mabel hits a leg drop and gets the win.

The Verdict

This was so much worse than I could have imagined. A lot of stunted offense, a lot of rest spots, and far too much bullsh*t for a match like this. It went on too long and, quite obviously, the wrong person won. Mabel went on to win King of the Ring later in the night, and is widely regarded as the worst in history. That might've changed after the reign of King Barrett (aka King Take-a-Loss), but still, he was awful. Terrible match. I expected nothing, and I was still disappointed.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1.  Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
  2. Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
  3. T&A vs Head Cheese-WrestleMania 2000
  4. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  5. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  6. Rick Rude vs Hawk-Clash of the Champions XXV
  7. Shelton Benjamin vs Viscera-New Year's Revolution 2006
  8. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  9. The Natural Disasters vs Money Inc.-WrestleMania VIII
  10. ODB, Taylor Wilde, and Roxxi vs The Kongtourage-Genesis 2009
  11. Ivory vs Tori-SummerSlam 1999
  12. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  13. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  14. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  15. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  16. Dusty Rhodes vs Big Boss Man-Saturday Night's Main Event (10/31/1989)
  17. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  18. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Souled Out 1997
  19. Dustin Rhodes & King Kong vs Awesome Kong & The Equalizer-Battlebowl
  20. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
  21. Sting & Hawk vs Meng & Kurasawa-Clash of the Champions XXXI
  22. Hulk Hogan vs Randy Savage-Uncensored 1998
  23. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  24. Mickie James vs Ashley-Royal Rumble 2006
  25. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  26. Team WCW vs nWo Wolfpac vs nWo Hollywood-Fall Brawl 1998
  27. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
  28. Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania III
  29. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
  30. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
  31. Jim Steele vs The Equalizer-SuperBrawl IV
  32. Edge vs Triple H vs Vladimir Kozlov-Survivor Series 2008
  33. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  34. Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
  35. Scott Hall vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl IX
  36. Scott Steiner vs Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Road Warrior Animal-Sin
  37. Hollywood Hogan vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl 1997
  38. Batista vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2007
  39.  Sable vs Tori-WrestleMania XV
  40. Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII
  41. The 8-Divas Tag Match-Survivor Series 1999
  42. Rick Rude vs Masahiro Chono-Halloween Havoc 1992
  43. Mike Awesome vs Vampiro-Halloween Havoc 2000
  44. Mabel vs The Undertaker-King of the Ring 1995
  45. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  46. Abdullah the Butcher vs One Man Gang-Heroes of Wrestling
  47. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  48. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  49. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
  50. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
  51. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996 
  52. Kaitlyn vs Maxine-NXT (10/19/10)
  53. Sabu vs The Sandman-November to Remember 1997
  54. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
  55. John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
  56. Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus-Triplemania XXIII
  57. Jenna Morasca vs Sharmell-Victory Road 2009

And up next on the list is...
Oh boy...this one is going to be rough.
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