- That title, by the way, is what you learn from two years of public high school French classes.
- I lied. I don't remember jack sh*t from those classes. I Google translated that title. I'm just a phony
- Also, before the show, JBL says the WWE loves that the fans are having fun. I'll just leave this here to refute that.
- We kick off with Vince McMahon. The crowd sings along to his music, which Vince immediately shutting them down by saying Shane had "no chance in hell" last night. He brings up the new WWE Champion Roman Reigns, earning a chorus of boos, and that because of last night, nobody has anything on him. Vince says there was one moment last night that got to him, and that was when Shane jumped off the cell. He didn't think Shane would take the risk, and that it earned him his respect, but proved he was foolish. He says the crowd for the RAW after WrestleMania is always the craziest, and that he hopes they enjoy RAW. Outcomes Shane, with a big bruise on his face and a ginger walk. He thanks the crowd for the applause, and says he's the only man in the McMahon family. He offers Vince a handshake and admits he won, before thanking the fans again, nearly in tears, for welcoming him back. The crowd chants "You Still Got It", but Vince shuts them down again and blames Shane's injuries on the crowd. Shane says goodbye, but Vince tells him to comeback because "nobody upstages him". Vince says to prove his point that RAW would be chaos with him in charge, that Shane will run RAW tonight!
- New Day comes out for a promo with Woods having one of the big Booty-O's hanging from his unicorn horn. They say things didn't go as planned at WrestleMania. Xavier accepts blame for getting the Stunner last night. They serenade the Booty-O, and say they're going to get their win back on the League of Nations and remain the W-W-E-WORLD-TAG-TEAM-CHAMPIONS (which the crowd chants)
- I don't normally bring up the commercials they play during RAW, but did you see the commercial for Dolph Ziggler's movie Countdown? WHAT WAS THAT!? That movie looks beyond ridiculous. Rusev playing Rusev held Ziggler playing Not Ziggler up at gunpoint, and Ziggler playing Not Ziggler superkicked him to take him out. VIKTOR GOT A CAMEO! WHAT IS THIS MOVIE?!
- The New Day (Kofi Kingston & Big E) vs The League of Nations (King Barrett & Sheamus) for the Tag Team Championships-First off, Del Rio looks so bored during the League of Nations entrance. I bet he's thinking "I deserve better than this." I don't think he's saying that because I think he deserves better, I'm saying that because I bet he thinks he deserves to be a main eventer. Nobody else does. Sheamus and Kofi start with a back and forth exchange, ending with New Day clearing the ring and Kofi hitting an assisted body press to Sheamus. Kofi goes to the top rope, but Rusev distracts him long enough for Sheamus to knock him off. Barrett tags in and goes to work on Kofi as we go to commercial. We come back with Kofi in a headlock by Sheamus. The crowd is already doing a Mexican Wave, as Kofi and Sheamus stutter to a gutbuster spot. Kofi breaks free and makes the tag to Big E. Big E runs wild on Barrett, hitting his huge splash, but gets a shoulder tackle blocked by Barrett with a knee. Barrett runs into Sheamus on the apron, stunning Barrett long enough for Big E to pick him up and hit the Midnight Hour with Kofi for the win. Fine match, nothing special. After the match, Sheamus berates the crowd, saying they're the best athletes across the world, but there's something wrong. The crowd chants "How You Doin'", but Shemaus instantly shuts them down. He says you're only as strong as your weakest link, and Brogue Kicks Barrett. The League kick him out of the ring, and outcomes the Wyatts! They beat down the Legaue of Nations, ending with a Sister Abigail on Sheamus. The crowd chants "Thank You Wyatts", we get the scream effect, and end segment. Looks like a face turn for the Wyatts.
- In the garage, Renee Young interviews Vince McMahon. She asks why he's leaving, and he says he doesn't want to see the trainwreck.
- Summer Rae vs Sasha Banks-Summer cuts a promo saying she would have led her team to a win last night if she was the leader, but at least she didn't end up on flat on her face like Sasha. Outcomes Sasha, who takes the mic from Summer, says she's the Boss, and slaps Summer. The match starts with Summer leaving the ring, only to lure Sasha into the ropes to pull her down. Back in the ring, Sasha runs wild and avoids a spinning heel kick, but gets her backstabber blocked by Summer holding onto the ropes. Summer rolls her up, but Sasha kicks out and immediately locks in the Bank Statement for the submission win.
- Tyler Breeze vs APOLLO CREWS!-Oh sh*t! Apollo Crews! He's on RAW now! If you've never seen him in NXT or his work in the indys as Uhaa Nation, you're in for a real treat. Although his debut does make it pretty weird that his match with (f*ck) The Drifter got cut from NXT Takeover: Dallas on Friday, but whatever. The two lock up, with Crews using his power to out muscle Breeze, hitting a pop up powerslam. Breeze hits a Supermodel Kick, but only gets a one. Crews hits a big kick to Breeze's head, follwed by a gorilla press slam, a standing moonsault, and a spin out powerbomb for the win. Great debut, can't wait to see what the future holds for him. Also, poor Tyler Breeze.
- Outcomes Roman Reigns to deafening boos. Any cheers are completely drowned out. JBL says the crowd "boos people they normally cheer". Yeah...keep telling yourself that. Smiling through the whole thing, Reigns says he's not a good or bad guy, but gets booed the whole time. He says if anyone wants the WWE Championship, they can come and get it. Outcomes Chris Jericho, but not in his ring gear. He tells everyone to shut their mouths, and says Reigns is just "a guy" and not "the guy". He says he's seen people come and go, and that none of them can hang with him. The crowd starts chanting something, but Jericho says he won't let them hijack the show. He says he buried AJ Styles last night, and that he wants the WWE Championship. Outcomes AJ Styles. Without a mic, he basically says he wants the title too, but outcomes a limping Kevin Owens as well. Without a mic as well, he shows he wants a title match, but outcomes Sami Zayn, who says he wants the title too! Zayn and Owens brawl, while Jericho and Styles brawl. Zayn throws Owens from the ring, stares down Reigns, and hits a tope to the outside. Jericho throws Styles from the ring, and Reigns spears Jericho when he turns around. Man, can you believe people don't cheer this guy? A smiling assh*le who spears someone when they aren't ready. What a great guy! Piss off.
- Backstage, Reigns walks into Shane McMahon, who announces the main event; A #1 Contenders match between Chris Jericho, AJ Styles, Kevin Owens, and Sami Zayn, with the winner becoming the #1 Contender to the WWE Championship
- Baron Corbin vs Dolph Ziggler-BARON CORBIN! F*CK YEAH! He says it doesn't matter if the crowd doesn't know him, and that it will be the End of Days for anyone who stands in his way. Match starts with Ziggler trying to use his speed advantage on Corbin, delivering quick punches and a dropkick, but gets floored with a back elbow. Corbin sends Ziggler to the ground outside the ring with another elbow strike as we go to commercial. We come back with Corbin locking in a shoulder claw on Ziggler. Ziggler breaks free, and avoids a charging Corbin multiple times. Ziggler runs wild, but gets his neckbreaker blocked, but manages to hit a jumping DDT. He gets his superkick caught, but quickly hits a Famouser right after for a two count. Corbin holds onto the ropes to block a Zig Zag and hits Deep Six, a spinning side slam, for a two count. Outside of the ring, Corbin boots Ziggler over the barricade, and the two fight in the crowd, ending in a double countout. Match was a little boring, but Corbin gets him dominance over after the match. He tells the referee this is his fault, and hits the End of Days on Ziggler outside the ring.
- Zack Ryder vs The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship-The crowd chants "You Deserve It!" with"WOO WOO WOO!"s inbetween, and rightfully so. Ryder tells the story of him meeting Razor Ramon and holding his Intercontinental Championship. Last night, they took another one, with Razor holding his belt. Ryder thanks his dad, who is in the crowd. Outcomes the Miz in his amazing gold jacket. Miz says Ryder got his WrestleMania moment, but that he's a flash in the pan, and that he ruined Miz's WrestleMania moment. Is he serious? HE MAIN EVENTED WRESTLEMANIA! AND REATINED THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP AT SAID WRESTLEMANIA! AND BEAT JOHN CENA TO RETAIN SAID WWE CHAMPIONSHIP AT SAID WRESTLEMANIA! Miz says if Ryder wants to be mentioned in the conversation about great Intercontinental Champions like Razor, Shawn Michaels, and himself (LOL) and the two start the match. Even though they announced the match was for the belt, Ryder accepts Miz's title match request. Miz shoulder tackles Ryder, but gets caught with two dropkicks, getting only a two count. Ryder hits a top rope hurricanrana followed by a baseball slide through the middle ropes as we go to commercial. We come back with Ryder missing a high crossbody and flying right over the top rope. Miz beats down Ryder until Ryder catches him with a face buster. Ryder starts to run wild, but misses a dropkick and takes a kneeling reverse STO. Ryder blocks a Skull Crushing Finale, Miz avoids a Rough Ryder, and Ryder reverses a suplex into a neck breaker. Ryder goes to the top rope, but Miz meets him up there. Ryder bats him down and hits an El-Bro Drop (horrible name), but Miz gets his foot on the ropes during the pin. Ryder dodges an Awesome Clothesline and calls for the Broski Boot, but Ryder catches him. Miz beats down Ryder at ringside in front of his dad, and Miz starts trash talking Ryder's dad. Ryder's dad pushes Miz and Ryder clotheslines him. But outcomes MARYSE! Wow, wasn't expecting it at all! She slaps Ryder's dad and gets dragged off by security, but that allows Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the win and the title. New Intercontinental Champion: The Miz! Good match, hopefully this story ends with Ryder getting his revenge.
- Backstage, Kevin Owens gets interviewed by Renee Young. Owens says it wasn't fair that he lost his Intercontinental Championship in a ladder match against 6 other people, but he says he's moving forward to bigger things; The WWE Championship. He says he's going to destroy the Roman Empire, too lots of cheers I might add, and the road to KO-Mania 2 starts now
- We get a vignette for THE VAUDEVILLIANS! THEY DEBUT ON SMACKDOWN THIS THURSDAY!
- In the ring with all the women is Lita, who is official presenting the Women's Championship to Charlotte. She says the
Divaswomen's division has never been stronger. Outcomes Charlotte to accept her title. Before Charlotte can speak, the crowd erupts in a "HEY, WE WANT SOME BAYLEY!" Throughout Charlotte's speech, the crowd continues to chant for Bayley, starting the great Bayley-fied version of "Hey! Baby". She says the women's division is thanks to the fans, before going back to being a heel and saying she won thanks to her dad. The crowd continues to rightfully sh*t on Charlotte's promo (no charisma and shouldn't have won last night) She says she, Sasha, and Becky did it, but mostly her. All the Divas leave, except for Natalya, who takes the mic and says Charlotte needs to learn humility. Charlotte says her family is better than Natalya's, which prompts Natalya to lock in the Sharpshooter. Ric pulls Charlotte out of the ring to end the segment - Backstage, Renee interviews AJ Styles. He says today is the day of new beginnings. He says he came to WWE to be WWE Champion, and that a new phenomenal era is upon us.
- We get a vignetter for...Primo and Epico? Umm...OK
- The Usos vs The Dudley Boyz in a Tables match-First off, The Usos BUTCHERED their entrance, missing half of the words of the opening of their song. The two teams brawl to start. It's pretty hard to talk about a tag team tables match because it's all just brawling. The Dudleyz hit the Wazzup spot (without the "WAZZUP!") and stop the "GET THE TABLES!" chant before going to the outside for a tables. The Usos hit tandem dives to the outside before the commercial. We come back with D-Von trying to superplex an Uso through a table as the crowd chants for Shinsuke Nakamura. One Uso hits a splash on Bubba, and the other one gets a table. The Dudleyz fight back and set up tandem powerbombs, but each eat a superkick for their troubles and roll out of the ring. The Usos dive off the barricade to take them both out, roll them back in the ring, and set them on tables. The Dudleyz dodge the Usos' top rope splashes, sending them through the tables. The bell sounds and Lillian Garcia announces the Dudleyz as the winners, but that's not the end of the match, you have to be put through a table, you can't put yourself through one. D-Von roughly throws an Uso through the table to actually win the match as Bubba berates the timekeeper. He berates him so loud and for so long you can hear it at the beginning of the next segment.
- Renee interviews Sami Zayn while Bubba yells at the timekeeper at ringside. He says he's been in every kind of match you could think of, and nobody ever thought he'd get a chance to have a shot at the WWE Championship. Tonight he says he's going to prove he belongs here, but gets attacked by Kevin Owens and powerbombed through a table.
- We come back and The Dudleyz are STILL AT RINGSIDE! HOLY SH*T THESE GUYS ARE RESILIENT! They walk up the ramp, and outcomes ENZO AMORE & COLIN CASSADY! HOLY SH*T, THIS IS AMAZING! Enzo runs through his opening promo as the whole crowd chants along, it's amazing. He says the the Dudleyz are haters and ugly as hell. He says they didn't come to RAW to play games, and says he'll put D-Von's lazy eye back to work, and tells Bubba to fall back like his hairline. Cass takes the mic and challenges the Dudleyz to do something about what Enzo's saying. The Dudleyz run down, and then go right backup the ramp. Cass finishes the segment and calls them "S-A-W-F-T SAWFT!!!" Oh my god, Crews, Corbin, Enzo & Cass, Vaudevillians coming thursday. This is great.
- Dr. Phil will guest star on RAW next week. Umm...OK
- AJ Styles vs Chris Jericho vs Kevin Owens vs ? for the #1 Contendership for the WWE Championship-Lillian Garcia announces that Sami Zayn cannot compete tonight, but their will be a mystery participant. The mystery participant is...CESARO! HE'S BACK!!! Cesaro & Owens pair up while Jericho & Styles pair up. Owens & Jericho get tossed from the ring, leaving Cesaro & Styles. The two have a fast paced back and forth segment, ending with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Cesaro before the commercial. We come back with Styles & Jericho in the ring and Cesaro & Owens on the outside. Cesaro whips Owens into the barricade, which elicits the loudest, most cartoon-ey "OWWWW!" ever. After several reversals, we get back to Jericho and Styles. Styles gets up on the top rope and Jericho goes for the superplex, but Styles blocks it. Owens helps out Jericho, and Cesaro sneaks up and completes the Tower of Doom spot. Cesaro hits a huge European uppercut to Styles for a two, before Jericho tosses him from the ring, leaving him and Owens in the ring. Jericho dodges a cannonball and hits a bulldog, followed by a Lionsault, but Owens gets his knees up. Styles flies in and hits a springboard 450, but Cesaro pulls Jericho out of the ring to prevent the pin. Owens beats down Styles untile Cesaro hits a diving crossbody on Styles, but Owens breaks up the pin. Cesaro starts an Uppercut Train on Styles and Owens. Jericho tries to stop it, gets clobbered with on himself. Cesaro continues the train until Jericho stops him, but ends up getting swung until Owens ends it with a superkick. Owens hits Styles with a pop up powerbomb, but Jericho breaks up the pin. Jericho hits a Codebreaker on Owens, but Cesaro breaks up the pin. Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho on Cesaro, but Cesaro reverses it into a Sharpshooter. Styles hits Cesaro with a Phenominal Forearm, but Owens almost rolls him up. Styles kicks out and hits a Pele Kick on Owens, but eats a Codebreaker. Styles surprisingly kicks out, and hits the Styles Clash for the win! AJ STYLES IS THE #1 CONTENDER! Amazing match, lots of fast paced action and believable false finishes.
And that's about it. Overall, great RAW, as the one after WrestleMania usually is. Loads of debuts, lots of good matches, and lots of feuds got set up tonight. Reigns-Styles, Charlotte-Natalya, Ryder-Miz all got set up tonight and will hopefully lead to good matches at Payback. On the downside, the women's segment got sh*t on by the crowd because of a lack of Bayley, and no United Champion Kalisto? What's that about? Anyways, great RAW.
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