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Worst in the World: Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus-Triplemania XXIII

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Ladies and gentlemen...the worst match of 2015. Yes, this match had the dishonor of being named the Worst Match of the Year by the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, and was completely panned by Dave Meltzer. The match was so bad, in fact, that Meltzer gave it MINUS. FIVE. STARS. The first match he's given that too since 1999. By his standards, this match is worse than That Jackie Gayda match, worse than Sting vs Jeff Hardy at Victory Road, and worse than Survivor Jenna's match. That's how bad this was for him. Coming from Mexico's AAA promotion, and from Triplemania XXIII, which got voted the Worst Major Wrestling Show of 2015, this is Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus.
Right off the bat, and I mean as soon the match starts, there are already technical issues. You can barely hear commentator Matt Striker, which leaves you with Hugo Savinovich. I don't know if this was just an off night, but he was awful. He can't seem to get any lines off without stuttering and just spouts exposition throughout, and does it poorly too. I have no idea why these teams are fighting, so I can't really get invested in the match. Both teams have just made their entrances and I'm already annoyed with this match.
So the match starts with one clown locking up with one Villano (I didn't bother too learn which one was which). After two arm drags, all the members get in the ring and each throw one strike. Just about every single one looks terrible. The Villanos take control and slowly toss two of the clowns from the ring and hit a double back body drop on the third clown, followed by off sync elbow drops from two of the Villanos and a soft kick from the third. The three rip the clown's mask open, who goes on the ring apron, only to get rammed into the steel post. And by "rammed" I mean he walks into it and sells his head. Jesus...
Another clown gets in and another slow three on one beat down begins. They repeat the same spot with the ring post before the third clown enters the ring. He is quickly kicked out of the ring, picked up, and SLOOOOWLY walked into the ring post head first. The other two clowns get back in the ring, and more sh*t brawling ensues. At this point, the audio has switched, so now you can barely hear Savinovich instead of Striker, as Striker constantly thanks those who are tweeting them about the audio problems. I imagine those tweets weren't something nice like "Hey, my feed sounds weird", it was probably something along the lines off:
"Hey f*kheads at @luchalibreaaa fix ur sh*t audio #Boring #TestforHOF2016"
That seems more likely.
So despite being rammed head first into the post (then again, he was rammed into it about as a fast a turtle moves), the one clown pulls two of the Villanos out of the ring, allowing the other clowns to hit suicide dives. Back in the ring, the three clowns gang up on the last Villano, who gets taken out with a Gorilla Press Slam, before the clowns hop up on eachother for a three man piggy back ride. Not joking:
This is followed by the softest, safest splash I've ever seen. I don't even think the clown on the bottom even landed on the Villano. At this point, the audio has gone to complete sh*t and you can't even hear Savinovich, with Striker noting that he's getting a buzzing sound and hoping the viewers aren't hearing it too. We did. Striker also notes that the crowd is split on who to cheer for. Man, they must have been so split they didn't cheer or boo anyone, because they were COMPLETELY SILENT!
The clowns beat down one Villano while the others just sit and watch
And no, they aren't waiting for tags, because there have been no tags in this match at all. They're just sitting there waiting for their spots. The clowns follow up a nice hangman seated senton by ripping the Villano's mask while the other two sell moves they never took
Those shots were only about 10 seconds apart, by the way.
More sh*t brawling ensues as Striker notes that the buzzing is still there, and to pretend he's calling a Killer Bees match while they try to fix it. That was a good one, I'll give him that. The two teams hit the Tower of Doom spot, which the Villanos almost get the win off of. Oddly enough, the referee counts incredibly slow. And he doesn't just do it for the Villanos, he slow counts a roll up attempt by the clowns too. Why is he counting so slow?
Striker brings up the tech issues again, saying that this is what happens when you go live. Uhhh...I think WWE and even TNA can argue that this doesn't happen when they go live. At least not as long as this tech issue has gone. He also adds that the technical issues make it special. I'm sorry, I actually like Striker as a commentator, he's great on Lucha Underground, but that might be the stupidest thing I've ever heard a commentator say. Like, that's next level stupid right there. Just beyond dumb.
Two of the clowns get taken out with suicide dives outside of the ring as one clown and one Villano fight in the ring. The clown gets a chair, but chooses not to hit the Villano out of respect. I'm sorry, but if you agree to wrestle someone, why would you not want to hit him. It's not against the rules, people have been using foreign objects and not making tags the entire match. The clown knocks down the Villano and hits a diving headbutt from the top rope, makes the pin, BUT VOLUNTARILY STOPS PINNING HIM! WHY!? I CAN UNDERSTAND A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE CHAIR THING, JUST TO KEEP IT CLEAN, BUT WHY ARE YOU NOT TRYING TO WIN THE MATCH! WHAT EVEN IS THIS F*CKING MATCH! WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON! F*CK OFF!
The clown and another Villano have a brawl in the ring, which Striker says is real with "no slapping of the leg". Way to kill kayfabe, dick! The Villano kicks him in the dick and makes the pin to win and end the match.

The Verdict


That's me, one minute after watching this match. You know what, no, this wasn't even a match...it was bullsh*t. No psychology. No story. Barely wrestling, and whatever wrestling there was wasn't good. The audio is awful, you can almost never hear both the commentators at the same time. That "I respect you, so I won't pin" bullsh*t. Just horrendous. There's no debate this is one of the worst matches I've ever seen, and no debate it belongs at the bottom of the list. But the very bottom? Is this worse than Cena-Laurinaitis at Over the Limit 2012...yes. At least with Cena-Laurinaitis, it was a superstar beating down a non-wrestler. That was the point of it. This is six actual wrestlers having the worst match they possibly can. Minus five stars indeed.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1.  Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
  2. Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
  3. T&A vs Head Cheese-WrestleMania 2000
  4. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  5. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  6. Rick Rude vs Hawk-Clash of the Champions XXV
  7. Shelton Benjamin vs Viscera-New Year's Revolution 2006
  8. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  9. The Natural Disasters vs Money Inc.-WrestleMania VIII
  10. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  11. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  12. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  13. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  14. Dusty Rhodes vs Big Boss Man-Saturday Night's Main Event (10/31/1989)
  15. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  16. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Souled Out 1997
  17. Dustin Rhodes & King Kong vs Awesome Kong & The Equalizer-Battlebowl
  18. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
  19. Hulk Hogan vs Randy Savage-Uncensored 1998
  20. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  21. Mickie James vs Ashley-Royal Rumble 2006
  22. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  23. Team WCW vs nWo Wolfpac vs nWo Hollywood-Fall Brawl 1998
  24. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
  25. Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania III
  26. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
  27. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
  28. Jim Steele vs The Equalizer-SuperBrawl IV
  29. Edge vs Triple H vs Vladimir Kozlov-Survivor Series 2008
  30. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  31. Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
  32. Scott Steiner vs Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Road Warrior Animal-Sin
  33. Hollywood Hogan vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl 1997
  34. Batista vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2007
  35.  Sable vs Tori-WrestleMania XV
  36. Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII
  37. The 8-Divas Tag Match-Survivor Series 1999
  38. Rick Rude vs Masahiro Chono-Halloween Havoc 1992
  39. Mike Awesome vs Vampiro-Halloween Havoc 2000
  40. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  41. Abdullah the Butcher vs One Man Gang-Heroes of Wrestling
  42. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  43. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  44. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
  45. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
  46. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996 
  47. Kaitlyn vs Maxine-NXT (10/19/10)
  48. Sabu vs The Sandman-November to Remember 1997
  49. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
  50. John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
  51. Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus-Triplemania XXIII

OK, I think I've composed myself. So what's next?
F*ck.
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