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My Thoughts on RAW (8/8/16): A Toast to Rusev

  • We kick off the show with Enzo Amore & Big Cass. Enzo addresses last week when he was flirting with Sasha Banks. Cass says she was loving it, and Enzo says she was smitten. Oh, that's funny, because she didn't seem too smitten with Enzo when she got married to Kid Mikaze three days later. Enzo says Chris Jericho ruined his chances with Sasha when he gave him a Codebreaker and rags on him. This feud is seriously about Jericho cock-blocking Enzo. Outcomes Jericho, who insults Enzo & Cass and says he's got someone to watch his back. No, it's not Jimmin Marvinluder, who took gold in the shot put in 08. it's Kevin Owens. The two come down to the ring, where Jericho says they are like brothers now, and Owens confirms he's got Jericho's back. Cass tries to make a gay joke about them, but Jericho shuts him down. Owens says he used to like Cass because he used to be able to relate to him because they both had a best friend who weighed them down. The difference is that Owens dropped his dead weight and Cass didn't, so now he doesn't like him and promises to hurt him. Cass stands up to him, so Owens calls on Jericho, who says he'll hurt him too. Cass challenges Jericho, but Jericho backs off and throws the challenge at Enzo. 
  • Enzo Amore vs Chris Jericho-The two go back and forth to start, ending with Amore locking in an armbar off an arm drag. Jericho escapes and chops away at Enzo before Enzo hits two head scissor takedowns, but Jericho keeps control with a clothesline. Jericho gets the heat until skins the cat after being tossed over the ropes before sending Jericho to the outside with a back body drop, followed up by a baseball slide before the commercial break. We come back with Jericho back in control until Enzo hits a diving DDT. Enzo runs wild, hitting a crossbody, a knee to the face, and a running punch for a near fall. Jericho blocks a hurricanrana attempt and locks in the Walls of Jericho, but Enzo makes it to the ropes. Enzo elbows Jericho and hits a diving crossbody for a near fall and a plancha to Jericho when he rolls out of the ring. Owens grabs Enzo foot when he tries to get back in the ring, allowing Jericho to hit a Codebreaker, to which Cass responds with a big boot on Jericho, giving Jericho the DQ win. Honestly, a pretty nothing match. For Enzo's sake, they better not spilt up him and Cass anytime soon, he is not ready to be a singles star whatsoever. After the match, Cass takes to the mic and challenges Jericho & Owens to a tag match at SummerSlam.
  • Backstage, Mick Foley is backstage when Sasha Banks walks in. She asks to make her match at SummerSlam a handicap match so she can keep an eye on Dana Brooke. That makes zero sense whatsoever. Foley counter-proposes something that actually makes sense; a match between Sasha and Dana tonight. If Sasha wins, Dana is banned from ringside. If Dana wins, it is a handicap match. Seriously, why would Sasha voluntarily put herself at a disadvantage?
  • BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN...Strowman vs Jorel Nelson-Pre-match jobber interview goes nowhere, as Nelson doesn't say a word. Oddly enough, he gets his own entrance. Nelson tries to leave as soon as the bell sounds, so Strowman blasts him off the apron, throws him back in the ring and quickly reverse chokeslams him for the squash win. Strowman then tosses Nelson out of the ring by his leg.
  • Backstage, Foley meets up with Puff Daddy because it's 1997, I guess. In comes the New Day minus Big E, who is recovering from his dick injury. Puff actually asks about Big E's nuts (that's what he said), which Foley says he can't say on TV. The New Day rag on Anderson & Gallows before leaving with Puff to call Big E.
  • Darren Young vs Titus O'Neil-No entrances for either man. Also, this is a rematch from last week. IT'S A NEW ERA MAG-oh wait, JBL's on SmackDown now? I can't make that joke anymore. O'Neil knocks Young loopy with a knee, which sends Young to the outside. O'Neil proceeds to beat down Young until Young fights back, only to get caught on a diving crossbody attempt. Young is able to reverse a power slam attempt and rolls up O'Neil with a hand full of tights for the win. Sloppy looking match, zero heat for it whatsoever.
  • Outcomes Seth Rollins for a promo. He says he's learned a thing or two from the New Era. He said he thought that Balor was just a cheap knock off of himself, but he learned last week that he need to reevaluate his opinion on him. Rollins shatters kayfabe by saying Finn Balor isn't Balor's real name, and that he made it up based on Irish mythology. Rollins says that RAW is his show and that Balor disrespected him by getting in his face. Rollins says he's worked hard to earn everything he's gotten, especially after coming back from a serious knee injury, and that he's not arrogant because he knows he belongs at the top. He calls himself the myth, the legend, and the man, and that parents will tell their children about his legacy. He finishes by saying at SummerSlam, he'll beat Balor and become the first Universal Champion.
  • Sheamus vs Cesaro-Oh look, another rematch from last week. The two go back and forth to start before Cesaro clotheslines Sheamus out of the ring and hits a suicide dive. Sheamus is able to take control back in the ring before Cesaro hits a delayed vertical suplex for a one count. Cesaro uppercuts Sheamus a bunch of times before Sheamus catches him on the top rope and hits a rolling senton before the commercial break. We come back with Sheamus hitting a top rope shoulder tackle for a near fall. The two go back and forth again before Cesaro hits a diving cross body for a near fall. Cesaro calls for the Cesaro Swing, but Sheamus blocks it with a knee and hits a neck breaker for a near fall. Sheamus escapes another Cesaro Swing attempt, and after a series of slick reversals, including a beautiful move by Cesaro where he dodges the Brogue Kick and rolling up Sheamus for a near fall, Sheamus hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker. Sheamus works over Cesaro and goes to the top rope, only for Cesaro to catch him and dropkick him to the outside where he uppercuts him into the timekeeper's area. Sheamus blocks the Uppercut Train by pulling the referee in the way and cheap shotting Cesaro, but the cheap shot takes the ref out and makes him miss Sheamus' visual three count on Cesaro. Sheamus goes to get the ref, which allows Cesaro to roll him up for the win. Good match, better than last weeks.
  • The Dudley Boyz vs Neville & ?-This match came about after the Dudleys challenged Neville to find a partner for tonight. Who's his partner? Sin Cara...well, at least it's not Big Show. Oddly enough, Sin Cara still uses the Lucha Dragons entrance music. The match kicks off with the Dudleys beating down Sin Cara until Sin Cara takes out Bubba Ray with a somersault plancha. The Dudleys are able to retain control after a distraction from D-Von, and the two continue to work over Sin Cara until Sin Cara dodges a Ho Train from D-Von. Neville gets the hot tag and runs wild on D-Von. A miscommunication causes D-Von to clothesline Bubba Ray and Neville almost gets the win off an enziguri Neville hits a missile dropkick and follows it up with the Red Arrow for the win. Fine match, nothing special.
  • It's time to celebrate Rusev & Lana's marriage! Complete with cakes, which means someone is getting caked tonight. Probably Lana...definitely Lana. Lana says she is Rusev's princess and Rusev has given her everything she wants. She mocks the crowd for not being able to attend their VIP-only wedding but says they will re-live the wedding tonight. Rusev brags that Lana is his wife, and she kisses his muscle. Why is this man not higher on the card? They show a slideshow of their wedding, and it just hit me how weird this is. WWE is basically saying "hey, see how happy these two are...boo them." Rusev counters the boring chants by acting like they are saying "more" and yells at the crowd whenever anyone boos Lana. Lana announces that she and Rusev will re-read their vows tonight, asking everyone to stand and take pictures. No one does, so Rusev calls everyone jealous. Reigns objects, and comes out to a mixed reaction. He says he's not here to fight, which means there will definitely be a fight, and grills Rusev for not having a best man. Clearly, he doesn't need one, because Rusev is the best man. Reigns then challenges Rusev for a United States Championship match at SummerSlam, but Rusev rejects, so Reigns decides to give a toast. He calls Rusev a sasquatch and Lana a mail order bride before calling the celebration lame. He then makes a "Rusev has a tiny dick" joke, which makes Rusev attack. The two brawl and it ends with Lana being bumped face first into the cake. Reigns leaves as Lana screams that she hates Reigns. We all do, Lana. We all do.
  • Backstage, Rusev & Lana give out to Foley, saying Reigns has to pay for what he did to Lana. Foley books the United States Championship match at SummerSlam.
  • Sasha Banks vs Dana Brooke-OK, this needs to be addressed: Can Dana Brooke just pick an attire and stick with it? Seriously, she's constantly switching them, and it's odd. The one she wore tonight is especially bad in my opinion. The match goes back and forth to start before Dana locks in a straightjacket hold. Sasha escapes and gets some offense in, only to be cut off after a clothesline by Dana for a near fall. Charlotte proceeds to deliver the worst worked slap I've ever seen, hesitating for a long time before lightly slapping Dana by accident. It was so bad I missed Sasha hit the rope hung double knee drop to the gut by Sasha for the win.
  • Karl Anderson & Doc Gallows make testicle jokes...these guys were the top tag team in Japan less than a year ago, by the way.
  • Kofi Kingston vs Luke Gallows-The two go back and forth before Kofi hits a plancha to the outside. Ringside shenanigans ensue, and Gallows hits a fireman's carry flapjack for the win. That was like a minute long. Again, Anderson & Gallows used to be the top tag team in Japan. Just saying. After the match, Anderson & Gallows try to do the same thing they did to Big E to Kofi, but Woods chases them off with a chair.
  • It's our main event!...a talking segment. Mick Foley welcomes Daniel Bryan to the ring. They praise each other's work. Foley apologizes to Bryan for Lesnar invading SmackDown and embarrassing Randy Orton. Bryan also apologizes for Orton showing up at RAW and RKOing Lesnar. Foley then slams Bryan for insulting the Universal Championship on Talking Smack. Suddenly, outcomes Rusev, who vows to crush any SmackDown star who shows up on RAW. Then out comes Cesaro, who challenges Rusev to a match for the United States Championship. Foley says no, but Bryan says Cesaro is being underutilized, so Foley books the United States Championship match right now.
  • Rusev (c) vs Cesaro for the United States Championship-Cesaro starts with the Uppercut Train and goes for the Cesaro Swing, but Rusev grabs the ropes and rolls outside. Cesaro hits a cannonball off the apron and a diving crossbody for a near fall. Rusev takes control by dodging a springboard uppercut and throwing Cesaro into the ring post shoulder first. Rusev stomps away at Cesaro before working over Cesaro's other shoulder. Rusev continues to work over Cesaro for a long time until Cesaro is able to bodyslam Rusev. Cesaro goes for the Cesaro Swing again, but Rusev blocks it, only to hit a double stomp for a near fall. Cesaro uppercuts Rusev into oblivion and hits a tornado DDT for another near fall. Rusev knees Cesaro in the gut and hits a roundhouse kick for a near fall. Rusev calls for the Accolade, but Cesaro counters and hits an amazing electric chair drop. Oh my god, he is incredible. The two trade blows before Cesaro hits the springboard uppercut and starts the Cesaro Swing before locking in the Sharpshooter. Down comes Sheamus, who's distraction allows Rusev to hit a superkick, but Cesaro kicks out. Cesaro avoids the Accolade, shoves Rusev into Sheamus and the referee, and gets the visual three off the Neutralizer, but the ref is down for too long and Rusev kicks out. Rusev pokes Cesaro in the eye, Sheamus kicks Cesaro, and Rusev hits a roundhouse kick for the win. Good, fast paced match to end the show. After the match, Reigns runs down, spears Rusev, and walks off. 
And that's about it. Overall, an pretty bad episode of RAW. Nothing was really good and there was a lot of bad stuff. SmackDown should easily be able to top it this week...hopefully.
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