Quick Note: Just to let you know, this entry is going to have a lot more visuals than my other ones so far. The match is so hard to talk about, it's just easier to show you it.
I have no words. Only rants. What in the hell was this match? It is the most confusing, nonsensical, laughably bad attempts at a new match type. And I don't mean like the Chamber of Horrors where there was wacky stuff happening the entire time and nothing made any sense. This is just a slow, plodding match with zero stability whatsoever. This isn't thinking outside the box, this is taking the box and completely throwing it out the window
I have no words. Only rants. What in the hell was this match? It is the most confusing, nonsensical, laughably bad attempts at a new match type. And I don't mean like the Chamber of Horrors where there was wacky stuff happening the entire time and nothing made any sense. This is just a slow, plodding match with zero stability whatsoever. This isn't thinking outside the box, this is taking the box and completely throwing it out the window
First complaint, what is with Michael Buffer's outrageously long introductions? Did WCW pay him by the word? I get it for guys like Hogan and Flair, but he gives a long detailed introduction to Meng. What the hell is a Meng? Whatever. This match pits Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage against "The Alliance to End Hulkamania", which is easily the worst alliance in wrestling history (sorry, WCW/ECW Alliance). The group consists of:
- Ric Flair-16-time World Champion, way to good to be in this match
- Arn Anderson-Way to good to be in this match
- Kevin Sullivan-Pudgy, balding man who's finisher is a double stomp off the second rope
- Lex Luger-Way too good to be in this match
- Meng-The former Haku, and is apparently crazy tough
- The Barbarian-Meng's tag team partner
- Z-Gangsta-Formerly Zeus, starred in "No Holds Barred" with Hogan (also, fun fact, is in the Human Centipede 3)
- The Ultimate Solution-Giant dude who played Bane in Batman & Robin (his wrestling is of the same quality as his movie choices)
Those 8 team up to face Hogan & Savage in the Doomsday Cage match, which is a triple-decker steel cage match. Just take a look at this monstrosity:
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They used it once, ever. Can you believe this company went out of business? So the three cages are separated into four rooms, with Flair and Anderson in the top room, Luger and Sullivan in the first half of the second floor, Meng & Barbarian in the other half, and Z-Gangsta and Ultimate Solution are nowhere to be seen, but they are supposed to be in the bottom cage. How do you win this match, you might be asking...I have no idea. At no point during the match do the commentators or Michael Buffer explain how to win the match. Considering it's a cage match, you'd think it would be obvious that all Hogan & Savage have to do is get to the floor through the cages. Well, we'll get to that.
So after the Alliance gets in the cage, Hogan & Savage go up the scaffold to get to the top. The look on Savage's face tells the entire story of this match:
That's the look of a man who has zero idea what he just got himself into. Also, quick question: what is Arn Anderson wearing?:
No one else is dressed like that. I bet he realized how ridiculous this match was, and thought "You know what, f**k it!" and showed up in his sweatsuit. Either that, or he planned on breaking into someone's house after the show. The match is an absolute mess from start to finish, especially these parts in the cages. First off, why would you put your best workers first in this match? They're almost banking on Hogan & Savage carrying Z-Gangsta and Ultimate Solution to a good porion. Remember that Extreme Elimination Chamber at December to Dismember where CM Punk and Rob Van Dam get eliminated right off the bat, so now they're left with Test and Bobby Lashley. That's what this is like.
So basically, all of the offense in the cage parts of the match is nothing but punches, because nobody wants to bump on chain link. What makes it worse is that about 75 percent of match is shown with two different screens, and half of it greyed out.
I get that they want to show both Hogan & Savage, but half of the screen is being wasted. Flair drops something down to Meng & Barbarian that is never addressed again. Hogan & Savage end up throwing powder (where they got it, I'll never know) in Flair and Anderson's faces, and go threw the trap door to Meng & Barbarian's room. According to the announcers, Flair & Anderson are eliminated, but that doesn't stop them from coming back later. There's still zero bumping and just punching, only with worse wrestlers. Luger & Sullivan open their door and starting fighting, which leads to the worst sell in history by Luger. Hogan punches Sullivan with a chain (no idea where he got it) and Luger (who is standing behind Sullivan) sells it like he got punched. It's incredible. Eventually, Meng & Barbarian get locked in their room by Hogan with the chain (again, no idea where he got it or a lock). Hogan and Sullivan end up fighting on to the scaffolding, and Hogan tries to push Sullivan off the scaffolding. The babyface is trying to kill the heel by throwing him off a scaffold. There's something wrong about that.
Eventually, Hogan, Savage, Sullivan, and Luger all fight their way down the scaffolding, and take a look at this:
They are out of the cage and on the floor. Shouldn't the match be over? Nope, because no one knows how the match actually ends. This was probably how WCW's creative team came up with this main event:
So they brawl outside of the cage in the actual ring for a while, nothing of note happens. At one point you see Meng & Barbarian walking down the scaffolding as if they are going to join the fight, and then suddenly just disappear forever. There's more brawling until Z-Gangsta & Ultimate Solution finally show up and bring Hogan & Savage back into the cage. You'd think the match is almost over, but there's still 10 minutes left in the show. This might be the worst part of the match. Z-Gangsta has without a doubt the worst offense I've ever seen. It's so slow and plodding that it's hard to believe anyone could actually get beat up by this guy. At one point, Kevin Sullivan starts poking Randy Savage with a stick. I laughed.
There is zero selling by Z-Gangsta or Solution, and when they do sell, they sell way to late. Eventually, Flair and Anderson (who was kind enough to change out of his tracksuit and into his ring gear) show up to make it 4 on 2. It looks like it's all over for Hogan & Savage, until outcomes THE BOOTY MAN! Who is the Booty Man, you might ask? Well, in reality, he's Hogan's best buddy Ed Leslie and the former Brutus Beefcake, and pretty much follows Hogan to any company he goes (AWA, WWF, WCW, you name it.) and has gotten loads of pushes thanks to Hogan (like MAIN-EVENTING STARRCADE 1994). In kayfabe, he's a guy who likes butts. That's it.
So Booty Man brings (and I'm not kidding) frying pans. Out of all the weapons or objects in the back, he brings them FRYING PANS. Hogan's literally breaks the second time he uses it. I want you think about something real quick. Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Ric Flair, and Arn Anderson, four of the greatest wrestlers of all time, are beating each other up with frying pans. For shame. Finally, Lex Luger comes out (Booty Man just disappeared into thin air with Meng & Barbarian, I guess) and joins the fight, pulls out a weighted glove (that's what the commentators called it, so I'm calling it that too), and tries to punch Savage, who is being held up by Flair. Savage ducks and Luger "accidentally" punches Flair. I air quoted "accidentally" because Luger blatantly stuttered after Savage ducked and before hitting Flair. Hogan & Savage go to leave, before Hogan decides someone has to get pinned, and Savage pins Flair. The ref counts this, even though there are many times when someones shoulders were down and there wasn't a count, like this one:
But whatever, I don't care, because this nightmare is finally over.
So after the Alliance gets in the cage, Hogan & Savage go up the scaffold to get to the top. The look on Savage's face tells the entire story of this match:
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| "I should of stayed in the fed" |
So basically, all of the offense in the cage parts of the match is nothing but punches, because nobody wants to bump on chain link. What makes it worse is that about 75 percent of match is shown with two different screens, and half of it greyed out.
Eventually, Hogan, Savage, Sullivan, and Luger all fight their way down the scaffolding, and take a look at this:
There is zero selling by Z-Gangsta or Solution, and when they do sell, they sell way to late. Eventually, Flair and Anderson (who was kind enough to change out of his tracksuit and into his ring gear) show up to make it 4 on 2. It looks like it's all over for Hogan & Savage, until outcomes THE BOOTY MAN! Who is the Booty Man, you might ask? Well, in reality, he's Hogan's best buddy Ed Leslie and the former Brutus Beefcake, and pretty much follows Hogan to any company he goes (AWA, WWF, WCW, you name it.) and has gotten loads of pushes thanks to Hogan (like MAIN-EVENTING STARRCADE 1994). In kayfabe, he's a guy who likes butts. That's it.
So Booty Man brings (and I'm not kidding) frying pans. Out of all the weapons or objects in the back, he brings them FRYING PANS. Hogan's literally breaks the second time he uses it. I want you think about something real quick. Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Ric Flair, and Arn Anderson, four of the greatest wrestlers of all time, are beating each other up with frying pans. For shame. Finally, Lex Luger comes out (Booty Man just disappeared into thin air with Meng & Barbarian, I guess) and joins the fight, pulls out a weighted glove (that's what the commentators called it, so I'm calling it that too), and tries to punch Savage, who is being held up by Flair. Savage ducks and Luger "accidentally" punches Flair. I air quoted "accidentally" because Luger blatantly stuttered after Savage ducked and before hitting Flair. Hogan & Savage go to leave, before Hogan decides someone has to get pinned, and Savage pins Flair. The ref counts this, even though there are many times when someones shoulders were down and there wasn't a count, like this one:
The Verdict
That was, and I say this without a shred of doubt, the worst match I have ever seen. If Hogan-Warrior at Halloween Havoc is minus five stars, this is minus six. There's literally not even a semblance of a match here, it is just utterly ridiculous. The first time I watched this show, I was already bored out of my mind by the 30 minute tag team street fight one match before, but that was much easier to watch than this match. This is 25 minutes I'll never get back, and I feel exhausted after watching this.Rankings (Best to Worst)
- Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
- The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
- Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
- The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
- Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
- Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
- Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
- The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996
So, up next for the Worst in the World is...
Great, the one thing worse than WCW...Heroes of Wrestling.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for reading.
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