Worst in the World: Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV

I hate these kinds of matches. Not because they're outrageously bad, but because they're pretty much...nothing. Which is worse because when the match gives me nothing, I can't write anything about it. At least when a match is bad and full of frying pans, blindfolds falling off, and Brie Mode, I can usually write a paragraph or two just about those parts. This sucks. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules is like Konnan vs One Man Gang from SuperBrawl VI. It's not bad enough to actually be on this list, but it's on there, so I might as well get through this.

Before I start, I just want to point out that Hercules is by far one of the most pale people in history, and this is coming from one of the most pale people in history. Rumor has it that Hercules didn't actually die, but he dyed his hair orange and changed his name to Sheamus. I'm not saying that's true, but I've never seen Hercules and Sheamus in the same place. Just saying. Man, first Summer Rae's inside job at Survivor Series 2013, and now this. Move over Jesse Ventura, I'm the one exposing the conspiracies over here.

Now then, on with the match. This match is crammed in between that God awful tournament for the WWF Championship at WrestleMania IV. It's not a part of the tournament and nothing is on the line, so this is literally the most meaningless match on a card that features Don Muraco vs Dino Bravo and the One Man Gang vs Bam Bam Bigelow. That's just sad. Man, I really don't want talk about this match. Just look at how hard I'm stalling with all this talk of paleness and Dino Bravo. Speaking of Dino, want to hear a story about a kid I went to high school with named Dino? No? Fine, I'll talk about the match.

This match is basically the battle of the short armed clotheslines. About 99.9999999% of the offense in this match is short armed clothesline. At one point Warrior does the worst "skin the cat" spot in history, and there's brawling on the outside. They roll back in, they punch each other, Warrior gets the ten punches in the corner, but Hercules gets a reverse atomic drop. Hercules puts Warrior in the full nelson, but Warrior reverses it for, what is in all actuality, a pretty good finish. Warrior runs up the corner, flips over Hercules, and they both land with their shoulders down. Warrior's gets up at two, and wins the match. They'd actually do a similar finish with Bret Hart vs Roddy Piper at WrestleMania VIII, and Hart vs Stone Cold at Survivor Series 1996. Shame they wasted a good finish on such a nothing match. It would be like if they did the Montreal Screwjob with Val Venis and Tiger Ali Singh. Hercules tries to choke Warrior with a chain after the match, but Warrior gets out of it, takes the chain, and... does nothing. That's it.

The Verdict

It's a nothing match. Nothing at all. It was only four and a half minutes, but I'm actually pretty upset I wasted four and a half minutes on this. I could've played like one night of Five Nights at Freddy's with that time. It's not even like a notably bad match, it's just...nothing. I guess it's worse than Konnan vs One Man Gang, just because it didn't have anything even slightly cool like Konnan sort of flying around the ring. But seriously, Meltzer, my man, give matches like these a break. They aren't minus stars by any means.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996
James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007

And up next in the Worst in the World is...

Oh, great...it's Doink. Thanks for reading.

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