Straight out of the insane mind of Vince Russo, this match pits former America's Most Wanted tag team partners James Storm and Chris "LOL, remember Braden Walker?" Harris. Harris had come back two months prior at Against All Odds after Storm had partially blinded him with a beer bottle. If this sounds similar to the Jake Roberts-Rick Martel feud from 1991...it is. It is the exact same story, just replace "beer bottle" with "cologne" and it's the same story. Only this time, instead of having a blindfold match, they have a blindfold match...INSIDE A STEEL CAGE! The only problem is that blindfolding the wrestlers completely voids the purpose of the cage.
Harris comes out with an eye-patch, and he looks like a pirate. The match starts, and the fans immediately start chanting "FIRE RUSSO!". Storm attacks the referee, thinking it's Harris, so the ref LIFTS THE BLINDFOLD OVER HIS HEAD SO HE CAN SEE! He just broke the rules! Oh, but don't worry, there are plenty more times where someone isn't blindfolded and the match keeps going. The referee starts spinning him around for no reason, like Storm is playing "Pin the Tail on the Donkey". We're three minutes in, there hasn't been any contact whatsoever, and the crowd is chanting "We Want Wrestling". They do the "point-and-cheer" spot from the Roberts-Martel match, but nobody gives a f**k, and they just boo.
Harris finally gets a takedown, and the crowd is doing something other than booing for the first time this match. Harris gets a huge punch, and it knocks Storms blindfold off. If you've never seen a blindfold match, they don't use a cloth or bandanna type thing that just goes over your eyes, they tie these black bags over their heads:
These are constantly falling off of both Storm and Harris' heads through out the match, and it's laughably bad. Normally, taking the blindfold off would be a way of cheating for the heel, but keeping it on is harder than taking it off. It happens so often you could make a drinking game out of it. You know what, I'm gonna keep count of every time a bag comes off one of their heads, so that's one. The referee puts Storm's bag back on, and the match continues. "Boring" chants arise, and Storm's bag comes off by simply flipping his head back (2). Storm tries to avoid putting it back on, which is smart, but he does eventually, and an "End This Now" chant starts. Harris hits a top rope stunner for a two, and Storm tries to climb the cage. In what universe is this a smart idea? HE IS BLINDFOLDED! I know he's not really blindfolded, but in kayfabe HE IS BLINDFOLDED! F**K RIGHT OFF WITH THAT SH*T!
So, Harris climbs up after him, and spears him to the ground. I don't mean like he clipped him and Storm fell, I mean he hits a picture perfect, textbook, spear WHILE BLINDFOLDED! Huh, it's almost like they aren't really blindfolded! Oh, and both of their blindfolds come off, so that makes 4. Harris' bag falls off (5) and he hits a full nelson slam. I hate this so much. The referee goes to count the pin, and then puts the bag back on Harris' head. Harris tries to put Storm in the Sharpshooter, but he accidentally grabs the referee and puts him in the Sharpshooter, only to realize he is wearing pants, and Storm is wearing trunks. Storm takes off his blindfold (doesn't count, he took it off himself) and superkicks Harris for the win. The commentators are outraged that Storm cheated, but hey, Harris cheated first, so it's all good.
Harris comes out with an eye-patch, and he looks like a pirate. The match starts, and the fans immediately start chanting "FIRE RUSSO!". Storm attacks the referee, thinking it's Harris, so the ref LIFTS THE BLINDFOLD OVER HIS HEAD SO HE CAN SEE! He just broke the rules! Oh, but don't worry, there are plenty more times where someone isn't blindfolded and the match keeps going. The referee starts spinning him around for no reason, like Storm is playing "Pin the Tail on the Donkey". We're three minutes in, there hasn't been any contact whatsoever, and the crowd is chanting "We Want Wrestling". They do the "point-and-cheer" spot from the Roberts-Martel match, but nobody gives a f**k, and they just boo.
Harris finally gets a takedown, and the crowd is doing something other than booing for the first time this match. Harris gets a huge punch, and it knocks Storms blindfold off. If you've never seen a blindfold match, they don't use a cloth or bandanna type thing that just goes over your eyes, they tie these black bags over their heads:
So, Harris climbs up after him, and spears him to the ground. I don't mean like he clipped him and Storm fell, I mean he hits a picture perfect, textbook, spear WHILE BLINDFOLDED! Huh, it's almost like they aren't really blindfolded! Oh, and both of their blindfolds come off, so that makes 4. Harris' bag falls off (5) and he hits a full nelson slam. I hate this so much. The referee goes to count the pin, and then puts the bag back on Harris' head. Harris tries to put Storm in the Sharpshooter, but he accidentally grabs the referee and puts him in the Sharpshooter, only to realize he is wearing pants, and Storm is wearing trunks. Storm takes off his blindfold (doesn't count, he took it off himself) and superkicks Harris for the win. The commentators are outraged that Storm cheated, but hey, Harris cheated first, so it's all good.
The Verdict
I don't think I've ever been this angry at a wrestling match's mere existence. There is no excuse for even booking a match this poorly. I get it, the kayfabe reason was that Harris had eye injury and couldn't compete in a real match, but why would you book that storyline in the first place? Why would you book a sh*t match just because you already booked a sh*t storyline? It makes no sense. Only Vince Russo would think something like this is a good idea. This isn't the only dumb steel cage match at that year's Lockdown. There is a match that is called the "Electrified Six Sides of Steel" match. That's insanity. But in regards to this match; Move over Doomsday Cage, there's a new Worst in the World.Rankings (Best to Worst)
- Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
- The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
- Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
- Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
- The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
- Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
- Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
- Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
- Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
- The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996
- James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
Comments
Post a Comment