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Worst in the World: Total Divas vs The Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013

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What happens when you put 14 Divas in a ring and only about four or five of them are any good? Trash. You get trash. That's what this match is. This is a 7-on-7 Survivor Series tag match between the cast of Total Divas (The Bella Twins, Natalya, Eva Marie, The Funkadactyls, and JoJo) against the other Divas (AJ Lee, Tamina Snuka, Rosa Mendes, Kaitlyn, Summer Rae, Alicia Fox, and (My girl!) Aksana). Technically they're called the "True Divas" but let's be honest, they're just the other Divas. Also, oddly enough, this match is listed as "Team Eva Marie vs Team AJ Lee" on the WWE Network. That's weird.
So the match starts with Naomi and Alicia Fox. They do some awkward moves that look like botches, but I can't really tell. They go up to the top rope (oh God) and Fox gets knocked off. Naomi gets down...goes right back up, and Fox gets eliminated after a split-leg moonsault. It hasn't even been two minutes and there's already been an elimination. We're in for a ride. Rosa Mendes comes in (oh God) and Naomi immediately hits a Rear View, which Rosa COMPLETELY NO SELLS. F**K RIGHT OFF. Michael Cole says she moved, but she didn't, she just IGNORED THE FACT SHE WAS HIT WITH A FINISHER. Rosa Mendes had been wrestling for 7 years at this point.
Cameron tags in (oh God), Rosa pushes Cameron face first into the second turnbuckle and that's enough to eliminate Cameron. In perfect Cameron fashion, she screams and flails around while Rosa drags her away from the ropes, then goes completely limp when getting pinned. How does Cameron have a job? Who thought Cameron and Rosa Mendes in the ring at the same time was a good idea? They should get fired. Also, JBL calls the move Rosa did La Peligrosa. According to Wikipedia, La Peligrosa is a sidewalk slam. JBL sucks.
So after Cameron gets eliminated, Nikki Bella gets in the ring behind her back. The other Divas try to warn her, except for Summer Rae, who just smiles the whole time.

She does join Total Divas later on, maybe this was an inside job. Somebody call Jesse Ventura, we got a conspiracy here. Nikki hits the worst Bella Buster of all time and gets the three. This happened 17 seconds after Cameron got eliminated. It's been less than three minutes and three people are out. Summer Rae gets in and starts dancing, so Nikki Bella starts doing the worm. This match is pointless and dumb. Summer does the splits, Nikki hits a dropkick, and gets another elimination.
Kaitlyn gets in, and Eva Marie tags in and she gets booed out of the building. This is highlight #1 of the match. Kaitlyn destroys her with a fireman's carry gutbuster, which is highlight #2 of the match. Why did Kaitlyn have to leave? Naomi gets in, and Kaitlyn destroys her with a fireman's carry gutbuster. Again, why did Kaitlyn have to leave? Seriously, Kaitlyn is the absolute MVP of this match. On the downside, though, that's six eliminations in less than five minutes. This is pitiful
In comes Brie Bella, who eliminates Kaitlyn with a missile dropkick. F**k you, Brie Bella. At one point, Natalya tries to get a "Brie Mode" chant going (she fails), and before I forget, I want to talk about "Brie Mode" real quick. You know, that thing Brie screams anytime she's about to do her middle rope missile dropkick. Or that thing that gets screamed at the beginning of Brie's entrance music. Or that thing they keep putting on t-shirts for parents to buy for their kids. You know what "Brie Mode" actually is right? "Brie Mode" was started on Total Divas, and it refers to when Brie Bella gets sh*t-faced drunk. They sell t-shirts FOR CHILDREN with a phrase that means "sh*t-faced drunk":
 This isn't like in TNA where James Storm has a shirt that says "Save Water, Drink Beer" because TNA isn't trying to be a family show. WWE is. There, just had to get that off my chest. Where was I?
My girl Aksana gets in, and after a knee to the back by AJ, Aksana hits Brie with a rough spinebuster. She just throws her down as hard as she can. It's highlight #3 (side note: Kaitlyn and Aksana should have been a tag team). And once again, Nikki Bella gets in, immediately hits a Rack Attack and pins Aksana less than 30 seconds later. Psychology, what's that? Tamina gets in (oh God) and starts beating up Nikki. The crowd starts chanting "We Want JoJo" for some reason. She hasn't been in the match at this point, so I just want to talk about this for a second. Nobody's giving JoJo the slightest bit of a chance in this match. The commentators start talking about how little experience she has, Tamina knows she's about to kill her, even Nikki hesitated big time just to tag her in because Natalya was knocked off the apron by Tamina. They really built her up like a massive underdog in this situation. Tamina basically just bullies her in the ring, until JoJo almost gets a flash pin, which the crowd actually goes pretty crazy for. JoJo gets killed with a Samoan drop, and AJ tags in to get the pin, and the crowd actually gets excited when she tags in for the first time. So much for an underdog.
Natalya enters, and Cole states she's the only person left on her team, completely forgetting Nikki is in the match. I hate the commentary team. AJ tags out, and it's Tamina vs Natalya. Tamina goes for a Superfly Splash, misses, and Natalya locks in a Sharpshooter for the elimination. AJ immediatley gets in the ring, tries to put Natalya in the Black Widow, fails, and Natalya puts her in the Sharpshooter for the final elimination. Nikki and Natalya celebrate, and Lillian Garcia ANNOUNCES NATALYA AS THE SOLE SURVIVOR. It wasn't just the commentators; everyone forgot Nikki was still in the match. She's there celebrating a match she won, and she didn't even get announced as a winner. I never though I'd say this, but poor Nikki. At least the match is over. That's 12 eliminations in less than 12 minutes. I don't know how they managed to do it, but they made a traditional Survivor Series match filler. 12 minutes of filler.

The Verdict

It's bad, it's a nothing elimination match that is completely filler and meaningless. It's made worse by the fact that it's one of the matches the pay-per-view is named after. It'd be like if they had a Hell in a Cell match between Darren Young and one of the Matadors and it went 7 minutes at Hell in a Cell. Despite that, it wasn't even close to the worst match I've ever seen, and it definitely wasn't the worst match of 2013 like the Wrestling Observer Newsletter said it was. Hell, Randy Orton vs Big Show happens later in the pay-per-view, and that's ten times worse than this match. Anyway, it's bad, but not nearly the worst.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  2. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  3. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  4. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  5. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  6. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  7. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  8. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  9. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  10. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996
And up next in the Worst in the World is...
 Oh boy...TNA

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