Worst in the World: The Kennel From Hell Match-Unforgiven 1999

Photo credit: thesportster.com

I'm just going to be completely honest: the Attitude Era is by far the most overrated period in wrestling history. I'm not saying the Attitude Era was bad, it was amazing, and the hottest wrestling ever was. What I'm saying is is that people tend to look at it with rose-tinted glasses. Guys like Stone Cold, The Rock, and Mick Foley are easily some of the biggest stars in wrestling history, but things like Hawk's addiction issues being used in storyline, the Pretty Mean Sisters (P.M.S), and Mae Young giving birth to a hand are generally left out of the conversation about the Attitude Era and ignored like they never happened. It seems like people just try to ignore any bad thing that happened during that time, which is a huge contrast to today's wrestling where if something is bad, they'll never forget it. You can't just ignore the bad parts of an era and act like it was perfect. There is one match from the Attitude Era, however, that everyone seems to agree was an awful match and is even one of the worst matches of all time. Ladies and gentleman: Al Snow vs Big Boss Man in the Kennel from Hell match.

This match basically personifies every single thing wrong with the Attitude Era. It has bad wrestling, a horribly over complicated gimmick, and an insane and almost offensive background to set up a match. If you've never heard of this match and don't know about the storyline leading up to it, you'll probably think I'm making this up. But I swear, this might seem hard to believe, but this is the actual lead up to this match. Are you ready? Like are you really ready? Are you sure? Here we go:

Al Snow was most famous for carrying a mannequin head named Head to ring and asking the crowd "What does everybody want?" and "What does everybody need?" and they'd all yell "HEAD!" back at him (Get it...). After Prince Albert (aka Albert, aka A-Train, aka The Hip Hop Hippo (I'm not kidding), aka Tensai, aka Sweet T, and finally, aka NXT Head Trainer Matt Bloom) destroyed Head, Snow brought out a new companion, a chihuahua named Pepper. The Big Boss Man ended up kidnapping Pepper and (I'm dead serious) KILLED, CHOPPED UP, COOKED, AND FED HIM TO AL SNOW! WHAT DRUGS WERE THESE WRITERS ON?! This led Snow to challenge Boss Man to a match at Unforgiven. He doesn't, you know, call the cops for not only kidnapping, but killing his pet. Nope, he wants to fight him at a pay-per-view. Nothing says "revenge" like a pay-per-view payday!

Now the actual match. The Kennel from Hell match works like this. The ring is surrounded by a steel cage, and the ring, cage, and ringside are all surrounded with the Hell in a Cell. That's right, they busted out the Hell in a Cell for this sh*t. Also around ringside are (I'm dead serious) a pack of rottweilers. The winner is the person who escapes from the cage and the cell. Oh, and this is also for the Hardcore Championship. This match is so insane I'd almost forgot.

First off, the fact that they still use that blue bar steel cage for this match makes me laugh, just because nothing screams "HARDCORE!" like baby blue. Boss Man tries to hit Snow with a night stick to start the match, but Snow gets the advantage, and he beats him outside the cage with it. Snow locks Boss Man outside the cage, and the rottweilers start to come out. They come into the cell and (literally, as soon as it steps in the cell) one of the dogs pisses on the cell wall. I can already tell this is going to go swimmingly. Jerry Lawler laughed so hard he couldn't even get his lines out. 

Boss Man tries to climb into the cage, but Snow meets him at the top and they fight up there. Snow drops down, goes into his bag of weapons, and pulls out a snow shovel. Like I said in the Doomsday Cage entry, out of all the weapons in the back, or wherever he went to get a weapon, he chose a SNOW SHOVEL. They both end up hanging on the cage wall, hanging over the dogs, and then it hits me...as this match even started yet? Seriously, Boss Man never stepped in the ring, and you have to be in the ring for a match to start, so has it started yet?

 Boss Man climbs into the cage, but now Snow is hanging on the cell wall. He climbs right over the cell door and...REACHES OVER AND CLIMBS BACK INTO THE CAGE! ARE YOU SERIOUS! HE HAD THE MATCH WON! ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS DROP DOWN, WALK OUT THE DOOR, AND LEAVE. MATCH OVER! YOU'RE WINNER AND STILL HARDCORE CHAMPION, AL SNOW! C'MON MAN!

Snow gets superplexed into the ring by Boss Man, and the dogs start fighting with each other. The cameras cut to this because it's about a thousand times more entertaining than the actual match. Boss Man pummels Snow with weapons for a bit, and he tires to literally cut the cell roof open with pliers. This works somehow, but Snow stops him. Boss Man beats him up some more, and then goes to throw powder in Snow's face, which Snow smacks into Boss Man's face. Lawler calls it "some contraband". That's actually pretty funny.  So far they've used a nightstick, a snow shovel, a stick (literally, just a small stick), pliers, and now powder. Normally I'd say hardcore matches use pretty much everything but the kitchen sink, but I'm pretty sure I've seen a hardcore match where someone's used a kitchen sink as a weapon.

Snow starts beating Boss Man with weapons, and now both men are bleeding. Snow tries to get a dog to bite Boss Man's arm, but the dogs are literally paying zero attention. Boss Man hits Snow with a terrible shot with the shovel, which he follows up with a nasty sounding one right to the back of Snow's head. Boss Man then handcuffs Snow to the turnbuckle with handcuffs that are (for whatever reason) already on the turnbuckle. Boss Man didn't put them there, they're just...there. Boss Man tries to get out through the top again, but Snow breaks the handcuffs, pulls him down, and Boss Man lands on the ropes crotch first.

Snow goes for his bag of weapons and pulls out...

WWE Network

HEAD! Snow got Head! Man, I was so worried we'd never see Snow getting Head ever again!...I feel dirty for writing that. Snow hits Boss Man with Head. You could say that he gave Boss Man...Head! Eh...eh...I'm so sorry.

The two race out of the cage, with Snow trying to get through the door and Boss Man trying to climb out through the top. Not only does Snow try going to the area with all the "vicious, dangerous rottweilers", which is dumb, but he does it, and the dogs don't even try to go anywhere near him. These are the worst vicious dogs ever. And on the subject, why didn't Snow just do this when he was in this same position like seven minutes ago? Anyway, Snow won and is still the Hardcore Champion, which they don't even give him because the title was such an afterthought in this title match. Jim Ross ends it by saying we've seen "the first, and maybe last, Kennel from Hell match". We can only hope, JR. We can only hope.

The Verdict

This was awful. It was, like I said, every bad thing about the Attitude Era rolled into one match. The only thing that could've made this worse was Mae Young coming out giving birth to a hand in the middle of the ring. Nothing that exciting happens in this match either. It's just garbage hardcore wrestling.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

1. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
2. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
3. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
4. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
5. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
6. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
7. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
8. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
9. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
10. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
11. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
12. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
13. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
14. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996 
15. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007

So, up next in the Worst in the World is...

"Big Fat Oily Guy"...Oh my god.

Thanks for reading.