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Worst in the World: Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild

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Remember that WCW pay-per-view I talked about where they couldn't pull in any money at the gate. Well, this is it. Hog Wild (later Road Wild) was a 1996 pay-per-view that WCW held at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. Because there is no admission at the rally, nobody pays to watch the wrestling. This means that WCW held a pay-per-view not once, but four times, and earned zero from the gate. That's just a gigantic waste of money. It's like a real life version of Brewster's Millions, with Eric Bischoff as Richard Pryor. The only difference is that instead of getting 300 million dollars for spending a bunch of money, he gets to do nothing with Bret Hart. This was one month after Hulk Hogan joined the NWO, and wrestling is about to enter its hottest period in history. How does WCW decide to kick off this new angle? With The Giant...dammit. Yep, even in 1996, Big Show ruined everything he touched. He defends his WCW World Heavyweight Championship against Hollywood Hogan in the main event of Hog Wild.
For what it's worth, Big Show looks really good here; he's probably in the best shape of his life at this point. The match takes forever to start, as Hogan won't get in the ring because the Giant keeps charging at him. He almost takes a count-out loss as soon as the match starts, which makes literally no sense because the title isn't his, so there's no value in walking out. The Giant stops the ref from counting, which makes even less sense because not only is he stopping his opponent from losing, but also voluntarily giving a member of a heel faction that is trying to take over the company he is the champion for a chance to win that championship. I know he is being "the noble babyface", but that makes zero sense in this situation. It would be like if in 2010 Randy Orton was defending the WWE Championship against Wade Barrett, Barrett tries to walk out, and Vince McMahon comes out and is all like "YOU GET IN THAT RING AND FIGHT FOR MY TITLE!". If Hogan wants to give up his title match, just let him. The match hasn't even started yet and I'm annoyed.
So now the match finally starts almost three minutes after Giant gets to the ring. Hogan throws a few punches, and immediately gets out of the ring. He gets back in, gets shoulder tackled, and leaves again. Hogan gives out to the fans, gets back in the ring, gets side suplexed, and leaves the ring for the third time this match. Are you seeing a pattern here?
After a whole minute of the two telling each other to come at them (Come at me, brother!), they do a test of strength spot that Hogan wins after kicking Giant in the gut. I'm sorry, but you have to suspend disbelief pretty damn hard to believe Hulk Hogan is stronger than the Giant, even with a kick. They reverse it, with Giant taking control. This spot goes on for an entire minute before Giant puts Hogan in a hammerlock, and Hogan pulls Giant to the ground by his hair (what?) and puts on an armbar.
Hogan gets the heat for what feels like forever, as he keeps Giant in holds for a good three minutes, they do another "pull him down by his hair spot" (again, what?), before Giant gets offense in with a bunch of headbutts, and Hogan gets headbutted over the top rope. If you're keeping count, this is the fourth time Hulk Hogan has left the ring in this match. Hogan pulls Giant out of the ring and Hogan beats him up at ringside. Giant slams Hogan into the ring post, and they get back in the ring, and this is more boring than my Mega Cities of Asia class.
Giant starts to Hulk up on Hogan, hits a big boot (which Tony Schiavone calls a "big foot" because "God dammit") and calls for the chokeslam. Scott Hall and Kevin Nash run down, and each eat a chokeslam. Hogan hits Giant with the belt, which the referee doesn't see because he's busy making sure the two wrestlers NOT wrestling in this match are okay, and gets the three. Man, that was boring. Oh, and the NWO beats up the Booty Man. Whatever. However, it does lead to one of Hogan's greatest lines when talking about Ric Flair
"That was my best friend. If I'll do that to my best friend, what am I gonna do to you in Denver, Colorado?"
But that's pretty much the only good thing about this match. The post-match promo.

The Verdict

The phrase "Less is more" does not apply to wrestling. Nothing happens at all during this match that it was hard to talk about. This match is so boring and un-entertaining that it should be used to treat insomnia. It will put somebody to sleep in seconds.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  2. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  3. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  4. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  5. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  6. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  7. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  8. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  9. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  10. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  11. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996 
  12. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
 At least I'm almost done with Hogan matches. What's next...
Hmmm...

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