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Worst in the World: Mr. T vs Roddy Piper-WrestleMania 2

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Whenever professional wrestling tries to do anything other than professional wrestling, they fall flat on their face. Just look at things like the XFL, the World Bodybuilding Federation, or the Brawl for All tournament; all are now infamous failures from WWE and Vince McMahon, who tried to branch outside of wrestling and failed. And don't even get me started with WWE Films!
What might be worse than those, however, is whenever professional wrestling companies try to book a real fight (like boxing or MMA) with a scripted finish. You see, here's the thing, you can't script a real fight and make it look real, despite what a lot of people might believe. If you try to make it look real and have two guys go all out on each other, what are the odds that the scripted loser lands one too many good punches and knocks out the winner? It just doesn't work. That hasn't stopped wrestling companies from trying, with matches like AJ Styles vs Frank Trigg taking place at TNA's No Surrender 2008 in a "MMA match." It was sh*t. But hey, at least it wasn't this match!
Yes, today I take a look at Mr. T and Roddy Piper's boxing match from WrestleMania 2, one of only five matches to earn a MINUS. FIVE. STARS. rating from Dave Meltzer. It's the perfect sh*tstorm of bad wrestling; celebrity over-involvement, a fake-shoot fight, a bullsh*t finish, and it all takes place at one of the worst WrestleManias of all time. This about as bad as it gets without including Jenna Morasca. Let's get into this.
So before the match, we've got a bunch of celebrity guests who don't really do much, One of these guests includes G. Gordon Liddy, who is best known for serving 52-months in federal prison for his role in the Watergate Scandal, as a "guest judge." Why is he here? Also, we get some of the infamously bad commentary Susan Saint James. I don't know what Vince McMahon's fascination was with putting celebrities who clearly know nothing about wrestling on commentary is, but I'm glad it stopped. So after a full 7 MINUTES of introductions and reading of the rules, the fight finally starts. As you ca only expect, pretty much the entire fight is just a lot of punching, hugging, and Roddy Piper throwing in some cheap shots when he's supposed to break. This goes on for 13 MINUTES by the way.
At one point, Susan Saint James says Mr. T plays by the rules because "he is a boxer." Really? He's not a boxer, he played a boxer in Rocky III. It's like saying Tom Hiddleston is an actual supervillian. Stupid idiot...So just about the entirety of Round 1 is just Mr. T and Piper hugging each other in the ropes and punching each other. To start off Round 2, the referee gives Piper grief for having "a bunch of grease all over his forehead" and wipes it off back in Piper's corner. As soon as the referee turns his back, Piper's manager Lou Duva hops up on the apron and puts more right back on. How the referee doesn't notice the giant blob in Piper's hair right away, or at all, I'll never know:
 Round 2 is basically just Piper beating the piss out Mr. T, who is clearly completely gassed at this point. Piper knocks T down for the first time in the fight, but he gets back up before the 10 count. After the round ends, Piper gets a cheap shot in and Cowboy Bob Orton throws water on Mr. T while he's in his corner. They're trying, they're really trying to get people invested in this match.
In Round 3, Mr. T is able to knock Piper down twice, including knocking him clean out of the ring with a punch that very clearly did not connect at all. Round 3 ends, and then the best (and only good) moment of the entire fight happens. Roddy Piper just picks up his stool and chucks it at Mr. T. It's amazing, Roddy Piper is the best.
Round 4 starts, the two trade punches, knock each other's mouth pieces out, and go lock up in the corner/ Piper shoves the referee to the ground when he tries to break it up, and bodyslams Mr. T. This gets Piper disqualified, and everybody at ringside fights.

The Verdict

Holy f*ck that was boring. That's it, it was just 13 boring minutes of NOT wrestling. I'm so glad they never did anything like this again:
F*ck off.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1.  Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
  2. Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
  3. T&A vs Head Cheese-WrestleMania 2000
  4. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  5. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  6. Rick Rude vs Hawk-Clash of the Champions XXV
  7. Shelton Benjamin vs Viscera-New Year's Revolution 2006
  8. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  9. The Natural Disasters vs Money Inc.-WrestleMania VIII
  10. ODB, Taylor Wilde, and Roxxi vs The Kongtourage-Genesis 2009
  11. Ivory vs Tori-SummerSlam 1999
  12. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  13. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  14. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  15. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  16. Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long-Capital Combat
  17. Dusty Rhodes vs Big Boss Man-Saturday Night's Main Event (10/31/1989)
  18. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  19. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Souled Out 1997
  20. Dustin Rhodes & King Kong vs Awesome Kong & The Equalizer-Battlebowl
  21. Finlay & Little Bastard vs The Boogeyman & Little Boogeyman-No Way Out 2007
  22. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
  23. Yokozuna vs King Mabel-In Your House 4
  24. Sting & Hawk vs Meng & Kurasawa-Clash of the Champions XXXI
  25. Hulk Hogan vs Randy Savage-Uncensored 1998
  26. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  27. Mickie James vs Ashley-Royal Rumble 2006
  28. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  29. Team WCW vs nWo Wolfpac vs nWo Hollywood-Fall Brawl 1998
  30. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
  31. Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania III
  32. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
  33. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
  34. Jim Steele vs The Equalizer-SuperBrawl IV
  35. Edge vs Triple H vs Vladimir Kozlov-Survivor Series 2008
  36. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  37. Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
  38. Scott Hall vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl IX
  39. PN News & Bobby Eaton vs Steve Austin & Terrance Taylor-Great American Bash 1991
  40. Scott Steiner vs Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Road Warrior Animal-Sin
  41. Hollywood Hogan vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl 1997
  42. Batista vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2007
  43.  Sable vs Tori-WrestleMania XV
  44. Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII
  45. The 8-Divas Tag Match-Survivor Series 1999
  46. The Fabulous Freebirds vs The Renegade Warriors-Halloween Havoc 1990
  47. Rick Rude vs Masahiro Chono-Halloween Havoc 1992
  48. Mike Awesome vs Vampiro-Halloween Havoc 2000
  49. Bray Wyatt vs John Cena-Extreme Rules 2014
  50. Mabel vs The Undertaker-King of the Ring 1995
  51. Wendi Richter vs The Fabulous Moolah-The Brawl to End it All
  52. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  53. Abdullah the Butcher vs One Man Gang-Heroes of Wrestling
  54. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  55. Mr. T vs Roddy Piper-WrestleMania 2
  56. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  57. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
  58. Oz vs Tim Parker-SuperBrawl
  59. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
  60. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996 
  61. Kaitlyn vs Maxine-NXT (10/19/10)
  62. Sabu vs The Sandman-November to Remember 1997
  63. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
  64. John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
  65. Ultimate Warrior vs Goldust-In Your House 7
  66. Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus-Triplemania XXIII
  67. Jenna Morasca vs Sharmell-Victory Road 2009
And up next is...
Oh yeah, more non-wrestlers.
Thanks for reading. Be sure to share if you enjoyed. Also, check out my Patreon
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Comments

  1. AnonymousJanuary 18, 2021 at 12:01 PM

    If its as bad as they say it is. Why don't they just say this on national television instead of saying it here anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Damon SnellingFebruary 18, 2021 at 11:52 AM

    Its pathetic trying to make these guys look relevant by acting like athletes they are not. Its even more pathetic when people have to read and type comments like this on the internet and cannot say the same truths on television without relegating to the internet. What's up with that anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Italian Lucifer who became a saintFebruary 18, 2021 at 11:56 AM

    Oops. I meant to say without relegating the truth to the internet. But it is true. Too much of what everyone should have learned in books at libraries and on television unfortunately too much truth is on the internet where it should not be.

    ReplyDelete

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