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Worst in the World: Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long-Capital Combat

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A manager can be a huge part of a wrestlers character. You take a talented wrestler with bad mic skills and put him with a guy who can do the talking for him. Imagine if Brock Lesnar didn't have Paul Heyman by his side, and Brock had to cut promos in his high-pitched, frequently cracking, "Did this guy even hit puberty" voice that doesn't fit his body at all. It would probably kill his aura. Thankfully, he's got one of the best talkers in the business in Paul Heyman to do the talking for him.
One thing that managers should not do, however, is get in the ring and wrestle each other. This is mainly because, obviously, they aren't wrestlers. Sure, they've been around wrestling and have gotten an up close view of it, but as history has shown, that doesn't mean they can wrestle. This match pits the legendary Road Warriors manager Paul Ellering against Doom's manager and tag match enthusiast Teddy Long against each other at Capital Combat, a show most famous for RoboCop showing up and freeing Sting from a cage because RoboCop and WCW are canon, apparently.
Also, as an added stipulation, this is a Hair vs Hair match, even though neither guy has that much hair to begin with. I mean, Teddy Long is practically bald already.
But whatever, let's just get into the match.
First off, Teddy Long comes out in boxing gear. If you've never seen a boxing match on a wrestling show, then you have no idea how bad it can be. Let's just say a certain boxing match is going to be showing up in this series very soon. The match kicks off with Long rushing Ellering and punching him a lot. And he punches him...and he punches him...and he punches him. Ellering eventually grabs Long by the throat and forces him into the corner before trying to punch, but the referee stops him because he is both choking Long and he's in the corner. Wow, referee's following the rules, that's so rare in this series.
Ellering is able to get one of Long's gloves off and gives him a back elbow and a body slam before picking up the glove. Turns out it was a "loaded glove" and he knocks out Long with it for the win. That's odd, because Long used that same glove to punch Ellering in the face and he only got a two count. But whatever.

The Verdict

Well...that was harmless. Seriously, that just kind of...happened. Not much to really say. There weren't any botches, Ellering actually looked quite good, in fact. That's all I can really say.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1.  Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
  2. Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
  3. T&A vs Head Cheese-WrestleMania 2000
  4. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  5. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  6. Rick Rude vs Hawk-Clash of the Champions XXV
  7. Shelton Benjamin vs Viscera-New Year's Revolution 2006
  8. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  9. The Natural Disasters vs Money Inc.-WrestleMania VIII
  10. ODB, Taylor Wilde, and Roxxi vs The Kongtourage-Genesis 2009
  11. Ivory vs Tori-SummerSlam 1999
  12. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  13. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  14. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  15. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  16. Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long-Capital Combat
  17. Dusty Rhodes vs Big Boss Man-Saturday Night's Main Event (10/31/1989)
  18. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  19. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Souled Out 1997
  20. Dustin Rhodes & King Kong vs Awesome Kong & The Equalizer-Battlebowl
  21. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
  22. Yokozuna vs King Mabel-In Your House 4
  23. Sting & Hawk vs Meng & Kurasawa-Clash of the Champions XXXI
  24. Hulk Hogan vs Randy Savage-Uncensored 1998
  25. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  26. Mickie James vs Ashley-Royal Rumble 2006
  27. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  28. Team WCW vs nWo Wolfpac vs nWo Hollywood-Fall Brawl 1998
  29. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
  30. Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania III
  31. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
  32. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
  33. Jim Steele vs The Equalizer-SuperBrawl IV
  34. Edge vs Triple H vs Vladimir Kozlov-Survivor Series 2008
  35. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  36. Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
  37. Scott Hall vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl IX
  38. PN News & Bobby Eaton vs Steve Austin & Terrance Taylor-Great American Bash 1991
  39. Scott Steiner vs Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Road Warrior Animal-Sin
  40. Hollywood Hogan vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl 1997
  41. Batista vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2007
  42.  Sable vs Tori-WrestleMania XV
  43. Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII
  44. The 8-Divas Tag Match-Survivor Series 1999
  45. Rick Rude vs Masahiro Chono-Halloween Havoc 1992
  46. Mike Awesome vs Vampiro-Halloween Havoc 2000
  47. Bray Wyatt vs John Cena-Extreme Rules 2014
  48. Mabel vs The Undertaker-King of the Ring 1995
  49. Wendi Richter vs The Fabulous Moolah-The Brawl to End it All
  50. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  51. Abdullah the Butcher vs One Man Gang-Heroes of Wrestling
  52. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  53. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  54. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
  55. Oz vs Tim Parker-SuperBrawl
  56. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
  57. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996 
  58. Kaitlyn vs Maxine-NXT (10/19/10)
  59. Sabu vs The Sandman-November to Remember 1997
  60. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
  61. John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
  62. Ultimate Warrior vs Goldust-In Your House 7
  63. Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus-Triplemania XXIII
  64. Jenna Morasca vs Sharmell-Victory Road 2009
And up next is...hopefully something with more substance...or actual substance.
The Freebirds? Umm...OK
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