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Worst in the World: Eric Bischoff vs Teddy Long-Survivor Series 2005

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I've said this more than a few times on this blog, but since it has come up again, I'll say it again; NON-WRESTLERS SHOULD NOT WRESTLE. THEY ARE NOT GOOD AT IT. There are notable exceptions like Lawernce Taylor and Stephen Amell, but they are far and few between. That being said, you can't change the past, and there are a ton of these non-wrester matches to get through. This entry in the Worst in the World takes a look at the ill-fated match between RAW General Manager Eric Bischoff against SmackDown General Manager Teddy Long at Survivor Series 2005. We've already seen Long try to wrestle, let's see how Bischoff fares. I mean, these guys had been around the wrestling business for over a decade each, they must know how to put a watchable match together, right?...Right? Let's get into this.
The match kicks off with over a minute of Long dodging Bischoff, Long's manager Palmer Cannon hops up on the apron to mock Bischoff. Hey, remember Palmer Cannon? The "network executive" that JBL & Chris Benoit bullied into quitting. Didn't think so. The two referees (one from RAW, one from SmackDown) go to get Cannon off the apron, which allows Bischoff to choke Long with his black belt before kicking Cannon off the apron. Bischoff continues to choke Long until he locks in a sleeper hold. Long slides his shoe off and hits Bischoff  with it. Bischoff quickly regains control with a "karate thrust" into Long's throat as the crowd chants "BORING!" I can't blame them.
Bischoff goes to pick up Long off the ground when suddenly...I'M THE BOOGEYMAN, AND I'M COMING TO GET YOU! Yep...it's the Boogeyman again. The commentary team is puzzled as to what this is, despite the fact that "I'M THE BOOGEYMAN" are literally the first words of his entrance theme, and "BOOGEYMAN" appears in big letters on the screen. Stupid idiots...Bischoff sends the referees up the entrance ramp to go stop the Boogeyman, but the Boogeyman comes in the ring from the other side. Boogeyman grabs Bischoff and hits the Boogey Slam, a pump handle power slam, and Long makes the cover for the win.

The Verdict

This was sh*t. There was zero wrestling whatsoever, and 90% of the offense was choke based. The only redeeming thing is that it was mercifully short.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1.  Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
  2. Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
  3. T&A vs Head Cheese-WrestleMania 2000
  4. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  5. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  6. Rick Rude vs Hawk-Clash of the Champions XXV
  7. Shelton Benjamin vs Viscera-New Year's Revolution 2006
  8. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  9. The Natural Disasters vs Money Inc.-WrestleMania VIII
  10. ODB, Taylor Wilde, and Roxxi vs The Kongtourage-Genesis 2009
  11. Ivory vs Tori-SummerSlam 1999
  12. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  13. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  14. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  15. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  16. Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long-Capital Combat
  17. Dusty Rhodes vs Big Boss Man-Saturday Night's Main Event (10/31/1989)
  18. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  19. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Souled Out 1997
  20. Dustin Rhodes & King Kong vs Awesome Kong & The Equalizer-Battlebowl
  21. Finlay & Little Bastard vs The Boogeyman & Little Boogeyman-No Way Out 2007
  22. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
  23. Yokozuna vs King Mabel-In Your House 4
  24. Sting & Hawk vs Meng & Kurasawa-Clash of the Champions XXXI
  25. Hulk Hogan vs Randy Savage-Uncensored 1998
  26. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  27. Mickie James vs Ashley-Royal Rumble 2006
  28. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  29. Team WCW vs nWo Wolfpac vs nWo Hollywood-Fall Brawl 1998
  30. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
  31. Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania III
  32. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
  33. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
  34. Jim Steele vs The Equalizer-SuperBrawl IV
  35. Edge vs Triple H vs Vladimir Kozlov-Survivor Series 2008
  36. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  37. Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
  38. Scott Hall vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl IX
  39. PN News & Bobby Eaton vs Steve Austin & Terrance Taylor-Great American Bash 1991
  40. Scott Steiner vs Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Road Warrior Animal-Sin
  41. Hollywood Hogan vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl 1997
  42. Batista vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2007
  43.  Sable vs Tori-WrestleMania XV
  44. Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII
  45. The 8-Divas Tag Match-Survivor Series 1999
  46. The Fabulous Freebirds vs The Renegade Warriors-Halloween Havoc 1990
  47. Rick Rude vs Masahiro Chono-Halloween Havoc 1992
  48. Mike Awesome vs Vampiro-Halloween Havoc 2000
  49. Bray Wyatt vs John Cena-Extreme Rules 2014
  50. Mabel vs The Undertaker-King of the Ring 1995
  51. Wendi Richter vs The Fabulous Moolah-The Brawl to End it All
  52. Teddy Long vs Eric Bischoff-Survivor Series 2005
  53. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  54. Abdullah the Butcher vs One Man Gang-Heroes of Wrestling
  55. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  56. Mr. T vs Roddy Piper-WrestleMania 2
  57. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  58. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
  59. Oz vs Tim Parker-SuperBrawl
  60. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
  61. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996 
  62. Kaitlyn vs Maxine-NXT (10/19/10)
  63. Sabu vs The Sandman-November to Remember 1997
  64. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
  65. John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
  66. Ultimate Warrior vs Goldust-In Your House 7
  67. Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus-Triplemania XXIII
  68. Jenna Morasca vs Sharmell-Victory Road 2009
And up next in the Worst in the World is...
OH MY GOD DAVID FLAIR! This should be fun.
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