However, arguably his worst moment comes from Over the Limit 2012, when he took on heel general manager John Laurinaitis in a No Disqualifications match, where if Laurinaitis lost he was fired. While Laurinaitis is a former wrestler, he hasn't wrestled regularly since 2000, so at this point he is a non-wrestler. Why are they wrestling? No reason. There's no actual reason for these two to wrestle. So basically, this is a match where a wrestler who is in his prime battering a 47-year old ex-wrestler with no rules or regulations, for no reason. #1 babyface John Cena! Even worse, this MAIN-EVENTED the show. A show that featured a Fatal 4-Way for the World Heavyweight Championship and CM Punk vs Daniel Bryan for the WWE Championship, THIS main-evented. Get ready.
So, as you can probably tell, this is a glorified squash match. Sorry to spoil it for you, but it seemed obvious. There is no need for this match to exist.
Laurinaitis immediately flees from the ring when the match starts, but Cena catches him, brings him back, and clotheslines him. Cena lifts Laurinaitis' shirt up and delivers some weak slaps, and gets him up for an Attitude Adjustment. You'd think that this is where the match would end, but no. Cena gives him an airplane spin, and sets him down because "#1 babyface John Cena!" needs this to keep
Laurinaitis falls out of the ring, so Cena grabs the ring bell and rings it by Laurinaitis' head a couple of times. Michael Cole pleads with Cena to pin him and be done with it. For once, I agree with Michael Cole. You see what John Cena does to me?
So after smashing Laurinaitis into the table a few times, Cena takes him to the Spanish commentary table to do commentary. In the one funny moment from this match, Cena impersonates Michael Cole, and asks "Booker" (Laurinaitis) about something, and Laurinaitis weakly responds "Five...time". That was beautiful.
Laurinaitis asks Cena for a handshake, so Cena slaps him because "#1 babyface John Cena!" and goes out to get a microphone. He says he's going to put him in the STF, and he'll let go after 10 seconds. He manages to do it, so he DOES IT AGAIN.
Ok, I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room, and that's that John Cena comes off as a massive bully in this match. I know you're thinking "Oh, but it's a heel getting his comeuppance". THIS GOES ON FOR 17 MINUTES! This goes beyond "comeuppance" and goes into bullying territory. He batters this guy. It's called "an eye for an eye" not "an eye for everything but your pinkie finger".
So after Laurinaitis survives the STF again, Cena gets some water and pours it on Laurinaitis, and even down his pants because "#1 babyface John Cena!" Cena then gets A F*CKING FIRE EXTINGUISHER! ARE YOU KIDDING! DID NOBODY IN CREATIVE READ THIS AND THIK "MAYBE THIS IS A LITTLE EXCESSIVE". And better yet, after that, Cena dumps trash on Laurinaitis.
Laurinaitis tries to run, but Cena catches him. However, Laurinaitis pulls Cena's arm that was injured by Brock Lesnar at Extreme Rules. Laurinaitis gets a steel chair and hits Cena a few times and makes a cover, which Cena kicks out of at two. Ok...get ready for this...this is going to be a big one...
EVEN IN A F**KING SQUASH MATCH AGAINST JOHNNY F**KING ACE THEY TEASE THAT CENA MIGHT LOSE WITH A F**KING TWO COUNT! HE'S FIGHTING ONE OF THE F**KING DYNAMIC F**KING DUDES! HE SHOULD HAVE F**KING GOT IN THE RING, F**KING AA'D HIM, F**KING PINNED HIM, AND F**KING WON IT'S THAT F**KING SIMPLE! ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M WRONG, THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN DONE THIS F**KING MATCH IN THE FIRST PLACE! YOU KNOW WHY!
SPOILER ALERT!
LAURINAITIS WINS! YEP, ALL THIS F**KING BULLSH*T IS FOR ABSOLUTELY F**KING NOTHING. AND THE WORST PART, THE WORST F**KING PART...AT NO WAY OUT A MONTH LATER, CENA WON A MATCH AND GOT LAURINAITIS FIRED. THAT'S RIGHT, THEY HAD LAURINAITIS KEEP HIS JOB JUST SO HE COULD GET FIRED A MONTH LATER! WHY THE F**K WOULD YOU EVEN DO THIS MATCH THEN, IT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO GOD DAMN SENSE! CENA DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO LOSE! SO WHY DO IT! F**K RIGHT OFF! TAKE A F**KING BOO! MINUS FIVE F**KING STARS! NO F**KING BUYS! JUST...F**K!
Whew...that's been building up inside me for like three years now. Glad I finally got that out of my system. So back to the match.
So, as you can probably tell, this is a glorified squash match. Sorry to spoil it for you, but it seemed obvious. There is no need for this match to exist.
Laurinaitis immediately flees from the ring when the match starts, but Cena catches him, brings him back, and clotheslines him. Cena lifts Laurinaitis' shirt up and delivers some weak slaps, and gets him up for an Attitude Adjustment. You'd think that this is where the match would end, but no. Cena gives him an airplane spin, and sets him down because "#1 babyface John Cena!" needs this to keep
Laurinaitis falls out of the ring, so Cena grabs the ring bell and rings it by Laurinaitis' head a couple of times. Michael Cole pleads with Cena to pin him and be done with it. For once, I agree with Michael Cole. You see what John Cena does to me?
So after smashing Laurinaitis into the table a few times, Cena takes him to the Spanish commentary table to do commentary. In the one funny moment from this match, Cena impersonates Michael Cole, and asks "Booker" (Laurinaitis) about something, and Laurinaitis weakly responds "Five...time". That was beautiful.
Laurinaitis asks Cena for a handshake, so Cena slaps him because "#1 babyface John Cena!" and goes out to get a microphone. He says he's going to put him in the STF, and he'll let go after 10 seconds. He manages to do it, so he DOES IT AGAIN.
Ok, I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room, and that's that John Cena comes off as a massive bully in this match. I know you're thinking "Oh, but it's a heel getting his comeuppance". THIS GOES ON FOR 17 MINUTES! This goes beyond "comeuppance" and goes into bullying territory. He batters this guy. It's called "an eye for an eye" not "an eye for everything but your pinkie finger".
So after Laurinaitis survives the STF again, Cena gets some water and pours it on Laurinaitis, and even down his pants because "#1 babyface John Cena!" Cena then gets A F*CKING FIRE EXTINGUISHER! ARE YOU KIDDING! DID NOBODY IN CREATIVE READ THIS AND THIK "MAYBE THIS IS A LITTLE EXCESSIVE". And better yet, after that, Cena dumps trash on Laurinaitis.
Laurinaitis tries to run, but Cena catches him. However, Laurinaitis pulls Cena's arm that was injured by Brock Lesnar at Extreme Rules. Laurinaitis gets a steel chair and hits Cena a few times and makes a cover, which Cena kicks out of at two. Ok...get ready for this...this is going to be a big one...
EVEN IN A F**KING SQUASH MATCH AGAINST JOHNNY F**KING ACE THEY TEASE THAT CENA MIGHT LOSE WITH A F**KING TWO COUNT! HE'S FIGHTING ONE OF THE F**KING DYNAMIC F**KING DUDES! HE SHOULD HAVE F**KING GOT IN THE RING, F**KING AA'D HIM, F**KING PINNED HIM, AND F**KING WON IT'S THAT F**KING SIMPLE! ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M WRONG, THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN DONE THIS F**KING MATCH IN THE FIRST PLACE! YOU KNOW WHY!
SPOILER ALERT!
LAURINAITIS WINS! YEP, ALL THIS F**KING BULLSH*T IS FOR ABSOLUTELY F**KING NOTHING. AND THE WORST PART, THE WORST F**KING PART...AT NO WAY OUT A MONTH LATER, CENA WON A MATCH AND GOT LAURINAITIS FIRED. THAT'S RIGHT, THEY HAD LAURINAITIS KEEP HIS JOB JUST SO HE COULD GET FIRED A MONTH LATER! WHY THE F**K WOULD YOU EVEN DO THIS MATCH THEN, IT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO GOD DAMN SENSE! CENA DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO LOSE! SO WHY DO IT! F**K RIGHT OFF! TAKE A F**KING BOO! MINUS FIVE F**KING STARS! NO F**KING BUYS! JUST...F**K!
Whew...that's been building up inside me for like three years now. Glad I finally got that out of my system. So back to the match.
Cena takes the chair and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle with the chair. Side note: why did Cena have to change the names of the FU (Attitude Adjustment) and STFU (STF), but not the Five Knuckle Shuffle? Is WWE not aware of what it actually means. Google it...wait...don't. Anyway, Laurinaitis low blows Cena and escapes through the crowd. So instead of chasing after him, Cena just kind of...let's him leave. Maybe he decided to show him mercy? Who am I kinding, it's #1 babyface John Cena! He shows no mercy.
So Laurinaitis is gone, but...WEEEELLLLLLLLLLL IT"S THE BIG SHOW! Yeah, all this match was missing was Big Show! Actually, there is a good reason for Show to be here, since Laurinaitis fired him on the last RAW before Over the Limit. Show carries Laurinaitis back to the ring, and Cena sets him up for an AA. BUT SWERVE! BIG SHOW KNOCKS OUT CENA! Laurinaitis pins Cena for the three and the win. And you know what, CENA F**KING DESERVED IT! He had this match won about 100 times, but decided to be a twat, beat the guy up for an unnecessarily long time, and it cost him. I said it at the beginning and I'll say it again now: John Cena is a dick.
So Laurinaitis is gone, but...WEEEELLLLLLLLLLL IT"S THE BIG SHOW! Yeah, all this match was missing was Big Show! Actually, there is a good reason for Show to be here, since Laurinaitis fired him on the last RAW before Over the Limit. Show carries Laurinaitis back to the ring, and Cena sets him up for an AA. BUT SWERVE! BIG SHOW KNOCKS OUT CENA! Laurinaitis pins Cena for the three and the win. And you know what, CENA F**KING DESERVED IT! He had this match won about 100 times, but decided to be a twat, beat the guy up for an unnecessarily long time, and it cost him. I said it at the beginning and I'll say it again now: John Cena is a dick.
The Verdict
I've just been sitting in my room in complete silence trying to contain myself and write something. I thought there was only one match that could top the Blindfold Steel Cage match as the worst I've ever seen. This isn't that match. But this topped it. This is by far the angriest I've ever been during a wrestling match. And unlike the Blindfold Steel Cage, this had almost no wrestling. At least with the Blindfold Steel Cage match, there were some moves. This one has nothing. It's the worst I've seen so far.Rankings (Best to Worst)
- Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
- Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
- Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
- Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
- The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
- Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
- Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
- The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
- Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
- Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
- Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
- Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
- Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
- Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
- Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
- Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
- Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
- Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
- Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
- The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
- Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
- Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
- The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996
- James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
- John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
MONGO!
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