Worst in the World: Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999

There have been many gimmicks over the years in wrestling that have just been flat out insensitive. Characters like Eugene, Akeem, and Muhammad Hassan are all generally looked back on as horrible creations based on terrible stereotypes turned up to eleven. But in my opinion, the worst, most downright horrendously offensive character in wrestling is Oklahoma. Not just because it's making fun of a serious illness, but because it's directly making fun of a well respected wrestling figure with that illness.

If you don't know, Oklahoma was played by Ed Ferrara, a writer from WWF who left with Vince Russo to WCW, and was a direct parody of Jim Ross and his Bell's palsy. Oklahoma (named after J.R.'s home state) would dress like J.R., talk like J.R., use J.R.'s catchphrase, and (worst of all) slanted his face so looked like he had Bell's palsy. It was disgusting, and both Ferrera and Russo have apologized for the character.

So despite the fact that Ferrara wasn't a wrestler, Russo (who seems to love putting titles on non-wrestlers) booked Oklahoma to win the Cruiserweight Championship from Madusa. There were a couple of problems with this

1. Like I said, Ed Ferrara is not a wrestler
2. Oklahoma was too heavy to even be competing for the title, so after he won, he vacated it two days later, making the title change pointless
3. ED FERRARA IS NOT A WRESTLER!
4. One could argue that this was the moment that the Cruiserweight Championship lost all it's prestige. Gone were the days of Malenko and Jericho..it was just Oklahoma
5. ED FERRARA IS NOT A WRESTLER!!!

However, before he became the Cruiserweight Champion, he had a match with Vampiro at Starrcade 1999. That's right, this sh*tty, offensive gimmick not only got a pay-per-view match, but a match on STARRCADE! WCW's version of WrestleMania. Man, Russo must of really liked this gimmick. Let's just get into this.

This match came to be after Vampiro beat Dr. Death Steve Williams by DQ for hitting the referee Charles Robinson, with the stipulation that Vampiro would get to have a five minute match with Oklahoma if he won. That's such a lame reward, like if when John Cena beat Brock Lesnar, his reward was getting to wrestle Heath Slater. One thing about the match before it starts: the punk band The Misfits are at ringside for Vampiro. That's pretty cool.

So after an unnecessarily long period of trying to get him out of a cage where he was doing commentary (why was he in a cage? Who cares.) Oklahoma gets in the ring and hits a surprisingly good jumping DDT. Also, Oklahoma wears his little headset the entire time, so he's basically doing commentary for his match. That would be great if it wasn't the most dog sh*t character in wrestling doing it.

Oklahoma does a awful Garvin Stomp (still does it better than Randy Orton, though), but Vampiro gets up and slaps his chest, which Tony Schiavone calls a "Transylvania Slap" Get it, because his name is close to Vampire? Don't ever try to name a move again, Schiavone. Oklahoma rolls out of the ring, but the Misfits roll him right back in. Good guy Misfits: giving us clean, decisive finishes! Oklahoma knocks Vampiro down with a sloppy kick, and then punches him right in the dick in plain sight of the referee. That should be a DQ. WHAT ABOUT THE RULES! Vampiro hits Oklahoma with an Ura-nage, and the Misfits start beating up Oklahoma. THAT'S A DQ! WHAT THE F*CK! IS THIS THE SAME REF FROM WARRIOR-ANDRE ON SATURDAY NIGHT'S MAIN EVENT! I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID ABOUT THE MISFITS! AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE WHO GIVES A SH*T ABOUT THE RULES!

Vampiro and the Misfits beat up Oklahoma for a while before Vampiro hits Oklahoma with a Nail in the Coffin for the win in under three minutes.

The Verdict

Jesus, what was this? Did a crappy two and a half minute match really need a run in from the f*cking Misfits. All in all, it was a nothing match I'm going to forget about by tomorrow.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

1.  Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
2. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
3. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
4. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
5. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
6. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
7. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
8. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
9. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
10. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
11. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
12. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
13. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
14. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
15. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
16. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
17. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
18. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
19. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
20. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
21. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
22. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996 
23. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007

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