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Worst in the World: Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)

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Ultimate Warrior was one of those guys who if you put him in the ring with an experienced, talented veteran (Hogan, Savage, Rick Rude), he could have a good-to-great match. Andre the Giant is not one of those experienced talented veterans. In fact, Andre the Giant is probably the antithesis of an experienced, talented veteran. Even his match against Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania III, one of the most historic matches in history, is (in all honesty) a horrendous match that is only remembered for Hogan bodyslamming Andre. It's so bad that it's going to be showing up in this series eventually. But back to Andre and Warrior. When you put two high profile but awful wrestlers in the ring together, all you're really guaranteed is a long, bad match. And nowhere is this better shown in their match up from November 1989's edition of Saturday Night's Main Event. This match (for the Intercontinental Championship) curtain jerked a show where Macho Man's little brother got a WWF Championship match against Hulk Hogan, and Marty Jannetty main evented. I'm in for quite the treat.
Before the show starts, Warrior cuts a hilarious promo backstage that goes like this:
"ANDRE THE GIANT! YOU BETTER REMEMBER JACK AND THE BEANSTALK! FOR TONIGHT. I AM GOING TO CHOP! (emphatic chop) YOU! (emphatic chop) DOWN! (emphatic chop) TO! (emphatic chop) SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-(fades out)"-Ultimate Warrior (presumably on drugs)
A couple of things about this:
  1. Jack in Jack and the Beanstalk doesn't chop up the giant, he chops down the beanstalk. Unless Andre decides to wrestle on top of a beanstalk for this match, I think he's safe
  2. Warrior's chops were so emphatic you'd think he was getting ready for DX nine years ahead of time
  3. The fact that Warrior didn't even finish saying "size" (or "SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZE! (emphatic chop)) before it faded to Bobby Heenan is hilarious. I bet this promo actually goes on for like 5 more minutes, where he goes on about how Andre is one of the three little pigs, and he's the big bad wolf, and he's gonna BLOW!(emphatic chop) HIS! (emphatic chop) HOUSE! (emphatic chop) DOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWN!...(emphatic chop)
  4. This is how you make a promo about Jack and the Beanstalk entertaining. Take notes, Roman Reigns.
The match starts with Warrior circling Andre, going to the corner to pose, and getting blindsided by Andre. Ultimate Warrior is not very smart. So because neither one of them is any good at wrestling, the majority of the offense is sloppy, stunted strikes, and Andre leaning on things because (as I've stated before in this series) he is almost completely immobile. Andre chokes Warrior against the rope, which prompts the referee to give Andre the worst five count in history. "How can you improperly give a five count?", you might ask. Well, it's simple, just get to five and keep counting. Andre probably got about a seven or eight count on this.
Andre takes a clothesline, but doesn't want to bump or let go of the rope, so Warrior just stands there with his arm in Andre's face. Warrior starts choking Andre with his singlet strap because "babyface" and chokes him up against the ropes, which prompts the referee to give him a 17 COUNT! Is this even a referee? Is this just some drunk who stumbled into the ring with a referee's uniform on and they decided to let him be the ref? It's not like he's not counting the seconds, he's counting, but ignoring the rules. AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE WHO GIVES A SH*T ABOUT THE RULES!
 Anyway, Warrior misses a clothesline and falls to the outside. They do more horrible offense, Andre still won't even budge for Warrior's strikes, so a lot of this match is Warrior with his arm draped around Andre. Andre falls out of the ring as slow as humanly possible, and it goes to commercial break. If a Ultimate Warrior-Andre the Giant match is so long it has a commercial, then its gone on too long.
So Andre is STILL OUTSIDE OF THE RING when we get back. That's like two minutes whole minutes we've been gone. That's like 12 count outs in one. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS REF!? THIS IS NOT 'NAM, THIS IS WRESTLING, THERE ARE RULES! HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY! AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE WHO GIVES A SH*T ABOUT THE RULES! 
Andre chokes Warrior with the bottom rope, and gets back in the ring. Warrior puts Andre in a bear hug and starts hoping up and down like he's Honey Boo Boo after drinking her go-go juice...I'm so sorry for reminding you all of Honey Boo Boo. Andre doesn't even attempt to sell because he is awful. I know he's a legend, but he's awful. He is a truly awful professional wrestler. Andre gets out of the bearhug, falls into corner because he's immobile and gassed after five minutes (two of which were spent literally just standing on the outside). Warrior charges at him, and sells a move Andre didn't do.
Andre puts on his own bearhug, and goes to one knee because (like I said), he's completely gassed already. Warrior fights back, and clotheslines Andre into the ropes, which leads to...Andre getting his arms tied up in the ropes. F**K OFF! I don't want to rewrite my whole rant about this dumb spot, so here it is from the Jake Roberts-Andre the Giant entry in this series:
"Now, I know that getting caught in the ropes is very dangerous (just ask Mick Foley) and is very tricky to get out of. But Andre does this spot in literally EVERY SINGLE MATCH! He falls back into the ropes, gets his hands tied up between two, and it takes the referee a good minute or two to get him out. It is a spot that, by no means, can happen on accident or naturally. It's very obvious that Andre is intentionally pulling the second rope up to the first to tie himself up. It's a dumb spot that was used way too often."-Me
Warrior goes for a crossbody into the tied up Andre, but Andre gets his foot up to block it. That was actually a pretty nice spot. Bobby Heenan grabs the Intercontinental Championship and tries to hit Warrior with it, but misses and Warrior beats him up. Warrior throws Heenan into Andre, but Andre doesn't catch him and Heenan bounces off of him. The official ruling is a DQ win for Warrior, even though Heenan never actually hit Warrior, and Andre was the one who got hit by the non-competitor, but whatever, thank god this is over. 

The Verdict

I don't think you can even classify this as a wrestling match. There is zero psychology, minimal selling (almost entirely by Warrior), way too much stalling, and most importantly, no actual wrestling. It's just a bunch of sloppy punches, bearhugs, and chokes. This looks more like two guys who have had too many White Russians fighting over whether or not someone stepped over the line in bowling (Hey, I've been quoting it all post, might as well get one more Big Lebowski reference in here). This is almost the worst match I've seen in this series. Almost

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1.  Sting vs Vampiro-Great American Bash 2000
  2. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  3. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  4. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  5. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  6. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  7. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  8. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  9. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  10. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
  11. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  12. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  13. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
  14. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  15. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  16. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  17. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  18. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
  19. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996 
  20. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
Up next on the list is...
 Oh boy..this one's gonna be fun.
Thanks for reading.
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