Just to clarify, that is NOT Brian Adams the singer, but that would be really funny to see that guy get in the ring with...anyone. Nope, this Brian Adams is better known as Crush, aka the guy who replaced Ax in Demolition, and as Kona Crush, who had a feud with Doink the Clown because Doink was, to quote OSW Review, "MAKING KIDS CRY, BRAH". And to make this even better he is going up against STEVE MCMICHAEL, aka MONGO. If you don't know, Mongo was a former football player, and went to become one of the most hilariously bad wrestling commentators ever. Like, so bad. He eventually became a wrestler and a member of the Four Horsemen, despite not being a good wrestler. Mongo faced Brian Adams at Road Wild 1998. You remember Road Wild, right? The WCW pay-per-view at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally where they could bring in money at the gate. This is just a beautiful mess of bad idea after bad idea. But let's get to the actual match.
The two lock up, Mongo backs Adams into the corner, and breaks the hold before the five, which Mongo proudly yells "THAT'S HOW A GOOD GUY DOES IT!" Never change, Mongo, never change. The two lock up again and Adams gets Mongo in the corner. Instead of counting, the referee opts to squeeze in between the two:
So bizarre. Adams breaks the hold. Also, funny moment; Adam's was accompanied to the ring by Vincent (aka Virgil) and he was leaning on the ropes, so the referee gave him a little kick to get him off. I laughed.
Adams takes control with a kick, a punch, and a headbutt. He whips Mongo into the ropes, and this is where you start to question how this guy got into the wrestling business at all. He fails to duck a clothesline, so Adams has to aim about two feet over Mongo's head, and then stutters and hits the worst shoulder tackle in history. Mongo hits the worst & least impactful DDT ever, and Adams rolls out of the ring. The commentators bury Vincent by saying he can't provide any help for Adams because, essentially, he sucks. Adams gets back in, and Mongo takes control with punches. Mongo goes for a big boot, but Adams catches and slams him. Adams puts him in a shoulder claw, and clotheslines Mongo out of the ring. Vincent starts beating up Mongo, which he no sells, before Adams goes after him.
Adams hits a back breaker and holds Mongo over his knee like a submission for a while, but oddly drops him for a pin. Adams misses a knee drop from the middle rope (the most dangerous rope, of course), and Mongo runs wild. After flooring Mongo with a short armed clothesline (and by "floored" I mean he got hit, and fell about two seconds late), Adams goes for a piledriver, but Mongo's foot grazes the referee and now the referee is down. Like, Mongo's toes barely touch him, and he crumples down in a heap. Adams gives the ref a kick.
Vincent grabs a chair, but Mongo avoids the shot and Adams gets hit. Mongo punches the chair into Vincent, and hits a Mongo Spike for the win. The babyface wins, thanks to miscommunication and a ref bump, which basically does nothing but make him look like he needs to cheat to win.
The Verdict
Whatever, it was pretty boring match. Mongo botches a lot, he really should never have been in a wrestling ring, and the match was just slow and plodding.Rankings (Best to Worst)
- Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
- Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
- Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
- Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
- The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
- Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
- Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
- The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
- Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
- Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
- Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
- Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
- Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
- Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
- Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
- Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
- Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
- Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
- Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
- Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
- The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
- Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
- Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
- The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996
- James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
- John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
Oh boy, this one might break me. Can't I catch a break. If this match were a movie, it would be Point Break...
This is the one where Sid breaks his leg.
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