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Worst in the World: Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007

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Photo credit: thesportster.com
You know how wrestling commentators will usually say we've entered "Bizarro World" when the faces are getting booed and the heels are getting cheered. Well, this entire match is in Bizarro World. Not because the good guys are getting booed and the bad guys are getting cheered. Nope, it's because literally every single part of this match is completely, 100% backwards. I've never seen a story line so horribly executed you'd think this has to have come from the insane mind of Vince Russo. You why you'd think that? Because it did come from the insane mind of Vince Russo.
Let me just get this out of the way: This is one of, if not the, worst storylines in wrestling history, or at least in women's wrestling history. Seriously, I'd put this on par with Piggy James. The story is that Christy Hemme wanted to wrestle instead of just being a valet. At the time, TNA didn't have a women's division, so that meant she would have to fight with the men. This led to Kip James (Billy Gunn) calling her a slut (HOW DARE SHE WANT TO WRESTLE!) and it led to weeks of arguing about respect for women in wrestling. This led to Management Director Jim Cornette to booking Hemme to have her debut match at Against All Odds against a mystery opponent. 
You might be thinking to yourself "What's so bad about a woman wanting to wrestle men? What are you, some kind of wrestling misogynist? I bet you've never even had a girlfriend, loser!" Well, you hypothetical, judgmental reader, let me explain. I bet you read that description and thought "Wow, Billy Gunn is a jerk who doesn't think women are good enough to wrestle men". Well, that's not how TNA saw it, because in this feud, Christy Hemme is the heel. That's right, Christy Hemme, a woman who wants to be treated equally and is constantly being told to f**k off, simply because she's a woman, IS THE BAD GUY. This would be like if when Zach Gowen showed up and tried being a wrestler, and Michael Cole and Taz would just go "Wow, look at this one-legged geek, he should stay in his lane" on commentary. It makes no sense.
To top off this awful sundae of bad wrestling written brought to you by Vince Russo, this is a tuxedo match, which is like the bastard child of the evening gown match, which nobody actually likes so why does it even exist, and why does it have a spin-off match? And her opponent for the night is...a big fat oily guy. Not kidding, his name literally appears on the graphic as "Big Fat Oily Guy". They announce him as being from Stamford, Connecticut. Wow, I wonder if there's any significance behind that specific location? Oh, and he comes out to porn music.
First off, what's with the referee outfit?:
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Shorts on a referee just looks weird. The match starts with a slap from Hemme and she takes off BFO's coat. This happens seven seconds into the match. I know this is just a terrible gimmick match with a big fat oily guy, but...Psychology? What's that! Don West talks about how he wants BFO to win just because he doesn't want to see him half-naked. It's like they knew this was a terrible idea, but they did it anyway.
Hemme misses the worst Stinger splash in history and BFO gets her coat off. This happens 30 seconds in. At least this is going to be mercifully short. Hemme takes BFO down with a clothesline, and gets his shirt off, which the crowd viciously boos. Mike Tenay says that Hemme winning is a "good and bad thing". Again, it's like they knew this was a bad idea from the start. Tenay and West both treat Hemme like the face in this match, which is how it should have been. This is pretty humiliating for everyone involved. I don't like or hate anyone in this match. I just feel sorry for them.
Hemme goes for a monkey flip (I think), but BFO pushes her off, and gets her pants off. I never thought Christy Hemme taking her pants off would be so horrible. How does a company who's initials can stand for "tits and ass" manage to make a woman who looks like Christy Hemme taking her clothes off unwatchable? That takes some next level incompetence. Like seriously, how did this not get a "Fire Russo" chant?
Hemme goes for a sunset flip, but because the BFO probably has about 200 pounds on her, she can't flip him over, and sits down on her, with his crotch right in her face. Fun fact, this isn't the last time Christy Hemme gets some dude's junk in her face on TNA TV. Tenay and West react to this in the same fashion as Jim Ross when Mankind got thrown off the Hell in a Cell. West says it's "like bad porn" I couldn't have put it any better myself.
Hemme low blows BFO and pulls his pants off, and of course he's only wearing a thong because this company is evil. Literally, just the embodiment of pure evil. Satan came back in 2002, and instead of trying to rule the world or whatever Satan is supposed to do, possessed Jeff Jarrett, and created TNA. Shame on you Jeff Jarrett, I can't believe I shook your hand at a Global Force Wrestling show. Also, fun fact, Jeff Jarrett is left handed, which only confirms my new theory that Jeff Jarrett is the devil.
 So anyway, Hemme won. The cameraman continuously films BFO walking up the ramp, which makes Tenay plea for him to go to Hemme, and West yells "FIRE THAT CAMERAMAN". They are literally the best part of this match. They're like the voice of the voiceless. They are the CM Punk of commentary.
Hemme cuts a promo, she says nothing important, and out comes Kip James with a DYED RED RAT TAIL.

YouTube.com
 That is horrifying. I'd rather see the Big Fat Oily Guy again...not really, though. He cuts a promo sarcastically congratulating her on beating a big fat oily guy, and then rips off Hemme's shirt. Man, what a face! Hemme leaves, and that's it.

The Verdict

This is by far the most unpleasant wrestling match I've ever seen. I'd put it with Vince vs Stephanie's I Quit match in terms of how uncomfortable it is to watch. But as for the actual match...it's better than expected. Hemme is not a bad wrestler, and for an untrained guy, BFO worked fairly decently. And the commentary, despite it doing nothing but sh*t on the match, is pretty funny. This is still awful though.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  2. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  3. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  4. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  5. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  6. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  7. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  8. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  9. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  10. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  11. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  12. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  13. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  14. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  15. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996 
  16. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
  Well, I need to go bleach my eyes after seeing the Big Fat Oily Guy in a thong. But first, let's see what's next on the list...

Oh Jake...no
Thanks for reading.
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