(Note: This review is written in real time while RAW is happening)
- The show kicks off with a Dean Ambrose promo. He says he's in for the fight of his life, and that sometimes you have to fight dirty when you need to. Ambrose calls out Brock Lesnar, only to get Stephanie McMahon. That's like calling out Stone Cold but getting Scotty 2 Hotty. Stephanie rips Ambrose for not being able to fight Lesnar on his own (she's right), and Ambrose says he just wants to fight. Stephanie says Ambrose is going to get a F-5 tonight...as in a Fatal 5-Way for the Intercontinental Championship. Ehh...it doesn't have ring as Fatal 4-Way. Also, if Reigns interferes, Ambrose is disqualified and out of the match at Fastlane, because Ambrose only matters if Roman Reigns is involved
- Dean Ambrose vs Kevin Owens vs Stardust vs Tyler Breeze vs Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Championship: Jesus, couldn't they have picked better people? I mean, I love Breeze and Stardust, but they don't win...ever. And why would Stephanie pick such bad wrestler to beat up a guy she hates? Send out like Big Show, Bray Wyatt, Braun Strowman, or somebody Titus O'Neil couldn't beat. Oops, probably shouldn't be talking about Titus O'Neil. Also, why would she add noted anti-Authority wrestler Dolph Ziggler to the mix. It just doesn't make sense. The match starts with Ziggler and Owens (see, they're fighting again) brawling outside the ring, while Stardust and Breeze beat up Ambrose. Ambrose tosses Breeze and beats up Stardust, hitting a missile dropkick before getting taken down by Owens. The two brawl before Ambrose throws Owens out of the ring, only to get drop kicked by Ziggler. The problem with this match is that it's all just two guys fighting, and everyone just takes turns in the ring. Owens powerbombs Breeze out of the ring, which is a great spot, but it's sad to see that Breeze has been reduced to a projectile. Ambrose hits a suicide dive onto Breeze, Ziggler, and Stardust, and a top rope elbow drop to Owens for a pin, which Stardust breaks up as it goes to commercial. Ambrose and Stardust are in the ring when we get back while the other three just lay out at ringside. Ziggler sneaks in and gets a top rope facebuster, but gets tossed out by Breeze. Owens hits a cannonball on Ambrose, Stardust, and Ziggler, but gets caught with a Supermodel Kick and Beauty Shot for a pin broken up by the other three. Ambrose runs wild, and goes for Dirty Deeds on Stardust, but Ziggler hits him with a Zig Zag. Breeze throws Ziggler out of the ring, but gets caught with a Pop Up Powerbomb by Owens for the win and the Intercontinental Championship. Overall, the match picked up at the end, but it still suffered from the usual multi-man match problem of people just lying around and letting two guys wrestle themselves.
- Brie Bella has an "exclusive interview" coming up. Please no.
- Ambrose is walking backstage when he gets interviewed by Renee Young. He says the Authority has given him motivation to win at Fastlane and then beat Triple H at WrestleMania. Owens shows up and tells Renee to tell everyone he was right. Ziggler shows up and congratulates him on a job "done". Owens tells him to leave, but Ziggler challenges him to a match at Fastlane, since he's beaten him twice before. That actually makes sense, but I REALLY DON'T want to see these two fight ever again. Owens says no.
- THE NEW DAY! They show the New Day-Edge & Christian segment from September again to segue into announcing a Cutting Edge Peep Show at Fastlane with the New Day as guests. The New Day calls Edge & Christian "booty" and make fun of them for "bring a kazoo to a trombone fight". They explain to Big E what a recorder is, and Big E says what Edge & Christian did was the worst thing to happen to music since Coldplay performed at the Super Bowl, but Kofi & Xavier stop him from saying "Super Bowl" for "copyright infringement". They also rip Mark Henry for walking out on them last week, and call him the "World's Largest Booty Hole". Never change, New Day. Never change. Mark Henry comes out to face Big E
- Big E vs Mark Henry: The two do some slow, plodding offense before Henry hits a crawling headbutt and Big E goes out of the ring. Big E drives Henry into the barricade and yells "I'M YOUR DADDY NOW!" Big E delivers a big splash for a two, which looks incredible because of how much height Big E can get. He hits it again for another two. Henry reverses a abdominal stretch with a hip toss, runs wild, takes out Kofi & Xavier, and hits a big boot on Big E. In an odd finish, Big E gets Henry up for a Big Ending, but Henry slides out of it, but then just falls out of nowhere, and Big E covers him for the three. Pretty bad match, slow and boring with a presumably botched ending.
- Brie Bella comes out for her interview, ear-grating entrance theme and all. They show Daniel Bryan's retirement speech one last because this company wants to make you cry. Byron Saxton immediately asks her about Bryan, which Brie answers, but Charlotte interrupts. Charlotte says Daniel Bryan was in a league of his own, which Brie corrects her and says he is in a league of his own. I'm pretty sure Charlotte's right, though, he doesn't wrestle anymore, so I think he was in a league of his own. Charlotte says Brie should forfeit to be with Bryan, and this is just awful. I've almost completely tuned out at this point because this is just garbage. Charlotte tells Brie to open a bed and breakfast with Bryan, like, what the actual f*ck is she talking about. She says Bryan and Nikki need her, and Brie responds by saying Charlotte is scared of her. Brie says she stands there in discuss (not a typo, that's what she said). Charlotte makes a knock about Brie's non-existing kids, and Brie slaps her and the brawl. This is what every Brie Bella storyline is going to be like for the next year, isn't it? Using her much more talented family members to garner interest in her. This was ass. Just pure ass.
- AJ Styles vs The Miz: Chris Jericho is on commentary, explaining that he is trying to show Styles he "isn't the biggest fish in the pond. Man, it is still just so insane to see AJ Styles in WWE. Miz attacks Styles before the match,and Miz gets the heat at the beginning. Styles starts running wild, before Miz throws him out of the ring and hits a dropkick through the ropes. Miz starts talking to Jericho and gets caught with a flying forearm by Styles before the commercial. Miz hits Styles with a top rope double axe-handle after the show comes back. Styles runs wild again and hits a pump-handle gut-buster for a two. Jericho says he's"not sure if he likes Styles" because of his "ego" and that he calls him self "phenomenal". Miz goes for a Skull Crushing Finale, but Styles rolls through and goes for roll ups a few times. Styles hits a springboard forearm for another two, and gets hit with a Skull Crushing Finale but kicks out at two. Styles rolls Miz up and locks in the Calf Crusher for the submission win. Solid match, but nothing spectacular. Jericho takes the mic, but Styles interrupts him, challenging him to a rubber match at Fastlane. Jericho says he'll think about it, and tell him on Smackdown. Well that was...anti-climactic.
- The Dudleyz come out for a promo. They tease bring out a table, they don't, and then call out the Usos. They then joke that they can't come out, show the replay from last week of them beating up The Usos. D-Von says that the fans thought they were just going to be a nostalgia act, and that they are the baddest tag team on the planet. Bubba Ray also says that they are done using tables. They say they will be remembered for their 9 Tag Team Championship reigns, and not tables, and "WE WANT TABLES" chants are "falling on deaf ears".
- Paige vs Summer Rae: Summer gets a lot offense at the beginning, but Paige takes over for while before a spinning heel kick by Summer. Paige goes to set up the PTO, but Summer rolls her up for a win. Short match, not much happened. Pretty surprising seeing Summer win, not just over Paige, but in general.
- Paul Heyman cuts a promo, talks about Fastlane, and then Roman Reigns interrupts. Jesus, the contrast in mic skills between Heyman and Reigns is ridiculous. Heyman says he can either keep the promise to his daughter and win, or protect Dean Ambrose. Reigns says he's going to win at Fastlane and at WrestleMania. Heyman leaves, and the Dudleyz attack Reigns. Out comes Ambrose to make the save, and they clean house. The two fist bump, but Ambrose tries to sneak a Dirty Deeds. They laugh it off.
- They announce WWE is going to award someone the "Vincent J. McMahon Legacy of Excellence Award"...what ever that is.
- Zack Ryder vs Heath Slater: ZACK RYDER MADE IT ONTO RAW! IT'S A MIRACLE. The two lock up, before Slater leaves the ring to take a victory lap with the other Social Outcasts. Ryder gets the advantage (which is a once in a lifetime thing) and hits a Broski Boot for a two. Ryder hits a tope on Slater, Rose, and Axel, rolls Slater back in the ring, but Dallas distracts him. Slater gets a Crescent kick and hits an implant DDT for the win. Nothing match, Outcasts were pretty entertaining. Move on.
- R-Truth is on a date with his wife, and Goldust shows up as the waiter. He brings Truth champagne. Goldust accidentally sprays the champagne on Truth's wife and runs off. These segments are getting less funny as they go on.
- They announce Kevin Owens will defended the Intercontinental Championship against Dolph Ziggler at Fastlane, making that backstage segment earlier pretty pointless.
- The Lucha Dragons & Neville vs Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, and Rusev: They announce Kalisto vs Del Rio for the United States Championship is on the pre-show. Kalisto and Rusev start. The two exchange blows, before Sin Cara hits a tope and Kalisto & Neville hit moonsaults onto the League of Nations as it goes to commercial. Rusev has control on Kalisto when we get back. Kalisto gets thrown to the outside, and tossed into the barricade by Del Rio. The trio over Kalisto for a while. Kalisto makes the tag to Sin Cara and runs wild on Del Rio. He hits a springboard moonsault for a pin that gets broken up. Sin Cara hits a suicide dive on Del Rio, but gets distracted by Barrett and caught up in the ropes after an enziguri by Del Rio. Del Rio hits his double stomp for the win. Decent match, nothing special.
- They show a video from before RAW of Tamina & Naomi attacking Becky. It wasn't really that important.
- The League of Nations celebrate backstage. Renee Young interviews Del Rio, who says Kalisto's win was a fluke. He says he wants their rematch to be 2-out-of-3 Falls.
- Becky Lynch vs Naomi: The two start off with punches before Becky hits a suplex right off the bat. Naomi delivers a series of kicks before hitting an enziguri. Becky locks in a Dis-arm-her for the win. Short, but decent match. Post match, Tamina & Naomi beat up Becky, but Sasha runs down to make the save. Except she waits until Tamina & Naomi are done before she gets in the ring. Becky seems fine with Sasha being a dick.
- Braun Strowman vs Big Show: The Wyatts cut pre-match promos. They don't really say anything important. Bray goes on a rant about Twitter followers or something. This is supposed to be scary, I think. Strowman says "Wake up, or run". Big Show comes out, and the match starts. This must be like Vince McMahon's wet dream: Two giant dudes wrestling eachother. Strowman takes control early. It goes back and forth before Strowman knocks Big Show off his feet. Show reverses a suplex for a suplex of his own, and the other Wyatts cause a DQ. The Wyatt beatdown Big Show, but Ryback makes the save, but he gets beaten down too. Out comes Kane, who comes through the ring, and helps beat down the Wyatts. The match was nothing but a storyline.
Thanks for reading. Be sure to share if you enjoyed.
Comments
Post a Comment