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Worst in the World: Boris Zhukov vs Paul Samson- UWF Beach Brawl

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Well...
I certainly missed the ball on this one. The UWF...that's it, just...the UWF. Back in 1990, plus-sized clothing store chain owner Herb Abrams founded the Universal Wrestling Federation, a name he was able to use thanks to Bill Watts failing to register it with the United States Copyright Office, in an attempt to compete with the WWF. Populated with a roster featuring stars of the 80s like Paul Orndorff, Don Muraco, Bob Orton Jr., and Ken Patera, homegrown talent like Louie Spicolli, and even a pre-WCW Cactus Jack, the UWF began airing Fury Hour on SportsChannel America. It was terrible. The shows hardly featured top talent facing each other, instead seeing established names taking on jobbers like Scott Cole or Davey Meltzer. Yes...Davey Meltzer. Subtlety at it's finest. On the rare chance the show featured big names facing off, it was even rarer to see a decisive finish, usually seeing a DQ or a double count-out. Because what else were they gonna do, have Bruno Sammartino's lousy son David lose to Cactus Jack clean? That would just be silly. 
The shows were panned by wrestling fans, with the UWF taking home Worst Promotion, Fury Hour taking home Worst Television Show, and Herb Abrams himself winning Worst Television Announcer and Most Obnoxious from the Wrestling Observer Newsletter Awards over two years. The UWF lasted until 1996 (even though they only ran two shows since 1992) when Abrams passed away from a cocaine-induced heart attack while in police custody, infamously being arrested in his Manhattan office while naked, covered in baby oil, destroying furniture and chasing prostitutes with a baseball bat. What a way to go. The UWF would only run one pay-per-view, Beach Brawl, in 1991. The show was a disaster, posting an attendance of 550 (the venue, the Manatee Civic Center in Palmetto, Florida, has 4,000 seats) and a buyrate of 0.10. Among the matches on the card was a dark match pitting former WWF wrestler Boris Zhukov (last seen in the series facing Jerry Blackwell at SuperClash II) taking on Paul Samson, an enhancement talent who wrestled twice in the WWF, and earned a minus three-star rating from Davey Meltzer's namesake. Let's get into this.
Before the match starts, the ring announcer welcomes the crowd to the Beach Brawl. Silence from the crowd. Zhukov comes out with manager Mr. Red and steals his former tag partner Nikolai Volkoff's gimmick and sings the Russian National Anthem. The crowd meekly chants "USA" causing Mr. Red to freak the f*ck out. The match starts with commentator Bruno Sammartino calling Samson "Paul Simon", which he does throughout the match. Samson avoids the lock-up two times before dodging a strike and rolling up Zhukov, who doesn't kick out, Samson just kind of...stops pinning him.
Uhhh...OK. Samson follows up with a crossbody and a body slam for a near fall each. Zhukov rolls out of the ring and talks with Red.
Back in the ring, Zhukov & Samson trade wristlocks, with Samson getting the better of the exchange. Zhukov fights back with a hair pull and takes control with an armbar of sorts. Samson forces Zhukov into the corner, but Zhukov fights out. Zhukov throws Samson across the ring and charges at him, but Samson dodges and sends Zhukov into the ring post. Samson continues to work over the arm until Zhukov fights out and takes control, headbutting Samson and sending him out of the ring. Zhukov throws Samson back in the ring, where Samson fights back and floors Zhukov with a back elbow followed by a clothesline for a near fall. Samson follows up with a super safe suplex for a near fall but gets caught with an elbow to the back of the head followed by a Russian Sickle from Zhukov for the three and the win.

The Verdict

The match is pretty boring. Not much happens and it goes on for way too long. And when stuff does happen, it pretty much goes against what the match is supposed to accomplish. Obviously, this is supposed to be an easy win to get Zhukov more over with the crowd. However, I'd argue that Samson, the jobber, looks a lot better than Zhukov does. He might not do many moves, but he hangs with the established guy and even showcases more of his offense than Zhukov does. It's like this match was backwards. That being said, I can't put this too far down the list. I'd even argue that minus three stars is a bit harsh. It's not good or worth watching for any reason, but I've seen plenty worse than this.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1. Rick Rude vs Jake Roberts-WrestleMania IV
  2. Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
  3. Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt-WrestleMania 33
  4. Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
  5. T&A vs Head Cheese-WrestleMania 2000
  6. Triple H vs Sgt. Slaughter-D-Generation X: In Your House
  7. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  8. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  9. Rick Rude vs Hawk-Clash of the Champions XXV
  10. Shelton Benjamin vs Viscera-New Year's Revolution 2006
  11. Steve McMichael vs Reggie White-Slamboree 1997
  12. The Tag Team Fatal 4-Way Match-WrestleMania 13
  13. Tag Team Battle Royal-WrestleMania XIV
  14. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  15. The Natural Disasters vs Money Inc.-WrestleMania VIII
  16. Ivan Koloff vs Paul Jones-Clash of the Champions IV
  17. ODB, Taylor Wilde, and Roxxi vs The Kongtourage-Genesis 2009
  18. Ivory vs Tori-SummerSlam 1999
  19. The Reverse Battle Royal-Impact! (10/26/2006)
  20. Jerry Blackwell vs Boris Zhukov-SuperClash II
  21. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  22. Alex Wright vs Steve McMichael-Halloween Havoc 1997
  23. The Great Khali vs Kane-WrestleMania 23
  24. Savio Vega vs Crush vs Faarooq-Ground Zero: In Your House
  25. The Shockmaster vs Awesome/King Kong-Starrcade 1993
  26. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  27. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  28. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  29. Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long-Capital Combat
  30. Dusty Rhodes vs Big Boss Man-Saturday Night's Main Event (10/31/1989)
  31. Tyson Tomko vs Stevie Richards-Unforgiven 2004
  32. Kane vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2009
  33. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  34. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Souled Out 1997
  35. Dustin Rhodes & King Kong vs Awesome Kong & The Equalizer-Battlebowl
  36. Finlay & Little Bastard vs The Boogeyman & Little Boogeyman-No Way Out 2007
  37. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
  38. Yokozuna vs King Mabel-In Your House 4
  39. Dusty Rhodes vs The Honky Tonk Man-SummerSlam 1989
  40. Sting & Hawk vs Meng & Kurasawa-Clash of the Champions XXXI
  41. Hulk Hogan vs Randy Savage-Uncensored 1998
  42. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  43. Mickie James vs Ashley-Royal Rumble 2006
  44. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  45. Stevie Ray vs Konnan-World War 3 1998
  46. Vampiro vs The KISS Demon-Bash at the Beach 2000
  47. Team WCW vs nWo Wolfpac vs nWo Hollywood-Fall Brawl 1998
  48. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
  49. Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania III
  50. Van Hammer vs Terrance Taylor-Clash of the Champions XVI
  51. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
  52. The Undertaker vs Goldberg-Super ShowDown 2019
  53. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
  54. Jim Duggan vs Big Boss Man-Royal Rumble 1990
  55. Meng vs Jim Duggan-Uncensored 1995
  56. Jim Steele vs The Equalizer-SuperBrawl IV
  57. Sting vs Tony Palmore-Battle 7
  58. D-Generation X vs Brothers of Destruction-Crown Jewel
  59. Wendi Richter vs Leilani Kai-WrestleMania
  60. Edge vs Triple H vs Vladimir Kozlov-Survivor Series 2008
  61. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  62. Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
  63. Scott Hall vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl IX
  64. Boris Zhukov vs Paul Samson-Beach Brawl
  65. Kane vs The Great Khali-Breaking Point
  66. PN News & Bobby Eaton vs Steve Austin & Terrance Taylor-Great American Bash 1991
  67. Scott Steiner vs Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Road Warrior Animal-Sin
  68. Hollywood Hogan vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl 1997
  69. Batista vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2007
  70.  Sable vs Tori-WrestleMania XV
  71. Super Invader vs Todd Champion-WrestleWar 1992
  72. King Kong Bundy & Jim Neidhart vs Yokozuna & Jake Roberts-Heroes of Wrestling
  73. Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII
  74. The 8-Divas Tag Match-Survivor Series 1999
  75. The Fabulous Freebirds vs The Renegade Warriors-Halloween Havoc 1990
  76. The Knockouts Gauntlet-One Night Only: Live! 2016
  77. AJ Styles vs Frank Trigg-No Surrender 2008
  78. Rick Rude vs Masahiro Chono-Halloween Havoc 1992
  79. Mike Awesome vs Vampiro-Halloween Havoc 2000
  80. Bray Wyatt vs John Cena-Extreme Rules 2014
  81. Brothers of Destruction vs KroniK-Unforgiven 2001
  82. Mabel vs The Undertaker-King of the Ring 1995
  83. Wendi Richter vs The Fabulous Moolah-The Brawl to End it All
  84. David Flair vs Kimberly Page-Mayhem 1999
  85. The Truth Commission vs The Disciples of Apocolypse-Survivor Series 1997
  86. The Bushwhacker vs The Fabulous Rougeaus-WrestleMania V
  87. The Beverly Brothers vs The Bushwhackers-Royal Rumble 1992
  88. Teddy Long vs Eric Bischoff-Survivor Series 2005
  89. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  90. Abdullah the Butcher vs One Man Gang-Heroes of Wrestling
  91. Major Gunns vs Miss Hancock-New Blood Rising
  92. Bradshaw & Trish Stratus vs Christopher Nowinski & Jackie Gayda-RAW (7/8/2002)
  93. Triple H vs Scott Steiner-Royal Rumble 2003
  94. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  95. Mr. T vs Roddy Piper-WrestleMania 2
  96. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  97. The Blacktop Bully vs Dustin Rhodes-Uncensored 1995
  98. Team Dos Caras vs Team El Canek-Leyendas Mexicanas 2017
  99. Pat Patterson vs Gerald Brisco-King of the Ring 2000
  100. The Four Doinks vs Team Bigelow-Survivor Series 1993
  101. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
  102. Oz vs Tim Parker-SuperBrawl
  103. The Mighty Maccabee vs The Iron Sheik-Maccabiah Mania II: Shekel Slam
  104. Van Hammer vs Doug Somers-Halloween Havoc 1991
  105. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
  106. Jeff Jarrett vs Sting-Halloween Havoc 2000
  107. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996
  108. Kane vs The Undertaker-Judgement Day 1998
  109. Rebel vs Shelly Martinez-One Night Only: Knockouts Knockdown
  110. Kaitlyn vs Maxine-NXT (10/19/2010)
  111. Sabu vs The Sandman-November to Remember 1997
  112. Seth Rollins vs "The Fiend" Bray Wyatt-Hell in a Cell 2019
  113. Michael Cole vs Jerry Lawler-WrestleMania XXVII
  114. The Bushwhackers vs Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-Heroes of Wrestling
  115. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
  116. John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
  117. Ultimate Warrior vs Goldust-In Your House 7
  118. Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus-Triplemania XXIII
  119. Jenna Morasca vs Sharmell-Victory Road 2009
Thanks for reading. Be sure to share if you enjoyed and leave any suggestions for matches you'd like to see covered on the Worst in the World in the comments below. Next week, I take a look at a WrestleMania match that completely fell apart before the show even started. Until next time...
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