Welcome back to another edition of RAW vs Nitro. Click here to read the last one if you missed it. Now, after 51 of these, I've kind of soured on the way I've written these, so this time I'm going to try something new. So with that out of the way, let's get into it, this is RAW vs Nitro #52.
RAW
RAW opens up this week with a video package hyping up tonight's main event of Stone Cold Steve Austin & Shawn Michaels, showcasing Austin's ruthlessness and Michaels recent challenges as WWF Champion. Austin ends the video by saying he's going to whip Michaels' ass before we get the RAW intro.
Vader with Jim Cornette vs Phinneas Godwinn with Hillbilly Jim
As a warm-up for his #1 contender's match at In Your House: Buried Alive against Sycho Sid, Vader takes on one half of the Godwinns in Phineas I. Godwinn. Before the match starts we get a shot of fan who is definitely not a plant with a sign that he was definitely not paid to hold up.
Vader doesn't even wait for Godwinn's music to stop playing before beating him down in the corner. As Vader pummels the future Mideon, heel Jim Ross (which is still strange to hear) rails on Vince McMahon for replacing him on commentary next week and for being an ego-maniac and even makes the rare on-screen mention of Kevin Dunn. Vader continues to steamroll Godwinn until Sycho Sid makes an appearance, calling Vader "fat boy" before yelling "I'M FROM ARKANSAS TOO!" Vader is not from Arkansas. He is not billed from Arkansas. This show was not in Arkansas. I don't know why Sid said this. It might just be easier not to think too much about the stuff Sid says. This distraction allows Godwinn to hit a clothesline and a belly-to-back suplex. His job done, Sid leaves. Vader manages to block a Slop Drop from Godwinn by holding the ropes and gets the win following a Vader Bomb. This match was pretty bland and slow, with Sid's ramblings being the only thing of any real note.
Jim Ross steps into the ring to interview Mr. Perfect about his match next week against Hunter Hearst Helmsley. In true form, Mr. Perfect says some variation of the word "perfect" three times in the first sentence he says. He says he's perfect and the greatest wrestler the WWF has ever seen, and that he'll prove it next week against Helmsley.
Before we move on to the next match on the show, we get an ad for some hideous denim shirts with wrestlers on the back. That is all.
Jerry Lawler vs Jake Roberts
So, even though this is a taped show, we come back from commercial to Jerry Lawler mid-promo. Not that we're missing anything, judging by the fact that Lawler just runs through all his material about Jake Roberts being a drunk. Roberts comes out, his snake in a bag in one hand and a bottle in a brown bag in another. Roberts slumps his way down to the ring. This prompts Gorilla Monsoon to head down to the ring to stop Roberts from wrestling...BUT IT'S A RUSE! Roberts is faking it to get one up on Lawler after months of poor taste writing jokes from the King. Lawler continues to mock Roberts until Roberts plants him with an immediate DDT in under 30 seconds. I guess it's nice to see Roberts finally get some revenge on Lawler, but this whole feud was just completely distasteful and hard to watch, especially knowing that Roberts would fall back into his addiction in real life. It's also a shame that Vince McMahon wouldn't learn his lesson whatsoever, as you'll see when I get to the 1999 episodes of RAW. Roberts decides to get some further revenge pouring some bourbon on Lawler and wrapping him in his pet snake Revelations.
The Real Double J explains what happened at In Your House 2 in a video package. When he accidentally tripped Jeff Jarrett and cost him the Intercontinental Championship, Jarrett gave him an ultimatum; stay in the WWF alone or leave with him. Double J says that Jarrett promised him the world and to get him out of dive bars and into the big cities. As it turns out, Jarrett was only using Double J to so he could pretend to sing for him. He says Jarrett's promises were empty and he left him unemployed. We then see he is re-recording "With My Baby Tonight", which includes a cameo from longtime WWF-composer Jim Johnston.
Damn, first Kevin Dunn, now Johnston. All the backstage guys are getting named tonight. The voiceover says that Double J is in talks for a duet with a major country music star (yeah, right) and next week, he talks about his experience in Desert Storm.
The Real Double J explains what happened at In Your House 2 in a video package. When he accidentally tripped Jeff Jarrett and cost him the Intercontinental Championship, Jarrett gave him an ultimatum; stay in the WWF alone or leave with him. Double J says that Jarrett promised him the world and to get him out of dive bars and into the big cities. As it turns out, Jarrett was only using Double J to so he could pretend to sing for him. He says Jarrett's promises were empty and he left him unemployed. We then see he is re-recording "With My Baby Tonight", which includes a cameo from longtime WWF-composer Jim Johnston.
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Freddie Joe Floyd
Since Mr. Perfect keeps showing up during his matches and (for lack of a better term) stealing his women from ringside. To counter that, Helmsley does the only logical thing he can do...handcuff her to the turnbuckle.
That's extreme...and weird...but she seems cool with it so whatever.
Despite a brief flurry of offense early on, Floyd gets dominated by Helmsley. There's not much to talk about outside of that, so Jim Ross & Kevin Kelly decide to talk about Kelly's future with the WWF, with Ross telling him to save his money and that he'll be doing voiceover work in third world countries. Helmsley continues to control the match before Mr. Perfect comes down to ringside. He talks to Helmsley's valet and reveals he has a key to her handcuffs. Perfect frees Helmsley's lady friend and walks her to the back as Floyd gains some momentum. That is immediately cut off with a Pedigree. As soon as J.R. calls it a devastating maneuver, Freddie Joe Floyd KICKS OUT OF THE PEDIGREE. Yes, you read that correctly. I have no idea why he did that. I don't know if Floyd just went into business for himself or they were trying to play it off like Helmsley was distracted by Mr. Perfect, but we very clearly just saw Tracy Smothers no sell the Pedigree in a way only the Ultimate Warrior could top. Helmsley bails on the match to chase after Perfect, only to eat a straight right and get counted out.
No time for Floyd to celebrate his win as we go right to a backstage promo from Stone Cold Steve Austin. Austin says that since Bret Hart won't face him he'll take on Shawn Michaels and whoop the ass of the man who whooped Hart's ass. Following that, Sunny comes down to the ring and introduces the "newest, hottest, sexiest thing" in the WWF today...herself! This is complete with a giant banner of herself.
Jim Ross says she makes Pamela Anderson look like a Harvard graduate. That's...oddly mean for a heel to say about another heel. In fact, Jim Ross is having none of this, blasting it for not having anything to do with wrestling or athletics.
Out to the graveyard where Mankind and Paul Bearer are finished digging a grave for the Undertaker. Wait until they find out there's already a grave for the match and this was completely pointless. Also, it's raining, so the audio for this is complete sh*t. Mankind says he has found solitude knowing he won't be buried in this grave, but the Undertaker will. He says he has ambitions of the Undertaker trying to clawing at his grave, looking for mercy, and gasping for breath, but finding only cold soil. He ends by saying that his image becomes a reality that Sunday and Bearer says this isn't his or Mankind's fault, but it's the creatures of the night's fault and they will all rest in peace. I thought this promo was fantastic by Mankind, but the sound of rain constantly throughout it is super annoying.
We then get an ad with the McMichaels promoting official WCW Monday Nitro DENIM SHIRTS!
WHAT THE F*CK! WHY IS THERE MORE THAN ONE WRESTLING COMPANY SELLING DENIM SHIRTS? WAS THIS A TREND I NEVER KNEW ABOUT? IF I PUT ON AN ECW SHOW IS NEW JACK GONNA TRY TO SELL ME DENIM SHIRTS TOO? Anyway, Debra says you can never have too many Monday Nitro denim shirts. Having one of them is too many.
Backstage, the nWo shows up in two limos...that is all
RAW: 20
Nitro: 32
That's it for this edition of RAW vs Nitro. If you liked what you read, feel free to share this around and as always, stay tuned for the next one.
No time for Floyd to celebrate his win as we go right to a backstage promo from Stone Cold Steve Austin. Austin says that since Bret Hart won't face him he'll take on Shawn Michaels and whoop the ass of the man who whooped Hart's ass. Following that, Sunny comes down to the ring and introduces the "newest, hottest, sexiest thing" in the WWF today...herself! This is complete with a giant banner of herself.
Out to the graveyard where Mankind and Paul Bearer are finished digging a grave for the Undertaker. Wait until they find out there's already a grave for the match and this was completely pointless. Also, it's raining, so the audio for this is complete sh*t. Mankind says he has found solitude knowing he won't be buried in this grave, but the Undertaker will. He says he has ambitions of the Undertaker trying to clawing at his grave, looking for mercy, and gasping for breath, but finding only cold soil. He ends by saying that his image becomes a reality that Sunday and Bearer says this isn't his or Mankind's fault, but it's the creatures of the night's fault and they will all rest in peace. I thought this promo was fantastic by Mankind, but the sound of rain constantly throughout it is super annoying.
Faarooq vs Alex Porteau
Sunny is not in Faarooq's corner for this match. Instead, she's on commentary, getting real close with Kevin Kelly. That is until she asks if he makes a lot of money, losing all interest when he says he "does OK." It's great, and so is Sunny. I'll never understand what Vince McMahon saw in Sable over her. Sunny confirms before this match starts that the reason she's not in Faarooq's corner is that they've had an "amicable split." Jim Ross puts over Faarooq by saying he's got a great shot at taking the Intercontinental Championship off of Marc Mero...he then sh*ts on his helmet...rightfully so. All the while, Faarooq squashes "the Pug" before hitting the Dominator, which Kevin Kelly calls the Tiger Bite. I don't think that catches on. Following his win, we throwback to clip from Livewire where Faarooq calls into a segment with Ahmed Johnson, who is sporting one hell of a jacket.
The two put eachother over and talk about how similar their upbringings were, both being raised in the streets. However, they both just want to beat the piss out of eachother. At one point, Faarooq even brings up how people have asked him how he could do that to another black man, saying that it doesn't matter what color his opponent is, he's going to run through him. Johnson says Faarooq embarrassed him and he can't let that happen and offers to come to him and fight him, even with his kidney issues. Faarooq brushes that off, prompting Johnson to end the confrontation. I got to say, this was pretty enjoyable. Both of them did a great job of making you feel like this they really wanted to fight eachother.
Before the main event, the Undertaker cuts a promo on Mankind by a grave. He says that since Mankind has slipped away from him at every turn and he has no choice. He says he must destroy Mankind, even if it means destroying himself in the process. He tells Mankind to imagine being buried alive, what the last bit of air will feel like, what it will be like to try to crawl out of a bottomless pit, and what it will be like to never rest in peace. He shovels some dirt onto the camera in the grave, saying it's the last thing he will ever see.
Steve Austin vs Shawn Michaels with Jose Lothario
In the only non-squash match of the night, the WWF Champion Shawn Michaels faces Stone Cold Steve Austin. Sounds great...too bad about half of the match shares TV time with backstage and picture-in-picture promos. Just as the match starts, Jim Cornette and Vader cut a promo on Shawn Michaels. Cornette says Sycho Sid is unlucky for being put in Vader's way and after he beats him on Sunday, he'll take the WWF Championship away from Michaels. Later in the match, Sycho Sid cuts a promo on Vader. Sid laughs uncontrollably at Cornette's comments cutting a typical crazy Sid promo. He says he'll bury Vader alive before saying something unintelligible. When asked what will happen if he wins and faces Shawn Michaels, Sid "apologizes" to Michaels because he'll have to face the Master and the Ruler of the World. Just as the match finally gets our full attention, Vader shows up as Michaels is beating down on Austin in the corner. Michaels hits a crossbody on Vader, which causes a DQ for some reason, before Austin and Vader double team him. In what might be the saddest run-in of all time, Savio Vega runs down to even the odds and instantly takes a Stone Cold Stunner. This must be where Jessamyn Duke and Marina Shafir learned how to do run-ins. Sid ends up running down to actually even the odds, prompting Vader to instantly dip out of the ring. This brings out Fake Razor and Fake Diesel...for some reason. Back in the ring, Austin throws Michaels into Sid when his back is turned. Michaels and Sid go face to face before Austin and Vader restart the brawl. Razor and Diesel both leave after doing nothing, Sid and Michaels send Austin & Vader packing as Savio Vega stands on the ring apron, having provided zero help whatsoever.
That's it for RAW, onto Nitro.
Nitro
Dean Malenko vs Brad Armstrong
After a brief rundown of last week's happenings from Tony Schiavone and Larry Zbyszko, Nitro kicks off with Dean Malenko taking on Brad Armstrong in a rematch from WCW Saturday Night. Armstrong scored a close win after getting his countering Malenko's bridge off a roll up and getting the pin. As expected between two guys as good as Malenko and Armstrong, this match is pretty great. Brad Armstrong is probably gonna be remembered for how non-existent his charisma was, but damn he's awesome in the ring. And of course, there's no doubting how amazing Malenko is. Everything he does looks like he's trying to win a legitimate fight. After some great, crisp back and forth action, we get a near copy of the finish from their Saturday Night match. Armstrong counters a suplex and goes for a waistlock, but Malenko counters and, instead of going for the roll up, picks the leg of Armstrong, locks in a three-quarter nelson and rolls Armstrong over for the three and the win. Like I said, a pretty great match to kick off the show.
Backstage, the nWo shows up in two limos...that is all
Jim Duggan vs M. Wallstreet
In another rematch from WCW Saturday Night, M. Wallstreet takes on Jim Duggan. The reason for this rematch is much dumber than the reason we got Malenko vs Armstrong. Jim Duggan got the pinfall over Wallstreet on Saturday Night after illegally taping his fist with the roll of tape he hides down this trunks(?) while referee Nick Patrick was down. This came after Duggan had tried to tape his fist with another roll of tape hidden down his trunks (even bigger ?), but Patrick stopped him because it's against the rules. After Patrick went down and Duggan taped his fist to clock Wallstreet for the win, Patrick reversed the decision after seeing Duggan had taped his fist, which again, IS AGAINST THE RULES. So even though Duggan definitely cheated, this is played off like a heel move by Patrick, so Duggan and Wallstreet are facing off again tonight. Needless to say, Malenko-Armstrong, this is not. It's a typical nothing, filler match you'd expect both these men to put on. The finish sees Duggan, having learned nothing from Saturday, pulls out his crotch-tape. This time, however, Wallstreet hits him from behind and decides to tape his own fist. Unfortunately for him, Duggan recovers in time to hit the three-point clothesline and gets the three. Nothing match with a dumb finish. Not worth watching whatsoever.
Hugh Morrus vs Jim Powers with Teddy Long
If Jim Duggan and Mike Rotunda had not just wrestled, I don't think there would be a match I'd look forward to less than this one. The match starts out fine with some solid back and forth work but once Morrus takes control of the match, it slows down big time. Morrus teases the No Laughing Matter moonsault, but he just decides not to and instead continues to beat down on Powers. Powers ends up fighting back and eventually gets a possible visual three count on a roll-up, but Nick Patrick is slow to get down due to his injured neck. Powers ends up getting a very visual three count off a power slam, but Patrick again is "too injured" to properly count, even though he pretty blatantly slow counted. This gets the crowd, Teddy Long, and Powers hot, the latter of which gets him hit from behind by Morrus. Powers is able to send Morrus into the corner, which sends Patrick flailing out of the way.
Another visual three off a roll up for Powers only gets a one count due to Patrick straining his neck off that dodge. This time, Morrus is able to capitalize and hit a back suplex followed by the No Laughing Matter, which Patrick has no problem counting. This match was fine, the action was better than I thought it would be, and Nick Patrick's schtick as "world's worst referee" is pretty funny. After the match, Teddy Long & Patrick argue over him being bad at his job.
Greg Valentine vs Lex Luger
How the f*ck is Greg Valentine, in 1996, still showing up in on a major wrestling company's show? It's absolutely mind-boggling. So after getting attacked by Arn Anderson last week, Luger's not 100% for this match. Valentine is able to control most of the beginning of the match because of this, as Luger can't hit a suplex at first without crumbling. As Valentine continues to beat down Luger, the Ted DiBiase & Vincent pop up in the crowd and hang a nWo banner...thats about it. Tony Schiavone then gets a note saying Hulk Hogan is demanding that he make an announcement tonight. So finally, after over SIX GOD DAMN MINUTES of F*CKING GREG VALENTINE dominating Lex Luger in 1996, Luger finally mounts some offense and hits a flying forearm smash, but only gets a two count. Valentine ends up flooring Luger with a boot in the corner and puts his feet on the ropes. The referee catches it and stops the count. Valentine (very stupidly) thinks he won, so Luger gets up and Torture Racks him for the submission win. Terrible. Absolutely terrible. Greg Valentine shouldn't be dominating anyone for 90% of the match, especially not one of your main eventers. I know Luger was hurt, but still, there's no reason this should've gone on so long. Literally, any other wrestler would have been better for this. Add the fact that Luger needed Valentine to distract himself so he could win, this did nothing but make Luger look really bad.
Down at ringside, Tony Schiavone interviews Nick Patrick. Schiavone tells him that Randy Savage will be fined for putting his hands on him, but only $500 instead of the million that Patrick wanted, along with being suspended for the first five matches of 1997. I'm not entirely sure how you can suspend someone for a certain number of matches in wrestling. It's not like basketball or football where you have a set schedule. What if he just doesn't get booked for like six months, is he still suspended for five matches? I don't know, I might just be over thinking this. Patrick is not happy about this, saying that wrestlers won't respect WCW if they let them walk all over them and threatens war between WCW and his legal staff. He says no one will put their hands on him and get away with it. We then get footage from WCW Saturday Night. This must have been the most important WCW Saturday Night of all time. The clip shows the "nWo Invitational Tag Tournament" where the referee is very obviously Nick Patrick under a mask.
Patrick denies this, saying he's in much better shape than the masked referee. He then throws an accusation at fellow referee Randy Anderson. He then blasts all accusations against him, saying he's working while hurt and heavily denies he's part of the nWo.
Mike Enos vs Randy Savage
Mike Enos makes his entrance right as we head to the second hour of Nitro, which makes it look like he's got this extravagant entrance because of the comical amount of pyro. All for Mike Enos. Eric Bischoff steps away from the commentary table to confront Randy Savage. Bischoff tries to talk to him about Miss Elizabeth trying to talk to him and directs him to a TV right next to them. On the screen is Elizabeth, sitting on a swing by a tree, the swing he built for her. She apologizes for everything she did to him and begs for his forgiveness. Savage goes completely silent and motionless after the video ends. It's the exact opposite of the Macho Man we'd just seen a minute ago. He shoves Bischoff away as he tries to walk to the back, walking around aimlessly before finally rushing to the back. With his back to the camera the entire time, Savage rushes into a white limo, audibly sniffling as Bischoff chase after him. This was a great moment, one of the best segments I've seen since I've started watching the old Nitros.
Eddie Guerrero vs The Cheetah Kid
So...the Cheetah Kid? I looked him up and apparently, Rocco Rock of Public Enemy wrestled under that name a couple of times...
Yeah, I don't think that's him. The Internet Wrestling Database lists him as Rocky Iaukea, the son of King Curtis Iaukea aka the Master of the Dungeon of Doom, but I'm not entirely sure. Regardless, Guerrero wins the match in a quick, but fairly enjoyable match with a frog splash. Guerrero does take a lot more offense than he probably should've, especially from a jobber. During the match, Guerrero has a picture-in-picture promo where he calls Diamond Dallas Page a one-move wrestler, that Page can't break his heart & spirit, and says he'll win the Lord of the Ring...ring at Halloween Havoc.
We then get a call from the voice of Tony the Tiger himself, Lee Marshal, who's on the road in Minneapolis, Minnesota. He says people are excited for WCW in Minneapolis. I don't know what this was.
Big Bubba with Jimmy Hart vs Jeff Jarrett
Before the match, Bischoff throws the usual shade at the WWF, saying Jarrett can't sing, but Nitro is about wrestling and not singing. Before they lock up, Bubba stops Jarrett so he can scream and run the ropes in an alarmingly aggressive manner. Jarrett does his strut in response, so Bubba puts him in a headlock and jumps and down in an equally insane manner while also screaming. I don't know what Bubba is on for this match, but I've seen Bruiser Brody more contained than he is in this match. The crowd is very hot for this match and Jarrett in his hometown. For the most part, this match is pretty enjoyable. It might have been just how into it the whole crowd was, but I thought Jarrett and Bubba put on a fun, back and forth match. The finish is a little screwy, but not as bad Duggan vs Wallstreet by any means. Bubba catches the referee with a pretty blatant backhand, so Jimmy Hart tosses his megaphone to Bubba. However, Jarrett his able to dropkick it into Bubba's face and gets the three for the win. After the match, Tony Schiavone gets a word with Jarrett on the ramp and confirms that Jarrett will face the Giant at Halloween Havoc. Jarrett says he's an impact player (foreshadowing) and says he'll find a way to chop the Giant down to size. He says after Halloween Havoc, the nWo will learn to respect Ric Flair (who got his United States Championship stolen by the nWo), WCW and it's wrestling heritage, and himself.The Faces of Fear vs Harlem Heat with Sister Sherri and Col. Rob Parker
This was advertised at the start of the show as a match for the Tag Team Championships, but apparently, Harlem Heat just said "Nah, we're good" so it's a non-title match. As soon as the match starts, Chris Benoit and the McMichaels pop up in the entrance way, just as they did last week. This is a pretty standard, hard-hitting tag match you'd expect from the Faces of Fear. At one point, Meng dances in front of Sister Sherri.
I don't know why he did that, but I thought it was funny. But of course, a Harlem Heat match can't just have a clean, decisive finish. Scott Hall & Kevin Nash make their way through the crowd, prompting both teams to abandon the match and cut them off at the barricade. The match gets thrown out as Hall & Nash back off. This moment of WCW standing together against the nWo is immediately destroyed after the commercial break.
The nWo (along with Miss Elizabeth) makes their way down to the ring, including Hall & Nash. Apparently, Harlem Heat & and the Faces of Fear only felt like playing defense once tonight. Hogan brags about filming 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountian. That is not something to brag about. He calls Elizabeth "the greatest actress in the world" for making Savage break down, which prompts a slap from Elizabeth. Hogan blocks it and continues running down Savage as Vincent holds up the World Heavyweight Championship.
Again, don't kid yourself, Virgil. Suddenly, the Nasty Boys make their way down to the ring, dawning the nWo black and white. Knobbs makes a comment about not liking how much they're getting from their nWo contracts, so Hogan sicks the nWo on them and rips off their shirts. Both men get "nWo" spray-painted across their backs as Hogan says he ruined Savage's life and after Halloween Havoc, he'll still have Elizabeth. He again brags about 3 Ninjas (again, not something to brag about) before the nWo takes control of the commentary booth. Hall & Nash run-down Harlem Heat, even breaking kayfabe and calling them hillbillies from Texas before the show officially comes to a close.
And that's about it. Overall, I'd say Nitro takes the win for this week pretty easily. There were multiple solid matches and segments (the Nick Patrick interview, especially) and one really great segment with Randy Savage. RAW is kind of stuck in this spot where they aren't doing anything heinously awful, but nothing they do is really all that great. All but one of the matches were squash matches and the only one that wasn't was a huge schmoz to set up the pay-per-view. It's no surprise why people kept tuning into Nitro instead of RAW back in 1996
RAW: 20
Nitro: 32
That's it for this edition of RAW vs Nitro. If you liked what you read, feel free to share this around and as always, stay tuned for the next one.
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