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Worst in the World: Van Hammer vs Doug Somers-Halloween Havoc 1991

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Special thanks to Otter Empire for suggesting this match. If you'd like to see a match covered on the Worst in the World, leave a comment down below.
The last time I came across Van Hammer on the Worst in the World, I remarked that I knew nothing about him. Now, nearly four years later, I've discovered something...Van Hammer sucks. I've only ever seen him in WCW a couple of times, but everything he's ever done has been bad. I have no idea why WCW was soon keen on pushing this guy in 1991 and 1992  His match with Terry Taylor was passable, only because it went less than 45 seconds. This match, however, really exposed just how bad he was. In his pay-per-view debut, Van Hammer took on Doug Somers.
I'm glad you asked. Doug Somers was an AWA wrestler who wrestled both his pay-per-view debut and his sole WCW match at Halloween Havoc 1991. Why is this jobber squash match happening on pay-per-view? Well, it was supposed to be Michael P.S. Hayes taking on Van Hammer, but for whatever reason, plans changed. And considering how this match went, Hayes is lucky. Let's get into this.
Doug Somers is so much of a jobber that he doesn't even get an entrance. To put that in perspective, the Creatures, a masked tag team that only existed for one night, also wrestle on this show and get an entrance. If you're considered lower on the card than Joey Maggs in a mask, that's a really bad sign. The two trade headlock before Hammer throws Somers into the ropes. Somers comes back, stops moving, ducks, and falls over as Van Hammer just stands there. Van Hammer follows up with a bad clothesline before hitting a powerslam as Jim Ross calls him a "raw rookie" on commentary. He is not wrong. Van Hammer throws Somers into the corner, causing Somers to stumble across the ring before Hammer hits a back body drop. Hammer follows up with an elbow drop and a leg drop before calling for the finish. This does not end well.
Van Hammer appears to go for a slingshot suplex, only to begin to fall back before Somers has even started falling towards the ropes, and proceeds to damn near spike Somers head into the mat. Van Hammer makes the cover and gets the win, despite Somers kicking out at 3.1 because the 40-year old jobber has to protect himself, I guess. Although, to be fair, if a dude nearly killed me off a botched move as bad as Van Hammer did, I wouldn't try to make him look good either.

The Verdict

What an absolute trainwreck. Not a single thing was done well in this match. Van Hammer was green as sh*t here and Somers did him absolutely no favors, stumbling around the ring and tripping over himself with all the grace of a drunk baby deer with brain damage. And that finish. Dear God. A dangerously botched move that was all on Hammer. It baffles me that WCW let this guy go undefeated for almost a month after this, and it baffles me even more that they kept him around until 2000. This match is terrible and makes Van Hammer look awful, which is the exact opposite of what it was supposed to accomplish. Imagine being on the same show as the Chamber of Horrors match and somehow putting on a worse match

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1. Rick Rude vs Jake Roberts-WrestleMania IV
  2. Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
  3. Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt-WrestleMania 33
  4. Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
  5. T&A vs Head Cheese-WrestleMania 2000
  6. Triple H vs Sgt. Slaughter-D-Generation X: In Your House
  7. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  8. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  9. Rick Rude vs Hawk-Clash of the Champions XXV
  10. Shelton Benjamin vs Viscera-New Year's Revolution 2006
  11. Steve McMichael vs Reggie White-Slamboree 1997
  12. The Tag Team Fatal 4-Way Match-WrestleMania 13
  13. Tag Team Battle Royal-WrestleMania XIV
  14. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  15. The Natural Disasters vs Money Inc.-WrestleMania VIII
  16. Ivan Koloff vs Paul Jones-Clash of the Champions IV
  17. ODB, Taylor Wilde, and Roxxi vs The Kongtourage-Genesis 2009
  18. Ivory vs Tori-SummerSlam 1999
  19. The Reverse Battle Royal-Impact! (10/26/2006)
  20. Jerry Blackwell vs Boris Zhukov-SuperClash II
  21. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  22. Alex Wright vs Steve McMichael-Halloween Havoc 1997
  23. The Great Khali vs Kane-WrestleMania 23
  24. Savio Vega vs Crush vs Faarooq-Ground Zero: In Your House
  25. The Shockmaster vs Awesome/King Kong-Starrcade 1993
  26. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  27. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  28. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  29. Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long-Capital Combat
  30. Dusty Rhodes vs Big Boss Man-Saturday Night's Main Event (10/31/1989)
  31. Tyson Tomko vs Stevie Richards-Unforgiven 2004
  32. Kane vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2009
  33. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  34. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Souled Out 1997
  35. Dustin Rhodes & King Kong vs Awesome Kong & The Equalizer-Battlebowl
  36. Finlay & Little Bastard vs The Boogeyman & Little Boogeyman-No Way Out 2007
  37. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
  38. Yokozuna vs King Mabel-In Your House 4
  39. Dusty Rhodes vs The Honky Tonk Man-SummerSlam 1989
  40. Sting & Hawk vs Meng & Kurasawa-Clash of the Champions XXXI
  41. Hulk Hogan vs Randy Savage-Uncensored 1998
  42. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  43. Mickie James vs Ashley-Royal Rumble 2006
  44. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  45. Stevie Ray vs Konnan-World War 3 1998
  46. Vampiro vs The KISS Demon-Bash at the Beach 2000
  47. Team WCW vs nWo Wolfpac vs nWo Hollywood-Fall Brawl 1998
  48. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
  49. Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania III
  50. Van Hammer vs Terrance Taylor-Clash of the Champions XVI
  51. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
  52. The Undertaker vs Goldberg-Super ShowDown 2019
  53. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
  54. Jim Duggan vs Big Boss Man-Royal Rumble 1990
  55. Meng vs Jim Duggan-Uncensored 1995
  56. Jim Steele vs The Equalizer-SuperBrawl IV
  57. Sting vs Tony Palmore-Battle 7
  58. D-Generation X vs Brothers of Destruction-Crown Jewel
  59. Wendi Richter vs Leilani Kai-WrestleMania
  60. Edge vs Triple H vs Vladimir Kozlov-Survivor Series 2008
  61. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  62. Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
  63. Scott Hall vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl IX
  64. Kane vs The Great Khali-Breaking Point
  65. PN News & Bobby Eaton vs Steve Austin & Terrance Taylor-Great American Bash 1991
  66. Scott Steiner vs Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Road Warrior Animal-Sin
  67. Hollywood Hogan vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl 1997
  68. Batista vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2007
  69.  Sable vs Tori-WrestleMania XV
  70. Super Invader vs Todd Champion-WrestleWar 1992
  71. King Kong Bundy & Jim Neidhart vs Yokozuna & Jake Roberts-Heroes of Wrestling
  72. Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII
  73. The 8-Divas Tag Match-Survivor Series 1999
  74. The Fabulous Freebirds vs The Renegade Warriors-Halloween Havoc 1990
  75. The Knockouts Gauntlet-One Night Only: Live! 2016
  76. AJ Styles vs Frank Trigg-No Surrender 2008
  77. Rick Rude vs Masahiro Chono-Halloween Havoc 1992
  78. Mike Awesome vs Vampiro-Halloween Havoc 2000
  79. Bray Wyatt vs John Cena-Extreme Rules 2014
  80. Brothers of Destruction vs KroniK-Unforgiven 2001
  81. Mabel vs The Undertaker-King of the Ring 1995
  82. Wendi Richter vs The Fabulous Moolah-The Brawl to End it All
  83. David Flair vs Kimberly Page-Mayhem 1999
  84. The Truth Commission vs The Disciples of Apocolypse-Survivor Series 1997
  85. The Bushwhacker vs The Fabulous Rougeaus-WrestleMania V
  86. The Beverly Brothers vs The Bushwhackers-Royal Rumble 1992
  87. Teddy Long vs Eric Bischoff-Survivor Series 2005
  88. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  89. Abdullah the Butcher vs One Man Gang-Heroes of Wrestling
  90. Major Gunns vs Miss Hancock-New Blood Rising
  91. Bradshaw & Trish Stratus vs Christopher Nowinski & Jackie Gayda-RAW (7/8/2002)
  92. Triple H vs Scott Steiner-Royal Rumble 2003
  93. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  94. Mr. T vs Roddy Piper-WrestleMania 2
  95. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  96. The Blacktop Bully vs Dustin Rhodes-Uncensored 1995
  97. Pat Patterson vs Gerald Brisco-King of the Ring 2000
  98. The Four Doinks vs Team Bigelow-Survivor Series 1993
  99. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
  100. Oz vs Tim Parker-SuperBrawl
  101. Van Hammer vs Doug Somers-Halloween Havoc 1991
  102. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
  103. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996
  104. Kane vs The Undertaker-Judgement Day 1998
  105. Rebel vs Shelly Martinez-One Night Only: Knockouts Knockdown
  106. Kaitlyn vs Maxine-NXT (10/19/2010)
  107. Sabu vs The Sandman-November to Remember 1997
  108. Seth Rollins vs "The Fiend" Bray Wyatt-Hell in a Cell 2019
  109. Michael Cole vs Jerry Lawler-WrestleMania XXVII
  110. The Bushwhackers vs Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-Heroes of Wrestling
  111. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
  112. John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
  113. Ultimate Warrior vs Goldust-In Your House 7
  114. Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus-Triplemania XXIII
  115. Jenna Morasca vs Sharmell-Victory Road 2009
Thanks for reading. Be sure to share this post and leave any suggestions for matches you'd like to see covered here in the comments below. Next week, I'll travel way down south and look at my first match from CMLL, in which the youngest wrestler was 52. Until next time.
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