Worst in the World: The House of Horrors Match-Payback 2017

(NOTE: Before this post starts, I wanted to give a heads up. Throughout this review, there are GIFs that contain bright, flashing lights on repeat. If you suffer from photosensitive epilepsy, it might be best to skip this post)

Over a year ago, I covered Randy Orton and Bray Wyatt's WWE Championship match at WrestleMania 33, the Wrestling Observer Newsletter's "winner" of the Worst Match of the Year award. While the match was nothing above subpar, especially for a world title match at WrestleMania, and featured...

whatever that was, I mentioned in my post that I didn't think that it was actually the worst match of the year. In fact, I gave not one, but four matches as examples of matches I thought were worse than it in 2017. So, allow me to put my money where my mouth is and cover those four matches over the next two months. And what better place to start than with the follow up to Orton & Wyatt's WrestleMania stinker. After Orton's victory, Wyatt would challenge Orton to a rematch at Payback. But this couldn't just be any regular old match. This needed to be something special. Something different. Something...

wonderful!

See, almost a year before Payback, Matt Hardy and TNA unleashed "The Final Deletion", a highly stylized, heavily edited match between Matt and his brother Jeff Hardy, upon the world. While there had been taped, edited matches in the past, there was nothing like this. It was such a rousing success that TNA/Impact would bust out this style of match multiple times, even after the Hardys had left the company, and Matt Hardy has continued to use the Broken persona & the match-style as recently as last month at AEW's Full Gear event.

Naturally, WWE decided to hop on the bandwagon and start producing their own cinematic style matches and brawls. Just six days after the Final Deletion first aired, WWE filmed a highly stylized brawl between The New Day and The Wyatt Family at the Wyatt Family "compound", aka, a random field in the woods with a bunch of cars no buildings around. And this brings us to April of 2017, where Orton & Wyatt would have a rematch in a "House of Horrors" match. Now, here's the thing...as much as they wanted to piggyback off the Final Deletion and that style of wrestling...I don't think WWE really got why that style got popular.

One thing you'll notice about the Wyatt Compound brawl and this match especially is that WWE took these DEATHLY SERIOUS. The Wyatt Compound fight literally features attempted vehicular manslaughter in the first 10 seconds, which is later followed up by Bray Wyatt presumably trying to murder Xavier Woods with a pickaxe. That's something you see in a straight-up horror movie. It's clear that they were concerned with making these matches look realistic and serious...but that misses the point of the Final Deletion. It's outrageously silly and completely unrealistic...but that's what makes it fun. From Matt Hardy's bizarre accent to the mini drone attack to Matt's "landscaping escapades" to the random namedrop of a 17th-century violin maker to the fireworks attack to the dilapidated boat (that's my favorite part) to even little things like Matt calling a $30 Fisher-Price toy xylophone "exquisite", it's clear that this is meant to entertain people through humor & absurdity. Basically, when you laugh at a silly thing that happens in the Final Deletion, you're laughing with it because that was clearly the desired reaction, but when you laugh at a silly thing in the House of Horrors match, you're laughing at it because they probably thought that was SUPER COOL when in reality it looks like something that got rejected from a Tool music video.

WWE would eventually figure out how to do matches like the Final Deletion (as in Matt Hardy came back, legally acquired the rights to the Broken gimmick from TNA (now Impact), and had the "Ultimate Deletion" in WWE) and pretty much perfected it with the Firefly Funhouse Match (which genuinely might be the best storytelling WWE has ever booked) before blowing their load and going overboard with it (I'm looking at you, Money in the Bank 2020 and whatever the fuck that Street Profits-Viking Raiders thing at Backlash was), but it's clear that, in 2017, cinematic matches were not the company's forte. So, with that out of the way, let's get into it, this is Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt in a House of Horrors match for the WWE Championship...until it wasn't because they moved Wyatt to Raw a week after announcing this match, turning what could be the next part of a WWE Championship story into a meaningless throwaway match on a B-tier pay-per-view. Goddammit, this company.

So, the rules of the House of Horrors match are pretty simple. The only way to win is by pinfall, submission, or forfeit in the ring. Keywords "in the ring." The match actually starts in Bray Wyatt's House of Horrors and will end in the ring. And no, the House of Horrors isn't just some set backstage or right across the street from the arena, it's so far away that there is a whole ass match between someone leaving the house and getting to the arena. Why not just have the whole match at the house? It would've been so much simpler to do that. Or better yet...just don't do this match. The commentators try to discuss this match beforehand but are interrupted by Wyatt's screen glitch, which cuts to a limo driving down an empty, pitch-black road. The limo is driving Randy Orton to the House of Horrors, and when it pulls up, the door opens by itself. Orton is alarmed. He steps out of the limo and sees the house, shrouded in a colored floodlight you buy for Halloween.

And I know the house is a lot more "horror" looking on the inside, but the outside of this house is not intimidating whatsoever. This quite literally looks like my grandmother's house.

Orton is puzzled, cautiously approaching the house as a light flickers in the attic and spooky music plays. These are literally Halloween decorations. And then...we get it. One of the lamest attempts at a jumpscare I've ever seen. Orton is alerted by the sound of a tractor starting up...a slow-moving tractor.

We've done it. The match is barely even a minute in and it's already one of the cringiest things I've seen in a long time. I don't even like using the word "cringe" but...there's no other word to describe this. I'm not the biggest fan of movies like Insidious and how flagrant its jump scares are...but at least their things are kind of scary. This is a tractor. It actually rivals the Silent Hill: Revelation Pop-Tart jump scare. At least that's sudden, quick, and loud...this is a slow farming vehicle. Did I mention I haven't even crossed the two-minute mark of this match yet?

So after...that. Orton makes his way to the porch and looks through the window, seeing Wyatt standing there staring at him. Orton tries to open the door...which is locked for some reason so he kicks it in and enters the house. And it's every horror cliche you can think of. Cobwebs, flickering lights, torn up wallpaper, random hooks, bright lights shining through blinders, scary words like "RUN" written in red over a picture, you name it.

The same ghost that opened Orton's limo door slams the house door behind him, distracting him for long enough that Wyatt can sneak attack him. Wyatt beats down Orton, slamming him into the wall before splashing him against said wall. Wyatt throws Orton into a lamp, saying that Orton will never leave the house. Much like everything Wyat would say around this time, this will be completely meaningless in about 20 minutes.

Orton gets some breathing room by smashing a vase over Wyatt's head, sending him retreating back into the house. We get more horror cliches as Orton follows after him. More cobwebs, decaying & broken walls, random beams of light coming from nowhere.

All that's missing is a cat jumping out of nowhere, a medium, and Orton using a free imitation Google and we've got a shit generic horror movie bingo. We finally get an effective jump scare when Wyatt's hand pops out of a hole in the wall that you can't see and grabs Orton.

That actually worked, I'll give them that one. Orton is able to get away from Wyatt's grasp and walks into what can only be described as the "Hanging Baby Doll Room."

This is a prime example of doing too much. Stuff likes this is creepy but means nothing if there's no reason behind it. Why would Bray Wyatt take the time to hang up all these baby dolls like this? What does this accomplish other than weirding out Randy Orton? It's just so pointless. Maybe it's just because I love the Firefly Funhouse match so much and how every little thing is a reference to something throughout the history of WWE or John Cena's career, but this is just meaningless spooky crap. 

Wyatt gets the jump on Orton as more generic ass horror music plays. Orton gains the upper hand by gouging Wyatt's eyes, but Wyatt breaks away and throws Orton through a wall. Wyatt then throws a stroller at Orton and then disappears yet again. Back in the living room, Orton flips a table. That was rude. He then enters yet another room with creepy stuff that has no value other than "it's spooky, I guess." This one's got a weird stick sculpture thing with antlers and severed doll heads with symbols drawn on them. Orton decides to not even bother going in there and makes his way to the kitchen, which has more cliche horror movie things and includes a fridge with "WE'RE HERE" written in what has to be dirt.

That's not even remotely scary. Wyatt tries to sneak attack Orton, but Orton avoids it and sends Wyatt into the cupboards. The two throw eachother around the kitchen before Orton gains the advantage and beats down Wyatt on the floor. Orton tries to clobber Wyatt with a frying pan, but Wyatt gives him a low blow before tipping the fridge over onto Orton.

There you have it, everybody, Randy Orton is dead.

Wyatt stumbles out of the house, screaming a lot for some reason. Once out, he goes down on his knees, screams his catchphrase, we get a compilation of all the spooky stuff from the house, and someone changes the Halloween decoration lighting settings from blue to red.

Wyatt laughs and stumbles over to the limo, getting in and telling the driver to take him to the arena. Wyatt sings "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands" as the limo drives off. A Wyatt screen glitch sends us back to the arena where the commentators put over how disturbing the match was while the live crowd has NONE OF WHAT THEY JUST WATCHED, audibly booing it. Thus concludes part one of this match.

Part two is about 20 minutes later following a pretty good Seth Rollins vs Samoa Joe match. The limo pulls up to the arena and Bray Wyatt steps out. His appearance earns some minor boos. This guy was getting you deserve it chants when he won the WWE Championship two months ago and now his mere presence can't even elicit heavy boos. It's more disinterest than anything. WWE's creative team did this man so dirty for years. Wyatt makes his way from the garage to the ring, which includes walking past a workbox that specifically belongs to Neil.

The commentators talk about how there's no way Orton can possibly make it back to the arena and will have to forfeit, setting up the obvious. Wyatt makes his way to the ring with his lantern that I guess is just always backstage for him. The crowd does the firefly thing with their phones which looks cool on TV, but live, at least in my experience, kind of ruins the entrance because of how bright it is. Wyatt blows out his lantern, but when the lights come back on, Randy Orton is right behind Wyatt with a chair.

This was actually done pretty well, you can't see Orton slide in the ring despite how light it is, and the rise up was nice. But this begs the question...how did Orton get there so quickly? Wyatt took the limo that took Orton to the house so, did Orton just get an Uber to the arena that somehow got him there at around at least the same time as Wyatt. And also, Orton got a REFRIDGERATOR DUMPED ON HIM! You aren't just coming back from that 20 minutes later like it's nothing.

Orton smashes Wyatt in the back with the chair, sending him out of the ring. Orton throws Wyatt around ringside and over the announce table before hitting a draping DDT off the table onto the floor. Orton follows that up with another steel chair shot to Wyatt's back before throwing him back in the ring. Orton calls for the RKO, only for him to be attacked. Not by Erick Rowan, who was still technically in the Wyatt Family at this point, but the Singh Brothers. Because yes, unfortunately, this terrible feud is also right in the middle of Orton's next terrible feud with Jinder Mahal. Orton dispatches of the Singhs pretty easily before Wyatt goes for Sister Abigail. Orton counters it with a schoolboy and hits the RKO, only to be hit from behind by Jinder Mahal with Orton's title that he stole on SmackDown that week. Mahal gives Orton another belt shot, allowing Wyatt to hit Sister Abigail for the three and the win, mercifully ending this absolute shit show.

The Verdict

I love professional wrestling. I love horror movies. This match is basically a pro-wrestling horror movie. This should be right up my alley. The only problem is that this horror movie is the absolute worst kind of horror. Creepy things that have zero meaning or purpose other than "it's just creepy." There is one effective jump scare throughout the whole thing and that's it. But how is it as a cinematic match? Terrible. I said it before, but matches like these are inherently silly. When you play up the silliness like the Deletion matches or the Firefly Funhouse, you get great, entertaining results. Nothing in this match is fun, it's all played deathly, 100% serious, but still uses the wacky stuff like the random spooky rooms of stuff and the GHOST TRACTOR. Like I said, when you do silly stuff like that but play it off like it's scary, then the people watching are laughing at you, not with you. And as for the actual wrestling...what wrestling? The entire match is just brawling. I don't think one move is hit until they get to the arena, which barely has any itself. I think there's a total of five moves hit this entire match, one of which was on someone who wasn't in the match, and another was done by someone who ran in. The rest of it is just an endless brawl in between bad horror cliches. Don't watch this match. There isn't a single redeemable thing about out...OK, ghost tractor is funny, but that's unintentionally funny. Aside from that, this match is absolutely terrible in every way.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

1. Rick Rude vs Jake Roberts-WrestleMania IV
2. Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
3. Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns-Greatest Royal Rumble
4. Shane McMahon vs Eric Bischoff-SummerSlam 2003
5. The Tag Team Gauntlet-Extreme Rules 2010
6. Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt-WrestleMania 33
7. Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
8. T&A vs Head Cheese-WrestleMania 2000
9. Triple H vs Sgt. Slaughter-D-Generation X: In Your House
10. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
11. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
12. Rick Rude vs Hawk-Clash of the Champions XXV
13. Shelton Benjamin vs Viscera-New Year's Revolution 2006
14. Steve McMichael vs Reggie White-Slamboree 1997
15. The Tag Team Fatal 4-Way Match-WrestleMania 13
16. Tag Team Battle Royal-WrestleMania XIV
17. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
18. The Natural Disasters vs Money Inc.-WrestleMania VIII
19. Ivan Koloff vs Paul Jones-Clash of the Champions IV
20. ODB, Taylor Wilde, and Roxxi vs The Kongtourage-Genesis 2009
21. Ivory vs Tori-SummerSlam 1999
22. Giant Baba vs Bulldog Bob Brown-WrestleRock
23. The Reverse Battle Royal-Impact! (10/26/2006)
24. Jerry Blackwell vs Boris Zhukov-SuperClash II
25. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
26. Alex Wright vs Steve McMichael-Halloween Havoc 1997
27. The Great Khali vs Kane-WrestleMania 23
28. Savio Vega vs Crush vs Faarooq-Ground Zero: In Your House
29. The Shockmaster vs Awesome/King Kong-Starrcade 1993
30. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
31. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
32. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
33. Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long-Capital Combat
34. Dusty Rhodes vs Big Boss Man-Saturday Night's Main Event (10/31/1989)
35. Tyson Tomko vs Stevie Richards-Unforgiven 2004
36. Kane vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2009
37. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
38. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Souled Out 1997
39. Dustin Rhodes & King Kong vs Awesome Kong & The Equalizer-Battlebowl
40. Finlay & Little Bastard vs The Boogeyman & Little Boogeyman-No Way Out 2007
41. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
42. Yokozuna vs King Mabel-In Your House 4
43. Dusty Rhodes vs The Honky Tonk Man-SummerSlam 1989
44. Sting & Hawk vs Meng & Kurasawa-Clash of the Champions XXXI
45. Hulk Hogan vs Randy Savage-Uncensored 1998
46. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
47. Mickie James vs Ashley-Royal Rumble 2006
48. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
49. Stevie Ray vs Konnan-World War 3 1998
50. Vampiro vs The KISS Demon-Bash at the Beach 2000
51. Team WCW vs nWo Wolfpac vs nWo Hollywood-Fall Brawl 1998
52. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
53. Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania III
54. Van Hammer vs Terrance Taylor-Clash of the Champions XVI
55. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
56. The Undertaker vs Goldberg-Super ShowDown 2019
57. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
58. Jim Duggan vs Big Boss Man-Royal Rumble 1990
59. Meng vs Jim Duggan-Uncensored 1995
60. Jim Steele vs The Equalizer-SuperBrawl IV
61. The Undertaker vs Giant González-WrestleMania IX
62. Sting vs Tony Palmore-Battle 7
63. D-Generation X vs Brothers of Destruction-Crown Jewel
64. Wendi Richter vs Leilani Kai-WrestleMania
65. Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar-WrestleMania XX
66. Edge vs Triple H vs Vladimir Kozlov-Survivor Series 2008
67. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
68. Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
69. Scott Hall vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl IX
70. Boris Zhukov vs Paul Samson-Beach Brawl
71. Roddy Piper vs Hollywood Hogan-Halloween Havoc 1997
72. Kane vs The Great Khali-Breaking Point
73. Hollywood Hogan & Dennis Rodman vs Diamond Dallas Page & Karl Malone-Bash at the Beach 1998
74. PN News & Bobby Eaton vs Steve Austin & Terrance Taylor-Great American Bash 1991
75. Scott Steiner vs Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Road Warrior Animal-Sin
76. Hollywood Hogan vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl 1997
77. Batista vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2007
78.  Sable vs Tori-WrestleMania XV
79. Super Invader vs Todd Champion-WrestleWar 1992
80. Brock Lesnar vs Cain Velasquez-Crown Jewel 2019
81. King Kong Bundy & Jim Neidhart vs Yokozuna & Jake Roberts-Heroes of Wrestling
82. Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII
83. The 8-Divas Tag Match-Survivor Series 1999
84. The Fabulous Freebirds vs The Renegade Warriors-Halloween Havoc 1990
85. The Knockouts Gauntlet-One Night Only: Live! 2016
86. AJ Styles vs Frank Trigg-No Surrender 2008
87. Rick Rude vs Masahiro Chono-Halloween Havoc 1992
88. Mike Awesome vs Vampiro-Halloween Havoc 2000
89. Bray Wyatt vs John Cena-Extreme Rules 2014
90. Brothers of Destruction vs KroniK-Unforgiven 2001
91. Mabel vs The Undertaker-King of the Ring 1995
92. Wendi Richter vs The Fabulous Moolah-The Brawl to End it All
93. David Flair vs Kimberly Page-Mayhem 1999
94. The Truth Commission vs The Disciples of Apocolypse-Survivor Series 1997
95. Daffney vs Miss Hancock-Bash at the Beach 2000
96. The Bushwhacker vs The Fabulous Rougeaus-WrestleMania V
97. The Beverly Brothers vs The Bushwhackers-Royal Rumble 1992
98. Teddy Long vs Eric Bischoff-Survivor Series 2005
99. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
100. Abdullah the Butcher vs One Man Gang-Heroes of Wrestling
101. Major Gunns vs Miss Hancock-New Blood Rising
102. Bradshaw & Trish Stratus vs Christopher Nowinski & Jackie Gayda-RAW (7/8/2002)
103. Triple H vs Scott Steiner-Royal Rumble 2003
104. Santina Marella vs Vickie & Chavo Guerrero-Extreme Rules 2009
105. Kevin Nash vs Scott Steiner vs Goldberg-New Blood Rising
106. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
107. Mr. T vs Roddy Piper-WrestleMania 2
108. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
109. Bray Wyatt vs Randy Orton-Payback 2017
110. The Blacktop Bully vs Dustin Rhodes-Uncensored 1995
111. Team Dos Caras vs Team El Canek-Leyendas Mexicanas 2017
112. Pat Patterson vs Gerald Brisco-King of the Ring 2000
113. The Four Doinks vs Team Bigelow-Survivor Series 1993
114. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
115. Oz vs Tim Parker-SuperBrawl
116. Brock Lesnar vs Braun Strowman-Crown Jewel 2018
117. Brock Lesnar vs Ricochet-Super ShowDown 2020
118. The Mighty Maccabee vs The Iron Sheik-Maccabiah Mania II: Shekel Slam
119. Van Hammer vs Doug Somers-Halloween Havoc 1991
120. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
121. Jeff Jarrett vs Sting-Halloween Havoc 2000
122. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996
123. Kane vs The Undertaker-Judgement Day 1998
124. Rebel vs Shelly Martinez-One Night Only: Knockouts Knockdown
125. Kaitlyn vs Maxine-NXT (10/19/2010)
126. Sabu vs The Sandman-November to Remember 1997
127. Seth Rollins vs "The Fiend" Bray Wyatt-Hell in a Cell 2019
128. Michael Cole vs Jerry Lawler-WrestleMania XXVII
129. The Bushwhackers vs Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-Heroes of Wrestling
130. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
131. John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
132. Hulk Hogan vs The Giant-Halloween Havoc 1995
133. Ultimate Warrior vs Goldust-In Your House 7
134. Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus-Triplemania XXIII
135. Jenna Morasca vs Sharmell-Victory Road 2009

Thanks for reading! Be sure to share if you enjoy and leave any suggestions for matches you'd like to see covered in the Worst in the World in the comments. Next week, since I briefly mentioned it here, I might as well see where that Randy Orton-Jinder Mahal feud goes. Spoiler alert: it goes to bad places. Until next time.