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Worst in the World: Santino Marella vs Heath Slater-WWE Friday Night SmackDown (9/27/2013)

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(Special thanks to Otter Empire for suggesting this match. If you'd like to see a match covered on the Worst in the World, leave a comment down below.)
It is time for some wacky shit. This is actually the first time I'll be covering a match from SmackDown in this series, and there's a good reason for that; SmackDown, for the majority of its existence, was a pre-taped show. This meant that, should a notably bad match take place on the blue show, it could be edited and altered to make it more palatable. That being said, there were definitely still bad matches that made it to air on SmackDown, and this is one of them. Santino Marella & Heath Slater faced off on the September 27, 2013 edition of SmackDown, a show that had pretty much nothing of substance on it...kind of like every SmackDown that happened between the two brand splits. Despite the throwaway nature of this episode, the two managed to have a notable match in all the wrong ways. This is easily one of the weirdest non-cinematic matches WWE has put on in the last decade, so let's get into it.
Heath Slater does not get a televised entrance, so guess who's not winning this match? Slater is already in the ring when the show comes back from commercial, accompanied by his 3MB stablemates Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre. Imagine telling someone in 2013 that two-thirds of the heel jobber trio would be future WWE Champions. On a related note, Heath Slater; just get shredded and come back. There's still time. Santino makes his way out, accompanied to the ring by the Great Khali and Hornswoggle. The match starts with the two blocking each other's kicks, ending with Slater clocking Santino. Slater stomps away at Santino before making the cover for a one fall. Slater elbows away at Santino before slapping on a headlock. Santino fights out and hits a big hip toss, but his falling headbutt catches Slater's knees. Slater gets a near fall of that before going to the top rope, only for Santino to knock him down and crotch him on the top rope. Slater falls to the canvas, which means it's time for the snake. Santino pulls his arm sleeve out of his singlet and sets up for the Cobra...and then this happens:
Jinder Mahal hops up on the ring apron...with a recorder. Michael Cole calls it a flute. He is wrong. (UPDATE; It has come to my attention that recorders are, in fact, flutes. Please disregard that statement) Mahal starts playing a snake charming song. Whatever just popped into your head when you read "snake charming song" is probably exactly what he was playing. And I use the word "playing" loosely because they've very clearly just dubbed in the song while Mahal mimicked playing it. Naturally, because "arm + sleeve = snake", the Cobra is charmed and leads Santino over to Mahal. However, the Great Khali responds by...grabbing his own recorder and playing the same song, charming Santino over to him.
Does he...keep that on him at all times? Mahal obviously planned to do this, but Khali wouldn't know that. Also, there's not a chance in hell that Khali or Mahal's mimicking is matching the song, I refuse to believe it. I need one of those videos comparing drumming in animated shows to actual drums, but for recorders, ASAP. Mahal and Khali have a recorder battle, attempting to keep Santino on their side until McIntyre runs over and hops on the apron to distract Khali. Khali responds with a chop to the head, and then just abandons playing while Mahal charms the Cobra, making it set its sights on Santino himself. This is super dumb, but I'll give Santino credit, he is not half-assing this.
The man is a professional. Santino is saved when Hornswoggle runs over, pulling Mahal off the apron and snapping the recorder over his knee. That, however, distracts Santino long enough for Slater to hit a leg lariat. The move doesn't leave Santino down for long, as Khali starts playing again, charming the Cobra and Santino up. Santino hits the Cobra for the three and the win.

The Verdict

An absolute throwaway match (which again, is not out of the ordinary for SmackDown around this time) with an extremely goofy premise surrounding it. It's very short, clocking in at under three minutes, so it's not the worst thing to sit through, but there's really no reason to watch this.

The Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1. Tommy Dreamer vs Bully Ray-Victory Road 2011
  2. Triple H vs Kevin Nash-TLC: Tables, Ladders, and Chairs 2011
  3. Rick Rude vs Jake Roberts-WrestleMania IV
  4. Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
  5. Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns-Greatest Royal Rumble
  6. Ernest Miller vs Norman Smiley-Fall Brawl 1998
  7. Shane McMahon vs Eric Bischoff-SummerSlam 2003
  8. The Tag Team Gauntlet-Extreme Rules 2010
  9. The Gimmick Battle Royal-WrestleMania X-Seven
  10. Hernandez vs Matt Morgan-Victory Road 2011
  11. Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt-WrestleMania 33
  12. Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
  13. T&A vs Head Cheese-WrestleMania 2000
  14. David Arquette & Diamond Dallas Page vs Jeff Jarrett & Eric Bischoff
  15. The Women's Tag Team Turmoil-WrestleMania 37 (Night 1)
  16. Triple H vs Sgt. Slaughter-D-Generation X: In Your House
  17. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  18. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  19. Rick Rude vs Hawk-Clash of the Champions XXV
  20. Shelton Benjamin vs Viscera-New Year's Revolution 2006
  21. Steve McMichael vs Reggie White-Slamboree 1997
  22. Lars Sullivan vs Lucha House Party-Super Showdown 2019
  23. Alexa Bliss vs Bayley-Extreme Rules 2017
  24. The Tag Team Fatal 4-Way Match-WrestleMania 13
  25. The Barbed Wire Christmas Tree Match-TNA iMPACT (12/20/2007)
  26. Tag Team Battle Royal-WrestleMania XIV
  27. EVIL vs Tomohiro Ishii-Wrestle Kingdom 16 (Day 1)
  28. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  29. The Natural Disasters vs Money Inc.-WrestleMania VIII
  30. Ivan Koloff vs Paul Jones-Clash of the Champions IV
  31. ODB, Taylor Wilde, and Roxxi vs The Kongtourage-Genesis 2009
  32. Kazushi Sakuraba & Yuji Nagata vs Daniel & Rolles Gracie-Wrestle Kingdom 8
  33. Ivory vs Tori-SummerSlam 1999
  34. Giant Baba vs Bulldog Bob Brown-WrestleRock
  35. The Reverse Battle Royal-Impact! (10/26/2006)
  36. Savio Vega vs Rocky Maivia-In Your House 14: Revenge of the Taker
  37. Jerry Blackwell vs Boris Zhukov-SuperClash II
  38. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  39. Alex Wright vs Steve McMichael-Halloween Havoc 1997
  40. The Great Khali vs Kane-WrestleMania 23
  41. Savio Vega vs Crush vs Faarooq-Ground Zero: In Your House
  42. The Shockmaster vs Awesome/King Kong-Starrcade 1993
  43. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  44. The Intercontinental Championship Elimination Chamber-Elimination Chamber 2015
  45. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  46. Team RAW vs Team SmackDown Men's Elimination Match-Survivor Series 2017
  47. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  48. Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long-Capital Combat
  49. Dusty Rhodes vs Big Boss Man-Saturday Night's Main Event (10/31/1989)
  50. Konnan vs Scott Hall-Fall Brawl 1998
  51. Damian Priest vs The Miz-WrestleMania Backlash
  52. Tyson Tomko vs Stevie Richards-Unforgiven 2004
  53. Kane vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2009
  54. Rick Steiner vs Scott Steiner-Fall Brawl 1998
  55. The Extreme Elimination Chamber-December to Dismember 2006
  56. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  57. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Souled Out 1997
  58. Dustin Rhodes & King Kong vs Awesome Kong & The Equalizer-Battlebowl
  59. Finlay & Little Bastard vs The Boogeyman & Little Boogeyman-No Way Out 2007
  60. Mr. Anderson vs Rob Van Dam-Victory Road 2011
  61. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
  62. El Gigante vs Nailz-G1 Climax 1994 (Day 1)
  63. Yokozuna vs King Mabel-In Your House 4
  64. Dusty Rhodes vs The Honky Tonk Man-SummerSlam 1989
  65. Sting & Hawk vs Meng & Kurasawa-Clash of the Champions XXXI
  66. The Hurt Business vs RETRIBUTION-WWE Monday Night RAW (10/26/2020)
  67. Hulk Hogan vs Randy Savage-Uncensored 1998
  68. Santino Marella vs Heath Slater-WWE Friday Night SmackDown (9/27/2013)
  69. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  70. Vince Russo vs Ric Flair-WCW Monday Nitro (6/5/2000)
  71. Mickie James vs Ashley-Royal Rumble 2006
  72. Antonio Inoki vs The Great Antonio-NJPW Sumo Hall Show (12/8/1977)
  73. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  74. The Big Show vs Erick Rowan-TLC: Tables, Ladders, Chairs 2014
  75. British Bulldog & Jim Neidhart vs The Dancing Fools-Fall Brawl 1998
  76. Stevie Ray vs Konnan-World War 3 1998
  77. Vampiro vs The KISS Demon-Bash at the Beach 2000
  78. Team WCW vs nWo Wolfpac vs nWo Hollywood-Fall Brawl 1998
  79. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
  80. Big Swole vs Penelope Ford, Rebel, and Dr. Britt Baker, D.M.D.-AEW Dynamite (8/27/2020)
  81. Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania III
  82. Jinder Mahal vs Randy Orton-Battleground 2017
  83. Van Hammer vs Terrance Taylor-Clash of the Champions XVI
  84. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
  85. The New Blood Gauntlet-WCW Monday Nitro (6/5/2000)
  86. Chris Jericho vs "Goldberg"-Fall Brawl 1998
  87. Hulk Hogan vs Kevin Nash-WCW Monday Nitro (1/4/1999)
  88. Sting vs Hulk Hogan-Halloween Havoc 1999
  89. Hulk Hogan vs Jeff Jarrett-Bash at the Beach 2000
  90. Roman Reigns vs The Undertaker-WrestleMania 33
  91. The Undertaker vs Goldberg-Super ShowDown 2019
  92. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
  93. Jim Duggan vs Big Boss Man-Royal Rumble 1990
  94. Meng vs Jim Duggan-Uncensored 1995
  95. Jim Steele vs The Equalizer-SuperBrawl IV
  96. The Golden Truth vs Breezango-Money in the Bank 2016
  97. The Undertaker vs Giant González-WrestleMania IX
  98. Sting vs Tony Palmore-Battle 7
  99. D-Generation X vs Brothers of Destruction-Crown Jewel
  100. Wendi Richter vs Leilani Kai-WrestleMania
  101. Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar-WrestleMania XX
  102. Hornswoggle vs Chavo Guerrero-WWE Monday Night Raw (7/20/2009)
  103. Edge vs Triple H vs Vladimir Kozlov-Survivor Series 2008
  104. Rosita & Sarita vs Angelina Love & Winter-Victory Road 2011
  105. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  106. Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
  107. Scott Hall vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl IX
  108. Boris Zhukov vs Paul Samson-Beach Brawl
  109. Roddy Piper vs Hollywood Hogan-Halloween Havoc 1997
  110. Kane vs The Great Khali-Breaking Point
  111. Hollywood Hogan & Dennis Rodman vs Diamond Dallas Page & Karl Malone-Bash at the Beach 1998
  112. PN News & Bobby Eaton vs Steve Austin & Terrance Taylor-Great American Bash 1991
  113. Scott Steiner vs Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Road Warrior Animal-Sin
  114. Hollywood Hogan vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl 1997
  115. The 2015 Royal Rumble Match
  116. Kazuchika Okada vs Gedo-New Japan Cup 2020 (Day 2)
  117. Batista vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2007
  118. Sting vs Hollywood Hogan-Starrcade 1997
  119.  Sable vs Tori-WrestleMania XV
  120. Super Invader vs Todd Champion-WrestleWar 1992
  121. Brock Lesnar vs Cain Velasquez-Crown Jewel 2019
  122. King Kong Bundy & Jim Neidhart vs Yokozuna & Jake Roberts-Heroes of Wrestling
  123. Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII
  124. The 8-Divas Tag Match-Survivor Series 1999
  125. The Fabulous Freebirds vs The Renegade Warriors-Halloween Havoc 1990
  126. The Knockouts Gauntlet-One Night Only: Live! 2016
  127. AJ Styles vs Frank Trigg-No Surrender 2008
  128. Rick Rude vs Masahiro Chono-Halloween Havoc 1992
  129. Mike Awesome vs Vampiro-Halloween Havoc 2000
  130. Bray Wyatt vs John Cena-Extreme Rules 2014
  131. Brothers of Destruction vs KroniK-Unforgiven 2001
  132. The Miss WrestleMania Battle Royal-WrestleMania 25
  133. Mabel vs The Undertaker-King of the Ring 1995
  134. Wendi Richter vs The Fabulous Moolah-The Brawl to End it All
  135. David Flair vs Kimberly Page-Mayhem 1999
  136. The Truth Commission vs The Disciples of Apocolypse-Survivor Series 1997
  137. Daffney vs Miss Hancock-Bash at the Beach 2000
  138. The Bushwhacker vs The Fabulous Rougeaus-WrestleMania V
  139. Randy Orton vs "The Fiend" Bray Wyatt-WrestleMania 37 (Night 2)
  140. The Beverly Brothers vs The Bushwhackers-Royal Rumble 1992
  141. Savio Vega vs Rocky Maivia-WWF Monday Night Raw (4/14/1997)
  142. Teddy Long vs Eric Bischoff-Survivor Series 2005
  143. Savio Vega vs Rocky Maivia-WWF Shotgun Saturday Night (1/25/1997)
  144. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  145. Abdullah the Butcher vs One Man Gang-Heroes of Wrestling
  146. Major Gunns vs Miss Hancock-New Blood Rising
  147. Vince Russo vs Booker T-WCW Monday Nitro (9/25/2000)
  148. Bradshaw & Trish Stratus vs Christopher Nowinski & Jackie Gayda-WWE Monday Night RAW (7/8/2002)
  149. Triple H vs Scott Steiner-Royal Rumble 2003
  150. Goldberg vs "The Fiend" Bray Wyatt-Super ShowDown 2020
  151. Santina Marella vs Vickie & Chavo Guerrero-Extreme Rules 2009
  152. Kevin Nash vs Scott Steiner vs Goldberg-New Blood Rising
  153. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  154. Mr. T vs Roddy Piper-WrestleMania 2
  155. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  156. The House of Horrors Match-Payback 2017
  157. The Blacktop Bully vs Dustin Rhodes-Uncensored 1995
  158. Team Dos Caras vs Team El Canek-Leyendas Mexicanas 2017
  159. Pat Patterson vs Gerald Brisco-King of the Ring 2000
  160. The Wyatt Swamp Fight-The Horror Show at Extreme Rules
  161. The Four Doinks vs Team Bigelow-Survivor Series 1993
  162. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011 
  163. Bret Hart vs Mr. McMahon-WrestleMania XVI
  164. WarGames 2000: Russo's Revenge-WCW Monday Nitro (9/4/2000)
  165. Oz vs Tim Parker-SuperBrawl
  166. Brock Lesnar vs Braun Strowman-Crown Jewel 2018
  167. Brock Lesnar vs Ricochet-Super ShowDown 2020
  168. The Mighty Maccabee vs The Iron Sheik-Maccabiah Mania II: Shekel Slam
  169. Van Hammer vs Doug Somers-Halloween Havoc 1991
  170. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
  171. Jeff Jarrett vs Sting-Halloween Havoc 2000
  172. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996
  173. Kane vs The Undertaker-Judgement Day 1998
  174. Toru Yano vs Jado-New Japan Cup 2020 (Day 1)
  175. Rebel vs Shelly Martinez-One Night Only: Knockouts Knockdown
  176. Kaitlyn vs Maxine-NXT (10/19/2010)
  177. Sabu vs The Sandman-November to Remember 1997
  178. Seth Rollins vs "The Fiend" Bray Wyatt-Hell in a Cell 2019
  179. Michael Cole vs Jerry Lawler-WrestleMania XXVII
  180. The Bushwhackers vs Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-Heroes of Wrestling
  181. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
  182. John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
  183. Hulk Hogan vs The Giant-Halloween Havoc 1995
  184. Ultimate Warrior vs Goldust-In Your House 7
  185. Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus-Triplemania XXIII
  186. Jenna Morasca vs Sharmell-Victory Road 2009
  187. Akira Maeda vs Andre the Giant-NJPW Big Fighter Series 1986 (Day 15)
Thanks for reading! Be sure to share if you enjoyed and leave any suggestions for matches you'd like to see covered in the Worst in the World in the comments. Next time, I'll be sticking with WWE's weekly shows and checking out one of the most inexplicable matches in Monday Night Raw's history. Until then... 
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Comments

  1. Derek JoistsMay 3, 2022 at 9:38 AM

    I've been enjoying this series a lot, and I don't think I've commented before, but I have a very pedantic nitpick - a recorder is technically a flute, as flutes are just reedless woodwinds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CJ BiddleMay 3, 2022 at 9:09 PM

      I actually didn't know that. I was a choir kid in high school, so I don't know much about instruments.

      Delete
  2. FrostMay 5, 2022 at 4:59 AM

    Can we have a timeframe hint for this upcoming Raw match? Because there certainly have been some bombs in the illustrious history of MNR.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CJ BiddleMay 5, 2022 at 12:11 PM

      Early 2007

      Delete
    2. CJ BiddleMay 5, 2022 at 12:12 PM

      Another hint; it doesn't feature any wrestlers on the full-time main roster at the time

      Delete

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