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Worst in the World: Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII

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Last weekend, I went to see Absolute Intense Wrestling's Fullest House live. During the intermission of the show, I walked around, met Veda Scott and took a selfie with her, and eventually wandered over to the merchandise table and bought two DVDs, one of which was The Best of WCW Clash of the Champions. Now, it might seem like a waste to spend money on a DVD featuring over 20 matches that are all available on the WWE Network, something I already pay for. Well, there are three reasons I bought it:
1. I like compilation DVDs
2. I like supporting Indy wrestling
3. I'd rather pay to have a convenient list of good matches from the shows instead of having to sift through bad matches to get to the good ones.
This way I can enjoy matches like Ric Flair vs Terry Funk or Ultimo Dragon vs Dean Malenko without having to sit through stuff like...Sid vs The Nightstalker. Coming from Clash of the Champions XIII: Thanksgiving Thunder, a show that features 8 matches rated one star or less, this match pits Sid Vicious against The Nightstalker, better known as Bryan Clark (of KroniK infamy) or Adam Bomb, in the Nightstalker's debut match, holds a minus 4 star rating from Dave Meltzer, and managed to snag the Worst Worked Match of the Year Award from the Wrestling Observer Newsletter. This is truly a horrible gem.
For starters, what in the holy Hell is Sid wearing?:
I know it's just a plain red singlet, but it looks so bad on him. It doesn't fit him at all. It would be like if Stone Cold showed up in bright yellow trunks with polka dots. Seriously, is there a single less intimidating attire wore by a big man?...
Oh...yeah, alright.
The match kicks off with a GOD DAMN TEST OF STRENGTH SPOT! ARE YOU SERIOUS! They're literally starting off the match with a rest hold. That's what you do like 8 minutes into a match to help wrestlers catch their breath, not something you kick off the match with. It's like their trying to bore you.
They trade kicks in the spot, ending with Sid whipping Nightstalker into the ropes. Nightstalker stutter steps, gently walks into the ropes, stutter steps again, and smashes into Sid. Man, can you tell this is Bryan Clark's first match? Nightstalker puts Sid into a bearhug, which Sid literally jumps into like a girl would jump into her boyfriend's arms:
After a minute long uninterrupted bear hug, Sid fights out of the hug with punches, before Nightstalker takes control again with super slow knees and works over the shoulder. Nightstalker's offense is SO slow it's almost laughable. I know this is his first match ever, and I could imagine having your first match ever be on pay-per-view against a relatively big star is pretty nerve-raking, but you've got to be able to do better than this. Oh, and Paul Heyman on commentary says that Nightstalker is working over the ribs and lungs of Sid, even though he is clearly working over the shoulder. Dammit, Paul E.
Sid tries to fight back, but his shoulder hurts, so Nightstalker keeps working the shoulder, including the dreaded "sort of agressive shoulder push".
Sid starts to fight back, which brings out Big Cat to a super mild response. I don't know who he is, but he's in pretty bad shape. Sid hits a belly to back suplex and punches out Big Cat. So much for the run in. Now, what happens next is so...bizarre. I can't really put it into words, but...well...just look at this:
I'm not hallucinating, you see it too, right? Because unless I'm mistaken, that is a f*cking axe. And not just a regular axe that a lumberjack or a fire fighter would use, that is legit, medieval battle axe. WHAT THE F*CK! WHY DOES THIS GUY HAVE A BATTLE AXE!? WHY WOULD HE EVEN BE ALLOWED TO BRING A BATTLE AXE TO THE RING!? IS THIS EVEN REAL LIFE!?
So anyway, Sid dodges the...Jesus, I can't believe I'm writing this...BATTLE AXE, takes it, and pushes Nightstalker to the ground for the win. That's right, this match ended with an AXE SHOVE. PISS OFF! After the match, Big Cat and Nightstalker double team Sid until Sid grabs a chair and the commentary team sends it too Tony Schiavone. Pretty appropriate ending to this nonsense, if I do say so myself.

The Verdict

...Seriously, a BATTLE AXE! WHAT THE F*CK! Anyway, this match sucked. No actual wrestling, terribly slow work by Clark, a pointless run in, and of course, A BATTLE AXE-RELATED ENDING! Thank god I have this DVD, so I don't have too watch anything like this from Clash of the Champions.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1.  Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
  2. Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
  3. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  4. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  5. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  6. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  7. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  8. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  9. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  10. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  11. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
  12. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  13. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  14. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
  15. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
  16. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
  17. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  18. Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
  19. Scott Steiner vs Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Road Warrior Animal-Sin
  20.  Sable vs Tori-WrestleMania XV
  21. Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII
  22. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  23. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  24. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  25. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
  26. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
  27. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996 
  28. Kaitlyn vs Maxine-NXT (10/19/10)
  29. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
  30. John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
And up next in the Worst in the World...
Oh god, it's Ashley.
Thanks for reading. Be sure to share if you enjoyed.




A F*CKING BATTLE AXE!
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