My Thoughts on RAW (3/14/16): The Radical Mongoose Ruins Nothing

• The New Day vs Alberto Del Rio & Rusev for the Tag Team Championships-OH MY GOD! RAW IS STARTING WITH WRESTLING INSTEAD OF A 15 MINUTE PROMO! IT'S A MIRACLE! Well, actually...IT'S A NEW DAY, YES IT IS! Yes, we are actually kicking off the show with a match for the Tag Team Championships between the Big E & Xavier Woods and the two members of the League of Nations that didn't fight at Roadblock. Rusev and Big E kick off, with Rusev forcing Big E into the corner before the ref breaks it up. Rusev does that again before Big E takes control with a clothesline. Big E does his weird abdominal stretch with spanking (I still call it 50 Shades of Day) before the New Day does their Unicorn Stampede. It's just not the same without the trombone. The New Day continue to work over Rusev before Rusev hits an impressive dropkick. Del Rio tags in and works over Big E before he makes the tag to Woods. Woods runs wild until an enziguri from Del Rio floors him as we go to commercial. We come back with Woods in a bear hug from Rusev. Rusev works over Woods, hitting a big fallaway slam for a two. The League of Nations continue to work over Woods, with Del Rio countering Woods' offense with an armbar over the top rope. Woods dodges a flying nothing from Del Rio and hits a Shining Wizard, which allows him to make the tag. Big E runs wild on Rusev, hitting multiple belly-to-belly suplexs and his big splash. Rusev counters the Big Ending and hits a spinning heel kick for a two count. Big E blocks a powerbomb attempt and makes the tag to Woods, who hits a big DDT for a pin, but Del Rio breaks it up. Del Rio takes out Big E with a double stomp, and Woods takes out Del Rio before Rusev superkicks him for a two. Rusev is about to lock in an Accolade, but Kofi distracts him. After taking out Sheamus and Barrett, Kofi gets attacked by Rusev, which allows Woods to roll him up for the win. Pretty decent match. Afterwards, the League of Nations beat down the New Day, with Kofi eating a Bull Hammer, Big E getting Brogue Kicked, and Woods, who tries his hardest fight back, gets a double stomp from Del Rio and put in the Accolade. I'd say it was like an NWO beat down, but I really don't want to compare the League of Nations to the NWO. I kept expecting someone to come down and help the New Day, but no, it just goes to an add for Chrisley Knows Best.
• Out comes Dean Ambrose to address his loss two days ago. He says he was so close to becoming champion (which he actually was, and wasn't pulling a Roman Reigns post-WrestleMania 31), and how he pushed Triple H to the limit. Outcomes Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. Heyman says he's protecting Ambrose from Lesnar, but Ambrose says to let Lesnar at him. Heyman tells Ambrose to stop provoking Lesnar, or else he won't make it to WrestleMania, and he's the only one crazy enough to fight Lesnar in a Street Fight. Ambrose makes fun of Lesnar bouncing around, and tells Lesnar to bring it. Heyman hypes up the WrestleMania match, and leaves, but Lesnar doesn't follow and walks down to fight Ambrose. Ambrose, however, pulls out a crow bar, which stops Lesnar for a second. Lesnar circles the ring before teasing getting in, only to back off when Ambrose charges him. Great segment with two of the best talkers in the company
• Ryback vs Sin Cara-Since Ryback is supposed to challenge Kalisto for the United States Championship at WrestleMania, it's only fitting that he squashes his tag team partner. Oh, and Kalisto's title fell of when he was doing his entrance. It was prett funny. Ryback backs Sin Cara into the corner to start the match and takes control with a headlock. Ryback dominates the match until he misses a splash, but regains control with a back body drop. Ryback continues to muscle Sin Cara around the ring until he hits a jawbreaker. Sin Cara runs wild and makes Ryback fall out of the ring and hits a nice suicide dive. Ryback catches Sin Cara off a springboard and hits a Shell Shock, followed by another one after staring down Kalisto. Pretty nothing match. Ryback takes the mic and throws down the challenge for Kalisto at WrestleMania for the United States Championship.
• Outcomes Stephanie McMahon, who brings out Triple H. He talks about Roadblock, and how Dean Ambrose failed to win the WWE Championship. He says that everyone hopes someone will end the Authority. He says everyone has hope, but they all fail. He smack talks a fan, and keeps going on about how everyone just hopes, and people like Ambrose and Reigns (LOL) because they give them hope. Triple H guarantees that Reigns will fail at WrestleMania, and that brings out...Dolph Ziggler? Ummm...okay. Sure, why not? Stephanie calls him a failure because she's got to get one over on Ziggler. Ziggler says that he didn't want to hear anymore of Triple H telling people to know their place, and he says his place is in the ring. Stephanie buries him, and Ziggler goes off on her for constantly threatening to fire him, and he says he has nothing left to lose. He says he will never quit, no matter what, and him and Ambrose were screwed by the Authority. Stephanie is about to fire him, but Triple H says not too. He says the fans love Ziggler, because he's a loser and they relate to him, but says he doesn't have to be a loser. He basically asks Ziggler to side with the Authority, but Ziggler says no and calls Stephanie idiotic. Stephanie slaps Ziggler, and continues to sh*t talk him, and books him in a match against Triple H tonight on RAW, and if he wins, he can have any match he wants at WrestleMania, besides a World Title match. Wait, so we got both a match to open the show instead of a promo, AND a fresh match up. Is this even real life? And also, fantastic promo by Ziggler, this guy should be a main eventer.
• Sami Zayn vs The Miz-Kevin Owens is on commentary for this match, and says Zayn made a huge mistake coming up to RAW, and he doesn't deserve to be in the same ring as him. The match kicks off with Zayn hitting a few arm drags before faking a tope. Zayn goes outside and counters an Irish whip with a moonsault off the barricade as it goes to commercial. We come back with Miz in control, but Zayn slapping Miz and drop kicking him. Saxton brings up Zayn eliminating Owens from the Royal Rumble, so Owens threatens to eliminate him from commentary. Zayn almost rolls up Miz for the win, and runs wild after a corner clothesline from Miz. Zayn hits a crossbody for a two before tossing him for the ring and hitting a tope to the outside. Owens leaves commentary, but gets blindsided by Miz. Miz almost rolls up Zayn, but gets caught with a Helluva Kick for the win. Decent match, nothing special
• Backstage, the League of Nations get interviewed by Renee Young. They say they sent a message, and challenge The New Day at WrestleMania.
• Brie Bella & Alicia Fox vs  Naomi & Tamina-Before the match, out comes Lana. Naomi and Alicia start off, with Naomi taking control of the distraction. Naomi and Tamina work over Alicia until she breaks free and tags in Brie. Brie runs wild (as the crowd goes mild), hits her Daniel Bryan kicks, and hits a Bella Buster, but it gets broken up by Naomi. Lana distracts Brie and the referee, and that allows Tamina and Naomi to hit a Snapshot for the win. Alicia confronts Lana after the match, but eats a double superkick from Team B.A.D.
• Backstage, the Social Outcasts shill out Burger King grilled hot dogs, but run out of time for their segment. Nothing happens, but Adam Rose puts a Burger King crown on Curtis Axel's head and says "The Radical Mongoose ruins nothing" before leaving
• Backstage Paige is being interviewed by JoJo, but Lana interrupts and says Paige is weak and should stop hanging out with the "weak Americans" on Total Divas. Natalya's cool, though! Paige threatens Lana that she'll show her how to wrestle, but Naomi and Tamina warn her about making threats.
• Renee Young interviews Charlotte and Ric Flair, and asks her about her Divas Championship match at WrestleMania. She sh*t talks Sasha and Becky, before Ric says Charlotte said they were going to be great, but she was better. Charlotte requested time to talk on Thursday, because if have to have a Charlotte promo, it's best to do it where no one is watching
• The Usos vs Bo Dallas & Adam Rose-The Dudleyz are on commentary, who say the Usos use their family as a crutch. By the way, Bo's singlet just has "REJECT" stamped across it. The Usos squashed the Social Outcasts, ending with a splash on Bo. Pointless match.
• Backstage, Ambrose is confronted by Mick Foley. Foley says it's a bad idea to fight Lesnar, and asks him why he wants to fight Lesnar so bad. Foley gets his cheap pop, and Ambrose asks him why he kept going in his Hell in a Cell match against the Undertaker. Foley says it's because that's what he did, and Ambrose says it's the same. Foley gives Ambrose a gift, and calls it a "passing of the torch"...it's Barbie the barbed wire bat! Oh man, this match is going to be brutal.
• Dolph Ziggler vs Triple H-Triple H starts off the match with a headlock. The two go back and forth before Ziggler gets a headlock takedown. Triple H breaks the hold by going into the ropes, and the two go back and forth again, with Ziggler regaining control with and arm drag. Ziggler hits a shoulder tackle and a hip toss for a two and goes back to the headlock. Ziggler blocks another, but Triple H knees Ziggler and goes for a suplex. Ziggler flips out and almost gets two roll up wins, along with hitting a dropkick for a two. Triple H takes control of an elbow, and takes Ziggler to the outside and throws him into the barricade before the commercial. We come back with Triple H holding Ziggler in a headlock. Triple H hits a shoulder breaker for a two, and continues to work over Ziggler's left arm. Ziggler tries to fight back, but gets taken down with a high knee, kicking out at two. Triple H continues to work  over Ziggler, throwing him into the stairs outside the ring. Triple H throws Ziggler's left arm into stairs and rolls back in the ring for a count out win, but Ziggler makes it back in time. Triple H hits a suplex, but Ziggler gets his foot up and blocks a fist drop. Ziggler runs wild, hitting an elbow drop for a two. Ziggler goes for the ten punches in the corner, but Triple H blocks them. Triple H blocks a superkick, but Ziggler reverses the Pedigree into a roll up for a close two, and hits a Famouser for another close two. Ziggler hits a jumping DDT for another close two. Triple H hits a huge spinebuster, but can't make the cover in time. Triple H goes for a Pedigree, but Ziggler springs out and hits a Superkick for such a close two. Triple H rolls out of the ring, but Ziggler goes after him and rolls him back in the ring, but Triple H knocks him off the apron into the barricade. Ziggler barley beats the count and blocks another Pedigree, but gets his Zig Zag blocked, allowing Triple H to hit the Pedigree for the win. Great match, very intense, thought Ziggler could win at any moment. After the match, out comes...Roman Reigns. Roman beats down Triple H to a chorus of boos. The referees try to stop Reigns, so he shoves Charles Robinson. You know, like a great babyface always does. This beat down goes on forever. They go backstage, and Reigns attacks more innocent employees, and hits Triple H with a TV (which, despite being unplugged, still had picture) before a bunch of wrestlers stop him. So Roman Reigns beat up a bunch of innocent employees who were just doing their jobs. God, I wonder why people don't cheer this guy? F*ck Roman Reigns.
• And that's about it. Overall, a pretty solid...wait...why isn't Colony starting? That wasn't the main event? Huh...really felt like it, didn't it. Oh well, back to the show.
• They announce that Jacqueline will be going into the Hall of Fame
• Backstage, R-Truth is in a penguin costume. I'm not gonna lie, I tuned out the minute I saw that. I have no idea what happened in this segment
• Chris Jericho vs Neville-Jericho cuts a promo before the match, sh*t talking a kid before wondering how the fans could cheer for AJ Styles over him. He says Styles isn't as good as everyone says he is, and he is phenomenal, not AJ Styles. The two start the match by going back and forth, with Jericho rolling to the outside and flipping the stairs before yelling at the camera man as we go to commercial. We come back with Neville hitting hurricanrana for a two count. Neville hurt his knee, and Jericho shoves the ref to force a DQ. Jericho takes a mic and starts demeaning the crowd. He says they treat him like trash. He tells the crowd to chant for AJ Styles, and out comes Styles. The two brawl, with Styles hitting his springboard forearm.
• In our main event, Vince McMahon comes out. He says that Shane wanting to run RAW is just a dream, and that he will still be running RAW the night after WrestleMania. Vince is glad Shane will become a shell of a man after WrestleMania, and how he won't have to do it himself. Outcomes the Undertaker. Vince tells him to never put his hands on him again, before immediately apologizing for bringing it up. He knows that Undertaker will not mind destroying Shane at WrestleMania, and that it's best for business. That brings out Shane says Vince is not what's best for business, and says he's not going to give up against the Undertaker, but Undertaker says that won't be enough. Shane says Vince is pulling Undertaker's strings, but Undertaker says no one controls him. Shane calls him Vince's bitch, and that starts the fight. Shane tries to fight Taker, but Vince pushes him into a chokeslam. Taker goes after Vince, but he runs off as the show ends with Undertaker standing tall.

And that's about it. Alright show, not a lot good matches, unfortunatley. Also, hope Neville isn't too hurt. And finally, I hope WWE knows what they've gotten themselves into, because except for those two girls going crazy over Reigns tonight, this guy is not over with the fans, and certainly not enough to be the face of the company.

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