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My Thoughts on SmackDown (8/16/16): Everything is Neon


  • Before the show, Randy Orton signs the contract for his match with Brock Lesnar at SummerSlam with Shane McMahon & Daniel Bryan. Incomes Heath Slater with a fruit basket. Amazingly, he tosses Orton an apple and it lands perfectly on his folded arms. He asks for another contract, but Bryan & Shane say no because Slater insulted them last week. Orton then says he has an idea before the opening segment plays
  • We kick off the show with MizTV. Miz is interrupted by Dean Ambrose. Ambrose is then interrupted by Dolph Ziggler, and the two go face to face before being broken up by Miz. Miz rags on Ziggler, saying that he has fizzled out over the years, but says he's on a career resurgence. He wonders what happens if Ziggler loses at SummerSlam, but Ziggler says he's not worried about what happens after and he's only focused on SummerSlam. Ambrose says he doesn't believe Ziggler has turned a corner and he's still the same Ziggler. Ziggler says Ambrose is right and says Ambrose was the guy who pushed him over the edge. Ambrose says nothing will get easier for Ziggler if he wins, it will just get harder. Ambrose says that the only thing Ziggler will prove is that he's never wanted success bad enough, and he'll never get it. Ziggler says Ambrose doesn't know anything about him and that Ambrose will have to push himself to the limit, but it won't be enough to beat him. Ziggler gets so fired up he surprise superkicks Ambrose and says he'll prove at SummerSlam he is that damn good, earning him a few boos.
  • During the commercial break. Miz cuts a promo slamming Apollo Crews, which brings out Crews. Miz keeps calling him Apollo Creed (who is he, Daniel Bryan?), so Crews hits him with a spin-out powerbomb.
  • The Usos, American Alpha, and the Hype Bros vs The Vaudevillians, The Ascension, and Breezango-Here's the entire tag team division. The heels start by taking control on Gable, but Mojo Rawley quickly tags in and runs wild on Viktor. Rawley & Zack Ryder try for the Hype Ryder, a Rough Ryder/spinebuster combo, but Konnor saves his teammate. All the teams get in the ring and brawl before the commercial break. We come back just as Jey Uso gets the hot tag and runs wild on Aiden English. He hits the running hip attack in the corner, allowing Jason Jordan to make a blind tag and hit a belly-to-belly, but Konnor breaks up the pin attempt. Everyone gets their spots in before one of the Usos hit a dive to the outside. American Alpha hit Grand Amplitude on English back in the ring for the win.
  • Naomi vs Eva Marie-Naomi's got a brand new gimmick, she's a raver...I think. Also, she's handing out little glowing wristbands, so she got the DX 2009 gimmick as well. Everything is neon during her entrance and now my eyes hurt. 
I think this is what it looks like when you're on acid. Eva's voice over comes on and announces that Eva's spectacular debut...has been delayed due to traffic.
  • Backstage, Alberto Del Rio is warming up when AJ Styles comes over. He says he was glad to see Del Rio come back last year. Del Rio tells him to stop living in the past, so Styles brings up that Del Rio isn't even on the SummerSlam card.
  • Randy Orton vs Heath Slater-Orton beats the piss out of Slater, including really laying in those Garvin Stomps. Orton batters Slater too much in the corner and gets disqualified. Why is he so mean to Slater? He gave him an apple! Post-match, Orton throws Slater over the announce table, hits a draping DDT on the floor. Back in the ring, Orton mocks Lesnar with two German suplexes and mimicking Lesnar's bouncing. Orton finishes Slater off with an RKO.
  • Backstage, Slater is getting checked out by the trainer when Shane & Bryan congratulate him. Since Orton got DQ'd, Slater won and is now on SmackDown. However, Slater was beaten silly and thinks he's talking to Mick Foley & Stephanie McMahon. He accidentally insults Bryan after Shane gives him the contract to sign. However, for no reason whatsoever, Shane takes the contract back before Slater can sign and him & Bryan leave. Why? Slater won, he should get his contract. He didn't even insult Shane, so why did Shane go into full dick mode. Made no sense. Who was the babyface, here?
  • Erick Rowan vs Dean Ambrose-A quick back and forth exchange kicks off the match before Ambrose dropkicks Rowan out of the ring and hits a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Rowan hits a powerslam and Ambrose rolls to the outside. Rowan tosses Ambrose around ringside before rolling him back in the ring and getting a near fall. Rowan beats Ambrose around the ring before Ambrose low bridges and makes Rowan fall out of the ring. Ambrose avoids a big boot and fights back, hitting a big side suplex and a diving elbow. Rowan comes back with a spinning heel kick for a near fall and goes for the side slam, but Ambrose counters and hits the rebound lariat. Ambrose then hits Dirty Deeds for the win. Fine match, nothing special. Post-match, Bray Wyatt walks away from Erick Rowan.
  • Carmella & Becky Lynch vs Natalya & Alexa Bliss-Carmella & Natalya start with the two going back and before Carmella hits tilt-a-whirl headscissors. Natalya responds with the Nattie By Nature clothesline, and the heels go to work on Carmella. Carmella is able to tag in Becky Lynch and she runs wild on Natalya, hitting the Bex-Ploder suplex for a near fall. After a fairly sh*t double crossbody spot, Eva Marie's music hits. She poses at the entrance way before Naomi comes out. Eva runs away and Naomi chases her into the ring. Natalya tosses Naomi from the ring, which allows Becky to lock in the Dis-Arm-Her for the win. 
  • Backstage, Baron Corbin is beating up Kalisto again. You know, it looked a lot like this other segment a long time ago...
Oh god...
  • Alberto Del Rio vs John Cena with AJ Styles on commentary-The two go back and forth to start the match before Cena arm drags Del Rio, who rolls out of the ring and actually hops over the barricade before the commercial break. We come back to see Del Rio hit a top rope punch. Del Rio works over Cena until Cena is able to dodge Del Rio and send him to the outside. He goes for the AA back in the ring, but Del Rio escapes and hits a German suplex for a near fall. Del Rio goes back to work on Cena before Cena dodges a big boot. Del Rio avoids a charging Cena, causing Cena to slam into the corner. Del Rio works on Cena again getting multiple near falls along the way before the commercial break. We come back to see Cena counter a flying nothing with a dropkick and runs wild, hitting the Five Knuckle Shuffle. He goes for the AA again, but Del Rio avoids it again and hits a backstabber for a near fall. Cena catches a superkick attempt, but Del Rio avoids the STF and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a near fall. Cena floors Del Rio with a clothesline and goes to the top rope, but Del Rio springs up and catches him with a step-up enziguri for another near fall. Someone should start keeping track of how many near falls Cena's opponent gets compared to him in one match. Del Rio goes for the Cross Armbreaker, but Cena reverses it and locks in the STF. Del Rio makes it to the ropes and hits two kicks for another near fall. Del Rio avoids the AA for a third time and locks in the Cross Armbreaker, but Cena powers out and powerbombs Del Rio with the armbar locked in. Cena hits the AA for the win. Fine match, but a bit boring. After the match, Styles leaves the commentary table and hits the Phenomenal Forearm on Cena. He takes the mic and says he's tired of hearing that the future goes through John Cena. He says that when he beats Cena at SummerSlam, then he'll be the face that runs the place. Styles picks him up to hit the Styles Clash, but Cena springs up and hits the AA. Cena goes to the outside and tears apart the announce table. He drags the steps over to the announce table, picks up Styles, walks up the stairs and AA's Styles onto the announce table. Cena stands tall to close the show.
And that's about it. Overall, a pretty decent show. The matches that got a good amount of time were fine and Eva Marie is always great nowadays. My complaints go towards the 12-man tag match, the women's match being a bit of a clusterf*ck, and Shane McMahon being a dick for no reason. I'd say that SmackDown & RAW were pretty much the same in terms of quality this week.
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