I Watched Impact Wrestling...

Yep...I did it. Now, that I've got Playstation Vue (not sponsored...but could be sponsored) and I get Pop TV, I might as well start reviewing Impact Wrestling...that was a mistake. It was so bad. Let's just get into this.

• Crazzy Steve & Rosemary with Abyss vs Moose & Brandi Rhodes-Brandi & Rosemary start off, but Crazy Steve quickly tags in. Moose gets in, but a distraction from Rosemary allows Steve to get some offense, but Moose quickly takes control with a shoulder tackle. Moose continues to control the match until Steve leaves the ring. Moose follows him out but gets clotheslined by Abyss. Steve then hits a cannonball into the stairs before rolling Moose back in the ring. Steve starts chopping Moose before Moose turns the tables and starts chopping Steve. Abyss trips up Moose, allowing Steve to hit two knee strikes and a dropkick. Moose schoolboys Steve before lifting him up and powerbombs him to the outside onto Abyss. That was actually pretty sweet. However, Abyss doesn't even attempt to catch Steve at all, instead just kind of Rosemary hops onto Moose's back, but Brandi gets her off and runs wild on her before hitting a second rope dropkick. The babyfaces jab away at Decay before hitting simultaneous discuss clotheslines. Moose covers Steve for the win. That was...a match.
• Eddie Edwards arrives the show taping up his wrists. He pushes the camera out of the way, saying he's here to kick Davey Richards' ass.
• Backstage, Brandi thanks Moose for teaming with her tonight.
• Eddie Edwards comes down to the ring. He says here to beat Davey Richards' ass and that Richards turning on him & and having Angelina Love attack his wife last week was a low point in his life. He calls out Richards, but Angelina Love comes out instead. She says Edwards will get Richards when she says he does and puts him on blast for not being there for Richards when he was hurt and Love was pregnant. She brings out Richards and Edwards demands he tell him why he did what he did. Richards says he carried Edwards for years as a team and Edwards was the one who turned his back on him, not the other way around. He tells Edwards to walk away, but Edwards runs at him. The two brawl until they are broken up by security. Edwards takes a mic and challenges him to a street fight tonight.
• Michael Bennett holds a bachelor party for a reluctant Braxton Sutter, who is marrying Laurel Van Ness...I guess. He introduces Braxton to a couple of people at the party.
• Now it's Laurel Van Ness' bachelorette party. Maria gives Allie sh*t over her decorations before revealing that Laurel is marrying Sutter next week, much to Allie's dismay.
• Down in Tijuana, Mexico, the Broken Hardys arrive at a show to challenge the Tag Team Champions
• Kingston vs Jessie Godderz-The two trade strikes before Godderz hits a dropkick for a near fall. Kingston hits a belly-to-belly suplex for a near fall before working over Godderz. Kingston locks in a bearhug, but Godderz escapes and runs wild, hitting a blockbuster for a near fall. Godderz hits a side suplex that almost sends Kingston out of the ring, and Kingston yanks his head down onto the ropes before hitting an STO for a near fall. Kingston goes for a back fist, but Godderz dodges it and goes for the Adonis Crab, but Kingston escapes it. Eventually, Jessie Godderz hits a springboard...something...and gets the win. I honest to God think that Godderz actually won this match off a flying nothing. He just kind of dove at Kingston, did nothing, and Kingston was done for. After the match, James Storm & Bram come down to the ring, but Godderz escapes unharmed.
• Back to Braxton Sutter's bachelor party, where a stoner tries to give him drugs. Sutter tries to leave, but Bennett won't let him. Bennett's fat friend then jumps on the stoner. What even is this show?
• Back to Laurel Van Ness' party, where nothing is happening.
• It's the Fact of Life, hosted by...not Eli Drake. Instead, it's hosted by Tyrus. He brings out Eli Drake, who has his arm in a sling. Drake immediately takes it off and says his arm is fine before blasting Tyrus for accepting a 2-on-3 handicap match against the DCC without consulting him. He says he pays Tyrus to be his heavy and that he's the star of the duo. Tyrus grabs him and says nobody owns him. He says he'll see him in the ring next week. Eli Drake is actually a pretty good promo.
• Back in Mexico, the owner of the promotion meets with the Hardys...Konnan. Matt says they want the Mexican Tag Team Champions of the world. Since they aren't asking for money, Konnan agrees and books them against the tag champs...Psicosis & Super Crazy.
• Back to Laurel's party. Maria gets mad at Allie for not getting Laurel a gift and then shoves a cupcake in her face
• They show highlights from the Hardys vs Super Crazy & Psicosis while a bunch of women fawn over Vanguard 1. The Hardys win after Jeff hits the Swanton Bomb on Psicosis. They then teleport back to Hardy Compound before Matt has a premonition. Next week they try to become the Mid-Atlantic Tag Team Champions or whatever.
• In a vignette, Brooke says she doesn't respect Sienna and she'll shut up Maria tonight.
• Sienna with Maria vs Brooke-Brooke chases after Maria before the match, but Sienna cuts her off. Maria distracts Brooke by grabbing her ankle when she tries to get in the ring, allowing Sienna to hit a big boot. Brooke starts to take control, hitting a dropkick and tilt-a-whirl headscissors until Sienna hits a cradle fisherman suplex for a near fall. Brooke hits a backbreaker, but Sienna responds with a wheelbarrow suplex. Sienna beats down Brooke until Brooke hits a facebuster. Maria hops up on the apron to distract Brooke, allowing Sienna to hit a fallaway slam, followed by another one. Sienna goes for the AK-47 (a Yokosuka Cutter), but Brooke escapes and rolls up Sienna for the win. Again, just a match. Nothing worth watching.
• Back to Sutter. He tries to leave again, but Bennett says no. One of the guests suggests watching a porno, which is just the movie "Bad Teacher" with three Xs crudely taped onto it. I can't tell if they did that as a joke or they were actually trying to pass that off as real. If it's the latter...that's just sad. Bennett opens the door for a stripper, but she was gross, so he closes the door and asks for the movie.
• Eli Drake is backstage and says Tyrus will regret putting his hands on him and next week, he'll take him out of action. He then chases after the camera man.
• Lashley's out for a promo. He says some stuff before former UFC Heavyweight Champion Josh Barnett comes out. He says he is disappointed in Lashley and challenges him to a match for the title. Lashley tells him not to do this, so Barnett tries to put him in an armbar. Lashley warns him, but Barnett challenges him again. Lashley agrees and says he'll beat him.
• Back to Sutter's party, where Sutter is the only one awake. He steals Bennett's phone and takes a picture of the stripper laying in Bennett's lap before sending it to Maria. He then calls Maria before leaving the phone with Bennett.
• Eddie Edwards vs Davey Richards with Angelina Love in a Street Fight-Before the match, Love says Edwards has a death wish before Richards jumps out from the crowd and attacks Edwards. The two fight on the outside until Richards dodges a chop by Edwards, causing him to chop the ring post. Love slides a chair in the ring before an abrupt commercial break. We come back to see Richards bashing Edwards hand against the turnbuckle with a chair. Richards continues to beat down Edwards pops up and takes the fight to Richards. Edwards sends Richards out of the ring and does a suicide dive, diving into the crowd in the process. Edwards grabs a chair, but Love gets in the ring with a chair of her own. Edwards puts down the chair, which allows Richards to grab it and hit Edwards with it. Richards tries to hit Edwards again, but Edwards' wife Alisha runs down and stops him. Love takes out Alisha and handcuffs Alisha to the ropes. Richards hands Love the chair and tries to hit Alisha, but Edwards crawls over her to protect her. Richards takes the chair and batters Edwards with the chair before Love sets the second one over his head. Richards bashes the chair down before Love kicks the referee in the dick for no reason. Richards puts his foot on the chest of Edwards and Love counts the pin.

Never again. This was so bad. The wrestling was mostly fine, but everything else was just bad. The Hardy stuff did nothing for me and both the parties were unbelievably boring. Don't expect another one of these reviews anytime soon.