- We kick off the show with Stephanie McMahon...boo. She says she's given Mick Foley the week off. She is quickly interrupted by Roman Reigns...boo. He says he wants to fight Braun Strowman right now, so Stephanie asks the fans if they want to see Reigns vs Strowman tonight. The fans obviously say yes, which Stephanie uses to show that the fans want to see him get the piss beat out of him. Stephanie says Reigns won't face Strowman until Fastlane before announcing that Strowman will already be facing Mark Henry tonight. Reigns says he'll come out and watch the match up close, but Stephanie threatens to cancel his match and keep him off the WrestleMania card if he touches Strowman. They are interrupted by Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson, who say that Reigns is disrespecting Stephanie. They challenge Reigns to a handicap match, which Stephanie books in honor of the newest member of the WWE Hall of Fame...Teddy Long. Ah yes, because that's what Teddy Long was famous for...booking handicap matches. Not tag matches, handicap matches. His habit for booking handicap matches is almost as famous as his catchphrase "Now hold on a second, homies". And who could forget how he'd always book people to go one-on-one with the Big Show. What I'm getting at is NO, THAT IS NOT WHAT TEDDY LONG IS FAMOUS FOR, STEPHANIE! YOU STUPID IDIOT! I'm sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, Reigns brawls with Gallows & Anderson before the commercial break.
- Roman Reigns vs Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson-That match starts during the commercial break. Gallows & Anderson hit a belly-to-back suplex/neckbreaker combo for a near fall. Reigns is able to mount some offense and runs wild on Anderson, clotheslining him to death before hitting a big boot. Reigns calls for the Superman Punch, but Gallows distracts him, allowing Anderson to get a near fall off a roll up. Reigns hits the Superman Punch, but Gallows rushes him before he can hit a spear. Gallows & Anderson double team Reigns until they are DQ'd. Fun fact: Since becoming Tag Team Champions, Gallows & Anderson are 1-2, and the win was from a DQ. I'm sorry, that wasn't fun, that was just sad. Gallows & Anderson go for the Magic Killer, but Reigns fights out, Superman Punches Gallows, and boots Anderson, who was trying to attack Reigns with a chair, in the face.
- Kofi Kingston with Big E & Xavier Woods vs Bo Dallas-Before the match, Kofi mocks Bo for being alone (a "social outcast", if you will...Kofi's joke, not mine) before Woods says they have plans for a New Day "ice cream machine", which they plan to share after Kofi beats Bo. Man...they're really out of ideas for the New Day, aren't they? The whole match, the crowd chants "We Want Ice Cream". Kofi dropkicks Bo out of the ring as the New Day dances while chanting for ice cream. Bo starts to dance to, but that's just so he can steal the plans (which Big E was carrying in a folder) and rip them up. This prompts Kofi to dive onto him and mourn the ice cream machine plans. Back in the ring, Bo takes advantage and hits a rope hung whiplash neckbreaker for a near fall, but Kofi quickly wins with the SOS for the win. Afterward, the New Day pours Booty-Os in Bo's mouth.
- Charly Caruso interviews Neville. He says he'll beat Jack Gallagher in record time at Fastlane and says he doesn't pose a threat to him. Gallagher walks up, so Neville tells him he's not on his level. Gallagher says people don't like Neville because he's a "bloody pillock". And to save you the few seconds you'd spend Googling it:
- Noam Dar with Alicia Fox vs Jack Gallagher-The two go back and forth to start before Dar kicks Gallagher's leg out from under him. Dar beats down on Gallagher, targeting the left leg to set up for the kneebar. Gallagher fights back and does a body scissor takedown followed by two dropkicks and a big headbutt. Gallagher finishes Dar off with a running dropkick in the corner for the win. After the match, Neville comes out and stares down Gallagher from the stage.
- Triple H & Samoa Joe pull up in a limo. It looked badass and that's the only reason I'm bringing it up.
- FINALLY! EMMALINA! Emmalina says we've waited seventeen weeks for the premiere of Emmalina. It feels like it's been seventeen years. She then says we will now see the makeover of "Emmalina"...to Emma, then leaves...ARE YOU F*CKING SERIOUS! YOU HYPED THIS SH*T FOR FOUR F*CKING MONTHS AND YOU GIVE US THAT! F*CK OFF! F*CK RIGHT OFF WITH THAT BULLSH*T!
- So Charly Caruso interviews no I'm not done F*CK RIGHT THE F*CK OFF WITH THAT NONSENSE! OK, I'm good now.
- Anyway, Charly Caruso interviews Bayley. She says she's nervous about her Women's Championship match tonight, but she's ready for it.
- Backstage, Kevin Owens & Chris Jericho are talking about the Festival of Friendship when Triple H walks up. He asks to talk to Owens alone, so he & Owens walk off.
- Braun Strowman vs Mark Henry-The two lock up, but are too evenly matched strength-wise. The two trade blows before Strowman floors Henry with a clothesline. Strowman beats down Henry until Henry blocks a punch from Strowman. Henry hits two corner splashes before going for the World's Strongest Slam, but he collapses under Strowman's weight. Strowman hits a big dropkick before hitting a powerslam for the win. Pretty boring match, nothing worth watching. Immediately after the match, Roman Reigns comes out and goes after Strowman. The two have a fight, ending with Strowman catching Reigns on a spear attempt and hitting a running powerslam.'
- Backstage, Cesaro & Sheamus are teaching Bayley how to punch before Enzo Amore & Big Cass walk up. Sheamus gets pissed at them for costing them their Tag Team Championship match last week, but Cass justifies it because Gallows hit Enzo first. Enzo tells Sheamus & Cesaro to do something about it, so Sheamus & Cesaro get in his face. Cass then stands in the way and stares down Sheamus & Cesaro while Enzo talks smack from behind him. How is Enzo Amore still a babyface? Seriously, think of everything he's done for the last like two or three months. He's pursued a married woman, then slut-shamed her on RAW, and then made fun of a team for losing a championship match because of him? Nothing about any of those things makes me think "Hey, this guy is likable!"
- Michael Cole interviews Samoa Joe. He says what he did to Seth Rollins was dishonorable, but he doesn't care because it was for a greater purpose. Joe says Triple H doesn't need to justify why he brought him up and the only reason he wasn't in WWE for the past 18 years is because they were scared to hire him. Joe gets annoyed at Cole for talking about Triple H more than about him, so Cole changes the subject to his debut next week. Joe says he hasn't beaten everyone in his way for 18 years and Roman Reigns was no different. He says he's on RAW to make a statement and nobody can stand toe-to-toe with him. Cole mentions Triple H again and all the people who have been chosen by him like Seth Rollins, but Joe says he's different because unlike them, he doesn't need to be propped up by Triple H. He then threatens anyone who wants to get in his way before walking off.
- Sami Zayn vs Rusev with Lana-The two feel eachother out to start before Zayn barely dodges a roundhouse kick. Rusev takes Zayn down to the mat and works him over, but Zayn is able to fight back to feet and hits a pop-up dropkick that sends Rusev out of the ring. Zayn follows up with a somersault tope. Zayn throws Rusev back in the ring, but Rusev catches him with a superkick when Zayn tries to hit a springboard move before the commercial break. We come back to see Rusev give Zayn a forearm to the back. Rusev locks in a bearhug, but Zayn fights out, only for Rusev to catch him on a crossbody attempt and hit a fallaway slam. Rusev sets Zayn up on the top rope, but Zayn knocks him down, but Rusev gives him a roundhouse kick for a near fall. Rusev beats down Zayn in the corner until Zayn dodges a charging Rusev, who falls over the top rope and out of the ring. Rusev keeps control on the outside, but Zayn hits a Helluva Kick out of nowhere when Rusev gets back in the ring for the win. Pretty good match. After the match, Charly Caruso interviews Zayn. He says he got a huge win tonight and he won't stay down. He then calls out Samoa Joe for his jab at him during his interview and says Joe sold out. He gets interrupted by Joe's music, but Joe comes out from behind and blindsides Zayn on the stage. Joe beats down Zayn, throws him into the minitron, and locks in the Coquina Clutch. Zayn chokes out Joe.
- As Stephanie McMahon said earlier, handicap match enthusiast Teddy Long is going into the WWE Hall of Fame.
- Akira Tozawa vs Ariya Daivari-Brian Kendrick is on commentary for this match. The whole crowd chants "AH" for Tozawa. The two trade chops before Tozawa fakes a chop and slaps Daivari. Tozawa hits a senton and charges at Daivari in the corner, but Daivari sends him into the turnbuckle face first before clotheslining him. Daivari beats down Tozawa before locking in a sleeper hold, but Tozawa breaks out and hits a headscissor takedown. Tozawa sends Daivari out of the ring before hitting a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Tozawa hits a spin kick and one of the nicest & fastest German suplexes I've ever seen for the win. Tozawa is great.
- It's time for the Festival of Friendship! It even got pyro! A bunch of Vegas showgirls come out before Chris Jericho comes out before introducing a rather unenthusiastic Kevin Owens. The showgirls accompany Jericho to the ring. Jericho reveals a piece of "minimalist-maximalist" art that cost $7,000. He then unveils the "Creation of Kevin", which is the Creation of Adam but with Owens & himself. Jericho says he wants Owens to hang it in his house, but he can't because he has kids. Also, Jericho isn't wearing pants in the picture. He then brings out a magician who pulls streamers out of his mouth before turning a piece of paper into a flower by lighting it on fire. Owens says the magician sucks because his nine-year-old son can do that. Jericho then turns on the magician, puts him on the list, and makes him leave. Jericho then calls out Goldberg to come out to the ring, and Jericho says that when Goldberg comes out, he's going to get...goes to commercial break...IT! That's incredible. And out comes...GILLBERG! Owens rushes Gillberg and throws him into the ring apron. Owens yells at Jericho and says he doesn't understand why Jericho did this if it wasn't just to beat up Goldberg. Jericho says he did to show Owens how much he means to him. He then says he'll make sure Owens wins at Fastlane because he always has his back. Owens apologizes for blowing up at him and they hug it out. Owens then gives him a present...the List of KO...and Jericho's on the list. Owens attacks Jericho and destroys the Creation of Kevin. Owens powerbombs Jericho into the apron before throwing him into the big screen in the ring. My heart. It hurts. In fact, I suggest listening to this song for the remainder of this review in order to feel what I felt watching it.
- Enzo Amore with Big Cass vs Cesaro with Sheamus-I didn't pay attention to whatever Enzo & Cass said because everything is just darkness now. Cesaro uppercuts Enzo before hitting a gut wrench suplex before throwing him out of the ring. Enzo goes for a sunset flip, but Cesaro blocks it and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker followed by a double stomp. Cesaro hits two corner uppercuts before Enzo blocks the third one and hits the DDG. Enzo goes for a suicide dive, but Cesaro gets back in the ring and hits a Very European Uppercut for the win. Whatever, nothing is good right now.
- I need to talk about these Black History Month vignettes. You know, where all the black wrestlers talk about influential black people throughout history, clearly reading lines that sound like they're directly from Wikipedia. I can't for when they talk about Martin Luther King Jr. so Alica Fox can be like "Martin Luther King Jr., the American Baptist minister and activist who was a leader in the Civil Rights Movement." followed by Apollo Crews being like "Yeah, he is best known for his role in the advancement of civil rights using nonviolent civil disobedience based on his Christian beliefs."
- Backstage, Charlotte walks into Sasha Banks and says she is depressing because of how far Sasha has fallen. Sasha says she'll beat her again anytime, any place. Sasha isn't the only thing that's depressing on this show.
- Charlotte Flair (c) vs Bayley-RAW Women's Championship-I could use a hug right now. Charlotte takes control with a wristlock, cutting off any attempts by Bayley to mount some offense. Charlotte gets a near fall of a roll up before locking in a wristlock of her own. Charlotte leaves the ring before the commercial break. We come back to see Bayley no sell some headshots in the corner before ramming Charlotte's head into the turnbuckle. Bayley hits a springboard crossbody for a near fall, but Charlotte comes back and throws Bayley into the turnbuckle with a school boy, causing her to hit her neck. Charlotte works over Bayley with a sleeper before hitting a backbreaker followed by a neckbreaker, which she holds onto for a submission hold before hitting another backbreaker. Charlotte continues to work over with a dragon sleeper, which Bayley reverses and locks in one of her own before booting Charlotte back into the corner. Bayley is able to avoid a charging Charlotte in the corner but gets booted off the ring apron to the outside. Charlotte hits a moonsault off the barricade to a standing Bayley before rolling her back in the ring for a near fall. The two trade blows back in the ring until they both go down off a double crossbody. Bayley runs wild on Charlotte, hitting a scoop suplex and a diving back elbow for a near fall. Bayley hits a jawbreaker through the ropes followed by a side suplex before going to the top rope for an elbow drop for a near fall. Charlotte goes to the top rope, but Bayley meets her there and hits a Super Frankensteiner for a near fall. Bayley calls for the Belly to Bayley, but Dana Brooke distracts her long enough for Charlotte to almost get a roll up win. Bayley kicks out and locks in the Figure Four, but Brooke rakes her eyes behind the referees back, forcing her to break the hold. Charlotte locks in the Figure Eight, but Sasha Banks runs down, hits Dana Brooke with her crutch before hitting Charlotte without the referee seeing. Bayley gets up and hits the Belly to Bayley for the win. Great match, a great way to close the show. But me being cynical, I'm assuming Charlotte will just win the title back at Fastlane.
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