My Thoughts on RAW (3/13/17): The Resurrection of Brock Lesnar

• We kick off the show with Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman. Heyman says that at WrestleMania, Lesnar will take Goldberg down before the Goldberg chants start. Heyman says that Goldberg isn't here tonight, but Lesnar very much is so they need to pay attention. Heyman admits that the last few months that Goldberg has gotten the better of him every time they've faced off, but it will be the greatest championship resurrection of all time when Lesnar ends the resurrection of Goldberg.
• Backstage, Mick Foley & Stephanie McMahon talk about how tense things are between them. Stephanie basically says that it's her fault Foley is bad at his job and she wants to help him. Stephanie then tells Foley that he has to fire one person by the end of the night. If it's not Jinder Mahal, then it's 100% kayfabe.
• Sasha Banks with Bayley vs Dana Brooke with Charlotte-Dana beats down Sasha in the corner before throwing her back into it. Sasha gets a near fall off of double knees to the face before avoiding Dana's Samoan Drop and rolling her up for the win. Charlotte takes the mic and calls Dana a disgrace and won't ride her coat tails to WrestleMania. Dana attacks Charlotte and beats her up around the ringside. It reminded me a lot of when Alex Riley finally attacked the Miz. And we all know how that turned out for Alex Riley.
• Eric LeGrand, a motivational speaker and former college football player who was paralyzed during a game, will be receiving the Warrior Award this year.
• TJ Perkins & Akira Tozawa vs Brian Kendrick & Tony Nese-With Austin Aries now part of the roster, we, unfortunately, don't get him on commentary anymore. Now, we get Byron Saxton...whoopie. Tozawa prepares to start against Kendrick, only for Nese to blindside him. Kendrick then quickly tags in, only to take a punch, a hurricanrana, an elbow to the outside, and a suicide dive. Nese walks over to Kendrick, only to take a hurricanrana from Perkins before the commercial break. We come back to see Kendrick working over Tozawa. The heels work over Tozawa until flips out of a back suplex attempt and tags in Perkins. Perkins runs wild on Nese, hitting a wheelbarrow bulldog, but Kendrick breaks up the fall. Tozawa & Kendrick get sent out of the ring before Nese hits a clothesline for a near fall. Perkins hits a springboard DDT, but Kendrick breaks up the fall again. Perkins goes for the Detonation Kick, but Kendrick pulls him out of hit. Tozawa kicks Kendrick off the ring apron, but Nese shoves Perkins into Tozawa and rolls him up for the win. Pretty good match.
• Charly Caruso interviews Gallows & Anderson. Anderson says they should be getting more attention then Enzo & Cass and Sheamus & Cesaro and that they belong in the spotlight of the tag team division. And if they aren't going to be given it, they're going to take it.
• Before his match tonight, Owens stands in the ring with a single spotlight on him. He says he put the spotlight back where it belongs. They re-show the Festival of Friendship again because this company hates me and wants me to be sad. Thanks a-holes, I finally got over that. He says he was never Chris Jericho's best friend and that Jericho only wanted his spotlight. He says he did what any other person would have done; stab Jericho in the back before Jericho stabbed him in the back. He says Jericho won't be getting his payback at WrestleMania, he'll be getting payback by taking the United States Championship away from Jericho. He says the only thing that will be left are the Tears of Jericho...cry it out, man. He then says that you don't need best friends...when you have a destroyer.
• Kevin Owens & Samoa Joe vs Sami Zayn & Chris Jericho-Jericho prepares to start against Owens, only for Owens to quickly tag out. Jericho dropkicks Joe, but Joe comes back with an atomic drop and a big boot for a near fall. Jericho comes back with a missile dropkick for a near fall before Zayn tags in. Zayn takes Joe down with headscissors before Joe comes back with an enziguri in the corner. Owens tags in and stomps Zayn to death, mocking Jericho while pinning him. Owens superkicks Jericho and tags in Joe, but Zayn fights them off and hits a somersault tope on both Owens & Joe, hurting his knee in the process. Back in the ring, Zayn takes the fight to Joe, only for Owens to take out his knee with a chop block. The two beat down Zayn enough to cause a DQ before Joe locks Zayn in the Coquina Clutch. Jericho makes the save and tries to lock in the Walls of Jericho on Owens, but Joe stops him. The two beat down Jericho before Owens hits the Pop-Up Powerbomb on him.
• Backstage, Foley & Stephanie talk about who Foley is going to fire. Stephanie suggests Sami Zayn before Nia Jax shows up. She says it's unfair that Sasha Banks gets to be in the title match at WrestleMania, so Stephanie decides to give her a match with Bayley tonight.
• Backstage, Jinder Mahal complains that he doesn't want to get fired and suggest Rusev get fired instead. Foley tells him he's facing Roman Reigns tonight.
• The New Day have a talk show backstage. They bring out the Big Show. They ask him questions but keep cutting him off. They shill out the WWE/Jetsons crossover movie before Titus O'Neil shows up. Titus then shoves Big Show.
• Enzo Amore & Big Cass vs Cesaro & Sheamus-#1 Contendership for the Tag Team Championships-Cesaro dropkicks Cass to start, but Cass comes back with a sidewalk slam for a near fall. Sheamus tags in and he & Cass go back and forth before Cass bodyslams Sheamus. Cass slams Enzo on top of Sheamus for a near fall before the commercial break. We come back to see Cesaro clothesline Enzo for a near fall. Cesaro & Sheamus work over Enzo until Enzo catches Cesaro with a dropkick. Cass gets the hot tag and runs wild, hitting two fallaway slams and two Stinger Splashes, but doesn't see a blind tag by Sheamus. Sheamus hits a top rope shoulder tackle before being back body dropped onto the apron. Cass boots Sheamus off before Gallows & Anderson show up and cause a DQ. They beat the piss out of everyone.
• Backstage, Foley confronts Gallows & Anderson. They say they made sure there were no winners tonight, but Foley says that because of what they did tonight, they have to defend their titles in a triple threat tag match at WrestleMania.
• Roman Reigns vs Jinder Mahal-How has Jinder Mahal not gotten a Wellness Policy Violation yet? Just look at the guy!
  
  He's standing still and he looks like he's about to explode. The two lock up and this match has already lasted longer than I thought it would. Reigns starts clotheslining Mahal in the corner before GONG! The lights flicker, but it's just a distraction. Mahal takes the opportunity to knee Reigns in the face. Mahal takes control until Reigns hits a big punch before hitting the Superman Punch for the win. Reigns takes to the mic and says he's not messing around tonight. Instead of the Undertaker coming out, Shawn Michaels comes out. He says Taker will eat him alive if he's not ready, but Reigns says the Undertaker needs to be ready for him. Michaels says he knows what it's like to carry the company on his shoulders, but Reigns says that the Undertaker retired him, and he'll be the one to retire the Undertaker. Reigns walks up the ramp, only to be murked by Braun Strowman
• Backstage, Stephanie gushes over what Strowman did, then questions who Foley is going to fire tonight. Foley tries to talk Stephanie out of firing someone, but Stephanie says doing this will help build competition in the locker room. He says he doesn't understand her logic, but Stephanie tells him that either he makes the decision or she will. And if she makes the decision...he might not like it.
• Austin Aries vs Ariya Daivari-Aries hits Daivari with a huge forearm to start before the two go back and forth. Aries hits a basement dropkick before posing on the ropes. Daivari back body drops Aries out of the ring and beats him down. Daivari hits a wristlock lariat for a near fall before targeting Aries' previously injured eye. Aries comes back with strikes and chops before hitting a gutbuster followed by an STO. Aries hits an elbow drop before throwing Daivari out of the ring and hitting a suicide dive. Aries hits a knee breaker followed by a side suplex that drops Daivari right on his head before pulling down his elbow pad. Aries hits a rolling elbow for the win. Fine, little match.
• OK...OK...OK...now that the Emmalina thing is done...now, instead of "EMMALINA IS COMING SOON" vignettes...we get EMMA IS COMING SOON!...f*ck off.
• Big Show vs Titus O'Neil-I paid next to no attention to this match. I saw Big Show hit three chokeslams on Titus and win. If he can't beat up Shaquille O'Neal, he's going to beat up a different O'Neil.
• Backstage, Bayley worries about her match with Nia Jax. Sasha tries to calm her nerves while telling her to ignore the people who think she's not championship material.
• Mike Rome interviews Chris Jericho. He says he'll get revenge on Kevin Owens, but before that, he wants to show everyone the real Kevin Owens. He says next week, he'll have the real Kevin Owens as a guest on the Highlight Reel. And everyone will want to see...................IT! He tells "Tom" to leave, but Rome says he's not Tom. Jericho says he is Tom and puts him on the list.
• Bayley vs Nia Jax-Nia overpowers Bayley before throwing her out of the ring. Bayley kicks Nia, so she tips the stairs over in rage. Also, it looks like something is up Nia Jax's eye now. Like...it's lazy. My friend pointed this out to me and now I can't unsee it. After a commercial, we come back to see Nia working over the back of Bayley. Nia gets stuck in the ropes, so Bayley dropkicks her to the outside before hitting a stunner through the ropes. Bayley dives off the top rope, but Nia catches her. Bayley tries for a guillotine choke, but Nia throws her off before hitting a Stun Gun. Nia beats down Bayley in the corner until she gets DQ'd. Nia puts Bayley in the Tree of Woe before dragging her to the outside and throwing her into the barricade.
• It's time for the firing. Stephanie brings Foley out to the ring and asks who he is going to fire. Foley says no one deserves to be fired on the roster, but he says he's made the decision. He has decided to fire...Stephanie. She says he can't do that, but he says she deserves to go. He says she treats the wrestlers like jokes and she has lied to him constantly since he became the general manager. Stephanie says Foley is weak before Triple H comes down to the ring and tells him to say whatever he has to say to his face. H says he would have never brought Foley back and he doesn't want to see pathetic has-beens like Foley anymore. Foley says he doesn't like Triple H and he doesn't need WWE, but he comes back because he enjoys it. Triple H starts to talk about Foley's family, saying he might not let Noelle become a wrestler or he'll fire Dewey from his job at the WWE office. He tells Foley to walk to the back and realize how great his job is. Stephanie starts running down the crowd, only for H to notice Foley hasn't left the ring yet. He grabs Foley, who locks in the Mandible Claw on Triple H. Stephanie stops him by low blowing him before Trips rolls up his sleeves. Suddenly, Seth Rollins' music hit. He comes down the ramp with a crutch, only to drop it and sprint into the ring. The two brawl before Rollins superkicks H and kicks him out of the ring. Rollins stands tall before H grabs the crutch and runs back in the ring. Rollins holds him off at first, but H attacks his leg with the crutch. Triple H locks in a reverse figure four until the referees break it up. Rollins gets back to his feet, but H knocks him down again with the crutch.