February 16th, 2017:
"Never again. This was so bad...Don't expect another one of these reviews anytime soon."-Me
One Month Later.
Yeah...I'm reviewing Impact Wrestling again. Now, the last time I watched Impact, I hated it. But now that the show has basically been revamped with new owners and new wrestlers, I thought it would only be fair to give it another shot. With that being said, let's get right into this.
- We kick off the show with Eddie Edwards & Davey Richards brawling in the crowd. This seems a lot like the regular Impact already. Edwards crotches Richards on a guardrail before chopping him. Richards tries to suplex Edwards over the railing, but Edwards knocks him down and dives onto him. They fight onto the entrance ramp before security breaks them up.
- We then go the commentators, mega-c*nt Josh Matthews and "Da Pope", aka D'Angelo Dinero or Elijah Burke from the WWECW. Matthews suddenly notices that there is a third headset before complaining that "this isn't SmackDown where they have 47 announcers." That was pretty funny, I'll give him that. Outcomes Jeremy Borash, who Matthews yells at to leave. Borash takes the mic and says the new owners of Impact thought the fans would like a commentator that...they actually like. Borash says the fans don't like him at all as Matthews turns his back on him & checks his phone. Borash says he was supposed to take Mike Tenay's spot as the lead commentator until WWE fired Josh Matthews and "a couple of idiots who no longer work here" signed him. Matthews says Tenay is a nobody while he was calling WrestleMania with Jim Ross. He also says everyone in the crowd got in for free because giving away free tickets makes your company look great. Borash says he's got some bombs to drop on commentary tonight before Cody & Brandi Rhodes show up. Matthews tries to get a Too Sweet from Cody, but Cody just rips the mic away from him. He says he wants to fight Moose right now, but he is interrupted by the DCC (Death Crew Council). Borash says on commentary that Moose is in Japan right now before he & Matthews argue to the commercial break. Man, some of this was just brutal. Like, there's blending reality & story...and then there's being full-on reality based. Referencing WWE and the free comp tickets to the show is just too much. This would just completely turn a casual fan off of this show
- The Death Crew Council with James Storm vs Reno Scum-Reno Scum, Adam Thornstowe & Luster the Legend, make their Impact Wrestling debuts against Bram & Kingston, who is for some reason wrestling in a vest & tie, of the DCC. Luster quickly tosses Bram out of the ring so they can double team Kingston. Kingston breaks free by raking Thornstowe's eyes and tags in Bram, who beats down Thornstowe in the corner. The DCC control the match until Luster prevents a spike piledriver and knocks Bram out of the ring. Reno Scum hits a surfboard/diving double stomp combo for the win. Well...that was quick. After the match, the DCC argue in the ring before Storm calms Bram & Kingston down.
- Backstage interviewer McKenzie Mitchell attempts to interview Maria Kanellis-Bennet, only for Sienna to show up and tell her that Maria had a nervous breakdown due to Braxton Sutter breaking off his...pretty much-forced marriage to Laurel Van Ness and confessing that he loves Allie. McKenzie says she heard it was a contract issue, but Sienna says that's fake news. Sienna also calls McKenzie "McKenna" constantly. When McKenzie corrects her, Sienna says "No, right now it's McKenna." She says she is classier than McKenzie before warning Allie that while Maria is gone, she's still here and she'll carry out Maria's plan for Allie.
- Braxton Sutter with Allie vs DJZ vs Caleb Konley vs Marshe Rockett-Sutter is the only one who got a televised entrance, so guess who's winning this match. Rockett sizes up all three smaller competitors before slapping Sutter. Sutter, Konley, and DJZ boot Rockett from the ring before Sutter follows him out. DJZ and Konley exchange roll ups in the ring before DJZ takes out Rockett & Sutter with a somersault tope. Somehow, Rockett gets to his feet before DJZ does so he can hit a nice spinebuster on Konley in the ring. DJZ goes for a diving crossbody, but Rockett catches him and slams him down. Sutter's up next and eats a turnbuckle powerbomb from Rockett. I thought we all agreed after SummerSlam that we should retire that move. Konley gets a near fall off a roll up on Rockett before he, Sutter, and DJZ catch Rockett off a flying nothing with a triple dropkick. They boot Rockett from the ring so the three of them can trade moves. Konley sends DJZ out of the ring so he can take him & Rockett out with a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Konley gives Sutter a backfist followed by a back suplex. Konley kicks Rockett onto all fours, allowing DJZ to jump off his back and hit a DDT on Konley. Rockett floors DJZ with a wheel kick before Sutter sends Rockett out of the ring. Allie decides to get involved and takes out Rockett with a dive off the second rope. Rockett gets back in the ring and right into a swinging fisherman's neckbreaker by Sutter for the win. Ummm...the babyfaces cheated. Allie interfered in the match for no reason to help her boyfriend, and her interference directly influenced the match. Poor booking. After the match, Laurel Van Ness comes out, still in her wedding dress with messy makeup and her heels strapped to her wrists.OK...just to clarify. The wedding between Laurel & Sutter happened two weeks ago. So...Impact is implying one of two things. 1. Laurel Van Ness has literally not changed her clothes or bathed in two whole weeks. Or 2. Laurel Van Ness pretty much just lives in the Impact Zone now. And don't think either of those is any better than the actual answer. She screams at Allie & Sutter
- Sienna vs Rachel Ellering-Yes, it's Rachel Ellering, the daughter of the Road Warriors and now the Authors of Pain's manager Paul Ellering and frequent NXT jobber. Sienna overpowers Ellering at first, so Ellering gives her a bicycle knee strike. The two trade blows before Ellering floors her and hits senton for a near fall. Not that you'd know it by listening to the commentary, as Josh Matthews & Jeremy Borash bicker on commentary for the entire thing. Pope is pretty much done with both of their sh*t. Ellering hits an enziguri before Sienna rolls out of the ring. Ellering goes to the top rope, but Sienna pushes her off onto the top rope. Back in the ring, Sienna floors Ellering with a clothesline for a near fall. Sienna goes for a gut wrench, but Ellering turns it over with a back body drop. Ellering strikes away at Sienna complete with some pretty poor uppercut before hitting an STO followed by a springboard spinning leg drop for a near fall. Ellering goes a corner forearm, but Sienna dodges it and hits the Silencer, a running shoulder block, for the win. This was actually pretty good, I enjoyed this. I'm a big Allysin Kay/Sienna fan and Ellering also looked pretty good here, especially for someone relatively new to wrestling. However, f*ck the commentary. Constant arguing from Matthews & Borash is just insufferable.
- Outcomes Bruce Prichard. He says Impact Wrestling is not the same Impact that he knew. He says they were on the cusp of greatness, but it didn't happen. He says the name "TNA" is dead and says the new owners of Impact Wrestling called him up because he was in WWE when it was at it's most successful. He says he knows how to make Impact Wrestling great and says you start with the face of the company. He says that person...is TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Bobby Lashley. Lashley comes out and thanks Prichard for acknowledging his greatness. He says he's walked through everyone in his path. Prichard says Lashley is one of the greatest athletes in all of sports before saying there is no one better than him. This obvious foreshadowing leads to Alberto El Patron, the former Alberto Del Rio, coming out to a pretty quiet reaction. That might be because they had to re-tape his entrance because Impact played the wrong entrance video for him.
He was originally going to be named "Alberto De Patron" but they decided to instead go with the name he's been using all over the indies. Apparently, he got a massive pop on the first try, but on the re-shoot, not so much. Impact pretty much just killed their big debut for El Patron. Bruce Prichard says El Patron needs no introduction. Clearly, he does because, apparently, he has two different names. Lashley tells him not to cater to the fans, so El Patron tells him to shut his mouth. El Patron says Lashley has never beat him, only for EC3 to come out. EC3 says you don't just walk in and get a title shot, you have to earn it. He says he deserves a title shot and challenges Lashley tonight for the title. Lashley rejects his offer and instead challenges El Patron. El Patron takes the mic from EC3 and accepts his challenge. Prichard makes it official.
WrestlingInc. - McKenzie Mitchell interviews Eddie Edwards. He says he never expected Davey Richards to stoop as low as he did before Angelina Love walks up. She warns him to watch his mouth and says he stole the spotlight from Richards. Love says Edwards isn't a real man like Richards before giving Edwards a hell of a slap. Edwards says Love hits harder than Richards.
- Cody is back out to challenge Moose. Jeremy Borash says Moose is in Japan again, but Cody doesn't believe him and says he won't leave the ring until Moose comes out. Cody then leaves the ring and hops into the crowd.
- Outcomes Dutch Mantel on a little rascal. He says he used to be Zeb Colter in an "alternate universe" before saying they call him he earned his nickname "Dirty Dutch." He says he's traveled the world, all because of what he loves; professional wrestling. Mantel says the new owners called him up and asked him to help make Impact great. He lists off a bunch of cool people who used to be in Impact, all of whom told Mantel that they left because of a lack of leadership, vision, and respect. He says he is simply an advisor and the fans are his boss. He asks everyone to stand, put their hands over their hearts, and say "We the People!...will make Impact great." Toeing the line of copyright infringement.
- It's Broken Hardys Time! Brother Nero fights Smokin' Joe the Kangaroo before embarking on their next "Expedition of Gold." They teleport, only for Decay to teleport into the Impact Zone with the Tag Team Championships. Rosemary says that the Hardys have been deleted. And this marks the end of the Broken Hardys in Impact Wrestling.
- Jeremy Borash announces that Slammiversary XV will be happening on July 2 on pay-per-view. Josh Matthews bitches about how he should have been the one to make the announcement.
- Lashley (c) vs Alberto El Patron-Impact Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship-The two lock up before El Patron beats on Lashley in the corner. El Patron hits a basement dropkick for near fall before Lashley starts beating down El Patron in the corner. The fight goes to the outside, where El Patron throws Lashley into the table before throwing him back in the ring so he can hit a diving punch. Del Rio goes for the 10 punches in the corner, but Lashley shoves him off and clotheslines him. Lashley hits a neckbreaker for a near fall before El Patron rolls out of the ring. Lashley follows him out and throws him into the ring steps before throwing him back in the ring. Lashley controls the match before hitting a delayed vertical suplex. Lashley calls for the spear, but El Patron catches him with a dropkick. The two trade blows before Lashley sets El Patron up on the top rope. However, El Patron turns it into a hanging armbar before going back to the top rope. Del Rio dives at Lashley, but Lashley dodges it and hits a sidewalk slam for a near fall. After that, EC3 comes out and watches the match from the stage before the commercial break.We come back Lashley beating down El Patron in the corner. El Patron comes back with clotheslines and a back stabber for a near fall. El Patron goes for a cross arm breaker, but Lashley reverses it and gets a near fall off a roll up before flooring El Patron with a clothesline. Lashley goes for another, but El Patron ducks it, causing Lashley to hit the referee. Another referee runs down after El Patron locks in the cross arm-breaker. Lashley is able to power his way to his feet and slams El Patron for a near fall. El Patron hits a rope-hung double stomp for a near fall before going for the cross arm-breaker again. Lashley reverses it and after a series of reversals, Lashley hits a spinebuster for a near fall. El Patron comes back with a DDT before calling for the superkick, only for Lashley to pull the second referee in the way of the kick. Lashley hits another spinebuster, but with no referee, Lashley leaves the ring and grabs the title belt. However, when he gets in the ring, El Patron hits a superkick before clocking Lashley with the title. The second referee recovers and counts the three. New Impact Wrestling Heavyweight Champion, Alberto El Patron! That was a really good match, maybe a bit overbooked but still pretty good. Meanwhile, the referees discuss the match before El Patron stands on the announce table to celebrate. However, the show comes to an end with the referees & officials discussing what happened.
And that's about it. Overall...it was fine. I mean, there was a lot of bad stuff, like the commentary and some bad booking in the X-Division match and after the X-Division match. But there was still some good stuff. The women's match and the main event were good. It's not great yet, but it's a step in the right direction
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