But first! A quick recap of WrestleMania XII, which happened the day before this episode of RAW.
- On the Free-for-All (basically the Kickoff Show), the BodyDonnas, Skip & Zip, defeated the Godwinns for the vacant WWF Tag Team Championships. Whey were they vacant? Because Billy Gunn injured his neck, forcing the Smoking Gunns to vacate the titles.
- Camp Cornette defeated the team of Yokozuna, Ahmed Johnson, and Jake Roberts after Vader hit the Vader Bomb on Roberts.
- In what has to be one of the craziest & bizarre matches in WWE history, Roddy Piper took on Goldust in a Hollywood Backlot Brawl. Piper beats the absolute piss out of Goldust as soon as he arrives at the fight in a gold Cadillac. Like, he doesn't hold back at all. He even cuts his own hand open at one point.Goldust manages to escape after low blowing Piper and getting into his gold Cadillac. He runs over Piper before driving away.
In hot pursuit, Roddy Piper hops into a conveniently placed white Ford Bronco and follows after him. Why does that kind of car sound familiar, you might ask? Well, because it's the same kind of car OJ Simpson was using as a getaway vehicle during his infamous low-speed chase to evade police. Why am I bringing this up? Well, because instead of filming their own footage of Piper chasing Goldust in the white Bronco, they straight up just use the footage of the OJ chase. I'm not even kidding.
He did it for the Rock
So throughout the show, they cut back to this footage constantly before the two finally get back to the arena. The two brawl for a bit, complete with so much man-on-man rubbing & striping that it's less a hardcore match and more a softcore match. At one point, Goldust kisses Piper, which sets him off. Piper proceeds to batter Goldust, grab his balls(?) and spank him before stripping Goldust down to, for some reason, a lingerie set.
Photo from WrestleCrap Piper then kisses him, even though that's what set him off in the first place.
Goldust & Marlena run off to the back, so Piper wins...I guess.
- Stone Cold Steve Austin defeated Savio Vega by submission with the Million Dollar Dream. The referee had gone down, so Ted Dibiase woke him up by dumping some Coke in his face.
- In his big return to the WWF. The Ultimate Warrior defeated Hunter Hearst Helmsley in under two minutes, completely no selling the Pedigree in the process.Also, Helmsley's valet for this match was Sable.
- The Undertaker defeated Diesel with the Tombstone Piledriver.
- In a 60-Minute Iron Man Match for the WWF Championship, the champion Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels initially fought to a time-limit draw, with neither man scoring a fall during the match. The returning WWF President Gorilla Monsoon decided that the match will continue under sudden death rules. The first man to get a fall wins the match. 1 minute, 52 seconds later, Michaels hits Sweet Chin Music and gets the win and the WWF Championship.
Now then, onto RAW.
RAW
- Mankind vs Bob Holly-In Mankind's WWF debut, he takes on Sparky Plugg. Mankind dominates the match early on before Holly gains some momentum and hits a dropkick. Holly goes for a crossbody, but Mankind dodges, sending Holly to the outside. Mankind then gives Holly a Stun Gun into the ring apron before bringing Holly back into the ring. After hitting a double axe handle on Holly in the Tree of Woe, Mankind applies the Mandible Claw for the submission win. Mankind also has different music play when he wins instead of his entrance theme.
- Isaac Yankem vs Marc Mero-F*ck, how is the evil dentist still around? Like...why? Anyways, this is also the WWF debut of Marc Mero, aka Johnny B. Badd. He showed up backstage at WrestleMania XII and fought with Hunter Hearst Helmsley when he berated his real life wife Sable after his loss. And now that he's out of WCW, he doesn't have to kiss anyone who's not his wife! Yankem overpowers Mero at first, but Mero comes back and dropkicks Yankem out of the ring before hitting a somersault plancha to the outside. Mero follows up with a slingshot leg drop for a near fall before hitting a knee strike & diving double axe handle for another near fall. Yankem comes back and starts beating down Mero as Helmsley comes down to ringside next to Sable, who is in the crowd.Yankem continues to control the match until Mero gets a near fall off a crucifix pin. Yankem goes back on the offensive until Mero flips out of a belly-to-back suplex and rolls up Yankem for a near fall. Mero takes the fight to Yankem, knocking him down with a punch before hitting a big diving sunset flip for the win. Fine little match, nothing special. After the match, Sable slaps Helmsley and heads to the back with Mero.
- The BodyDonnas with Sunny vs Aldo Montoya & Barry Horowitz-Zip & Montoya trade chops to start before Montoya gets a near fall off a shoulder tackle. The two trade holds before Skip tags in. Montoya takes him down with a takeover before sending both BodyDonnas out of the ring. Horowitz tags in and he and Zip go back and forth until Montoya tags back in. More back and forth before Skip tags in. The BodyDonnas hit a double flapjack before Skip hits a suplex. The BodyDonnas beat down on Montoya until Montoya suplexes Skip out of the ring from the apron. Montoya hits a diving crossbody on Skip before tagging in Horowitz. Horowitz runs wild and pins Skip with a cradle and gets the visual three, but Sunny distracts the referee long enough for Zip to break up the pin. Montoya tags in and gets a near fall off a diving crossbody before Skip hits a German suplex for a near fall. Skip hits a high angle spinebuster followed by a super Frankensteiner before Zip hits a diving seated senton for the win. Pretty good undercard match.
- Vince McMahon interviews the new WWF Champion Shawn Michaels. He says winning the WWF Championship is the greatest moment of his life and he thanks his fans for it. He says that Bret Hart is one of the best ever. He then promises to wear the WWF Championship with honor & dignity like Hart did. He tells Jerry Lawler that next week, he send him "back to his White Castle." He then says that Diesel used to be his best friends, but now they're enemies and he'll hit him with Sweet Chin Music.
- The Undertaker with Paul Bearer vs Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw with Uncle Zebekiah-Bradshaw attacks Undertaker from behind as soon as the bell rings and hits a powerslam. The Undertaker sits right up, so Bradshaw clotheslines him down, hits an elbow drop, and boots Taker out of the ring before the commercial break. We come back to see Bradshaw hit a sidewalk slam for a near fall. Bradshaw hits a diving shoulder tackle for a near fall before going for another one, only for Taker to catch him and hit a powerslam. Bradshaw comes back with a clothesline before hitting a big boot. Taker comes back and hits a jumping clothesline before hitting a chokeslam. Taker finishes Bradshaw off with a Tombstone Piledriver, only for Mankind to jump in the ring and attack Taker, causing a DQ. Mankind throws Taker around ringside before hitting a diving elbow drop off the apron. Mankind then locks in the Mandible Claw on Taker until referees and security pull him off, only for him to return and attack Taker some more.
That's it for RAW. Onto Nitro.
Nitro
- The Giant with Jimmy Hart vs Sting-Sting spits in the Giant's face before taking the fight right to him. Sting takes out Giant with a chop block before hitting a diving chop block. The Giant gets to his feet and no sells Sting's shots before not being budged off a crossbody. Giant throws Sting out of the ring before throwing him into the guard rail. Giant gorilla presses Sting back in the ring before going for a chokeslam from the apron, only for Sting to counter it and kick the Giant to the ground. Lex Luger runs down to the ring, which is (I guess) enough grounds for a DQ. We later find out that this was supposed to be Sting & The Giant teaming up to face Harlem Heat, but Hart bribed Harlem Heat to not compete...OK.
- The Steiner Brothers vs The Road Warriors vs The Nasty Boys-Rick Steiner and Brian Knobbs start by exchanging strikes, with Knobbs gaining the upper hand until Steiner hits a powerslam. Animal makes a blind tag on Rick and clotheslines Knobbs to the ground, only to fly into the ropes when he tries for a shoulder tackle. Saggs tags in, then Hawk tags in, and then Scott Steiner tags in and hits an abdominal stretch slam. Both Hawk & Scott go down on a double clothesline before Scott dodges a spear in the corner, sending Hawk to the outside. Back in the ring, Hawk hits a neckbreaker followed by a fist drop for a near fall. Animal tags in and hits a shoulder tackle before being clotheslined by Rick. Rick tags in and does nothing of note, so Scott tags in and hits a belly-to-belly suplex after Saggs makes a blind tag. The Nasty Boys beat down Scott until Scott tags in Rick, who clobbers Knobbs with a clothesline for a near fall. Knobbs tags in Animal before all three teams start brawling on the outside. The referee gets everything under control and the Steiners start to double team Animal before Hawk tags in. Hawk floors Rick with a shoulder tackle before locking in a side headlock. The Road Warriors start to beat down Rick until Scott tags in. This is a problem. Nobody's getting any heat whatsoever because whenever one team starts to take control, there's an immediate tag and then they repeat that. The Nasty Boys finally get some heat before more chaos ensues, allowing the Steiners to take control on Knobbs. After a commercial break, Animal is working on Rick. Both men go down off a double clothesline spot, so Hawk & Saggs tag in. Hawk no-sells some punches from Sags before hitting a powerslam. Knobbs tags in and clotheslines Hawk before hitting a splash, only for Rick to break up the pin. Knobbs hits a bulldog on Hawk, only for Rick to tag in after the kick out. Rick German suplexes Knobbs before tagging in Scott. Saggs also tags in and floors Scott with a shoulder tackle. And that's the entire match for like 10 minutes. Eventually, Public Enemy shows up and attacks Brian Knobbs while Scott Steiner pins Johnny Grunge, who was dressed as Knobbs. This was absolute nonsense. Just repetitive moves over and over again and it even had a f*ck finish. This was rough to watch.
- Arn Anderson & Kevin Sullivan with Woman & Miss Elizabeth vs Hulk Hogan & The Booty Man with The Booty Babe-Jesus Christ, how many times has some variation of a match with Hogan, Savage, Booty Man, Flair, Anderson, and Sullivan happened? Far too many. That's how many. During the match, Bobby Heenan reveals that tonight is his last night in WCW as he is retiring. The Booty Man & Anderson start off, with Booty Man dominating before hitting an atomic drop on Anderson, followed by one to Sullivan that sends him out of the ring. Anderson uses that distraction to pull Booty Man out of the ring and beat him down at ringside, only for Hogan to clothesline Anderson after he yells at the Booty Babe. Back in the ring, Hogan & Booty Man hit a double big boot before Booty Man & Sullivan lock up. Sullivan goes to the top rope, but Booty Man throws him down and hits a knee lift before kneeing Anderson to the outside. Sullivan rakes Booty Man's eyes and tag in Anderson, who wants Hogan. Hogan & Anderson go back and forth before Hogan hits a Stun Gun for a near fall. Sullivan tries to drop an elbow on Hogan while he pinned Anderson, but Hogan dodged it, causing Sullivan to elbow drop Anderson. Booty Man tags in, but the heels force him to their corner. The heels work over the Booty Man until a double down spot where Sullivan & Booty Man both collide. Hogan gets the hot tag and runs wild, planting Sullivan & Anderson with big boots. Woman hands Sullivan a heel (the deadliest weapon in wrestling, of course!), but the Booty Babe gives Hogan an even bigger heel (an even deadlier weapon in wrestling!). Hogan hits Sullivan with the heel while the referee is checking on Anderson and gets the win. After the match, Woman attacks the Booty Babe before the Booty Man breaks them up. After Hogan and (for some reason) the Booty Babe walk to the back, The heels attack Booty Man, who went to get the Booty Babe's heel, in the ring. Hogan chases them off and they head to the back. Mean Gene heads to the ring to interview the babyfaces. Hogan says their win was a shoe-in...
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...
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And that's about it. RAW easily had the better show this week because it didn't make THAT JOKE!
RAW: 13
Nitro: 14
Tune in next time for the next RAW vs Nitro!
OK fine, that's probably too harsh. Back to Nitro, I go...whoopie.
- Booty Man says he's tired of the heels always getting the last laugh...even though they always lose matches. Booty Man asks Hogan to be his tag partner next week and promises they'll get the last laugh. Hogan accepts and throws the challenge out to the heels.
- Ric Flair (c) with Woman & Miss Elizabeth vs Lex Luger-WCW World Heavyweight Championship-Just give Luger all the belts. Every. single. one. Luger overpowers Flair to start before gorilla press slamming Flair, who rolls out of the ring. Back in the ring, Luger gorilla press slams Flair again before Flair takes control with a kick. Flair knocks Luger down with a back elbow and goes to the top rope, but Luger tosses him down to the mat before clotheslining him out of the ring. Can I just ask why Flair goes to the top rope? It never goes well for him. Flair recuperates outside the ring before going back in and giving Luger a thumb to the eye. Luger gorilla presses Flair again before dropping him across the top rope. Luger runs through Flair before chasing Woman & Elizabeth up the ramp. However, when Luger tries to get back in the ring, Flair knees him off, sending him into the barricade. Flair works over Luger, with Woman clawing Luger's eyes occasionally. Flair locks in the Figure Four, but Luger is able to turn it over, forcing Flair to break the hold. Flair throws Luger out of the ring and throws him into the barricade, only for Luger to fire back with a clothesline. Back in the ring, Luger goes for a sunset flip, but Flair blocks it by grabbing the ropes. For no reason whatsoever, the referee kicks Flair's hand away.Why? He just cheated to help the babyface win. That makes no sense. Luger only gets a near fall before blocking a hip toss and getting a near fall off a backslide. Flair goes back to the top rope and dives Luger, but Luger catches him, sets him up on the top rope, and superplexes him. Luger hits a powerslam and locks in the Torture Rack, only for Woman to enter the ring and throw coffee in Luger's face while Elizabeth distracts the referee. Flair makes the cover with his feet on the ropes for the win. Sting runs down to chase Flair off.
- We close out the show with Bobby Heenan saying goodbye to WCW. He shakes both Eric Bischoff and Mongo's hands...APRIL FOOLS! He's not actually leaving.
Nitro did not have a clean finish in any of its four matches. One match was absolutely terrible. Luger-Flair was the only thing even remotely redeemable about Nitro. RAW got an easy win this time.
RAW: 13
Nitro: 14
That's it for this edition of RAW vs Nitro. Stay tuned for the next one!
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