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Worst in the World: Pat Patterson vs Gerald Brisco-King of the Ring 2000

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If you've never seen or heard anything about this match, then the above image might be very confusing to you. So let me just clear some things up real quick. No, this is not some kind of weird fever dream. You are not hallucinating, this is something that really happened in real life. This is the first ever (and only) "Hardcore Evening Gown match", contested by two men in their fifties for the Hardcore Championship. How could the WWE have possible thought of this? Well, let's go into a brief history lesson.
Back in the late 90s, Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco were part of the Corporation as Vince McMahon's "stooges". They were a duo of bumbling heels who would provide some very funny moments over the years. This was not one of them. You see, it all started when Brisco won the Hardcore Championship from Crash Holly with the help of Patterson in 2000. While celebrating in the back, however, Patterson poured champagne in Brisco's eyes and broke a bottle over his head before pinning him and winning the title.
So where do the evening gowns come in? Well, as a way of avoiding Brisco, Patterson dressed up as a woman and hid in the women's locker room. Brisco responded by dressing up as a woman himself and going in to get him. This led to McMahon booking them in a Hardcore Evening Gown at King of the Ring 2000. It's pretty obvious that there was no Wellness Policy in 2000 because the writers must have been on every drug imaginable to think this was a good idea. Well, I guess it's time to look at Vinne Mac's Drag Race, this is the Hardcore Evening Gown match. Let's get into it...God help me.
The two hug before the match starts, only for Patterson to knee Brisco in the junk. The first move of the match, everybody. After that, Patterson pulls out a banana and shoves it in Brisco's mouth.
Patterson then reaches under his dress and pulls out a Maxi-Pad and shoves it in Brisco's mouth.
JR says that this hideous. He's right.
Patterson pulls up his dress again to reveal big red granny panties and tries to do a stinkface, but Brisco low blows him. The fans are having absolutely none of this, as they boo the match out of the building. This is not good heat...this is the Roman Reigns kind of heat. Brisco whips Patterson into the corner and gives him a Bronco Buster
I need to bleach my eyes after this. The two start tearing each other's dresses off before Crash Holly runs down with a trash can. I'm not even exaggerating when I say that Crash got a MASSIVE pop when he ran down. Like, probably the biggest pop of his career. It's a shame it's more than likely because he's saving us from this eyesore of a match. Crash beats down both men before smashing the can over Patterson's head and making the cover. Thanks to the 24/7 rule, Crash gets the three and the win to win the Hardcore Championship and end this nightmare. But of course, not before the bra & panty clad Patterson & Brisco fight on the entrance ramp. I've already used it three times in this post, but you know what, LET'S GO FOR FOUR!

The Verdict

There are somethings that should not be seen. This is one of them. This is, without a shred of doubt, the most unpleasant experience I've ever had watching wrestling. This makes Christy Hemme vs the Big Fat Oily Guy look like Shawn Michaels vs The Undertaker, It was all just gross gags and ugly visuals from start to finish. And normally I would give a match a worse rating for the interference, but in this case, the interference was absolutely necessary. God bless you, Crash Holly. Just...God bless you.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1. Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
  2. Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
  3. T&A vs Head Cheese-WrestleMania 2000
  4. Triple H vs Sgt. Slaughter-D-Generation X: In Your House
  5. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  6. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  7. Rick Rude vs Hawk-Clash of the Champions XXV
  8. Shelton Benjamin vs Viscera-New Year's Revolution 2006
  9. Steve McMichael vs Reggie White-Slamboree 1997
  10. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  11. The Natural Disasters vs Money Inc.-WrestleMania VIII
  12. Ivan Koloff vs Paul Jones-Clash of the Champions IV
  13. ODB, Taylor Wilde, and Roxxi vs The Kongtourage-Genesis 2009
  14. Ivory vs Tori-SummerSlam 1999
  15. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  16. Alex Wright vs Steve McMichael-Halloween Havoc 1997
  17. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  18. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  19. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  20. Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long-Capital Combat
  21. Dusty Rhodes vs Big Boss Man-Saturday Night's Main Event (10/31/1989)
  22. Tyson Tomko vs Stevie Richards-Unforgiven 2004
  23. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  24. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Souled Out 1997
  25. Dustin Rhodes & King Kong vs Awesome Kong & The Equalizer-Battlebowl
  26. Finlay & Little Bastard vs The Boogeyman & Little Boogeyman-No Way Out 2007
  27. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
  28. Yokozuna vs King Mabel-In Your House 4
  29. Sting & Hawk vs Meng & Kurasawa-Clash of the Champions XXXI
  30. Hulk Hogan vs Randy Savage-Uncensored 1998
  31. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  32. Mickie James vs Ashley-Royal Rumble 2006
  33. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  34. Team WCW vs nWo Wolfpac vs nWo Hollywood-Fall Brawl 1998
  35. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
  36. Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania III
  37. Van Hammer vs Terrance Taylor-Clash of the Champions XVI
  38. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
  39. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
  40. Jim Duggan vs Big Boss Man-Royal Rumble 1990
  41. Meng vs Jim Duggan-Uncensored 1995
  42. Jim Steele vs The Equalizer-SuperBrawl IV
  43. Edge vs Triple H vs Vladimir Kozlov-Survivor Series 2008
  44. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  45. Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
  46. Scott Hall vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl IX
  47. PN News & Bobby Eaton vs Steve Austin & Terrance Taylor-Great American Bash 1991
  48. Scott Steiner vs Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Road Warrior Animal-Sin
  49. Hollywood Hogan vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl 1997
  50. Batista vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2007
  51.  Sable vs Tori-WrestleMania XV
  52. Super Invader vs Todd Champion-WrestleWar 1992
  53. King Kong Bundy & Jim Neidhart vs Yokozuna & Jake Roberts-Heroes of Wrestling
  54. Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII
  55. The 8-Divas Tag Match-Survivor Series 1999
  56. The Fabulous Freebirds vs The Renegade Warriors-Halloween Havoc 1990
  57. Rick Rude vs Masahiro Chono-Halloween Havoc 1992
  58. Mike Awesome vs Vampiro-Halloween Havoc 2000
  59. Bray Wyatt vs John Cena-Extreme Rules 2014
  60. Brothers of Destruction vs KroniK-Unforgiven 2001
  61. Mabel vs The Undertaker-King of the Ring 1995
  62. Wendi Richter vs The Fabulous Moolah-The Brawl to End it All
  63. David Flair vs Kimberly Page-Mayhem 1999
  64. The Truth Commission vs The Disciples of Apocolypse-Survivor Series 1997
  65. The Bushwhacker vs The Fabulous Rougeaus-WrestleMania V
  66. The Beverly Brothers vs The Bushwhackers-Royal Rumble 1992
  67. Teddy Long vs Eric Bischoff-Survivor Series 2005
  68. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  69. Abdullah the Butcher vs One Man Gang-Heroes of Wrestling
  70. Major Gunns vs Miss Hancock-New Blood Rising
  71. Triple H vs Scott Steiner-Royal Rumble 2003
  72. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  73. Mr. T vs Roddy Piper-WrestleMania 2
  74. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  75. The Blacktop Bully vs Dustin Rhodes-Uncensored 1995
  76. Pat Patterson vs Gerald Brisco-King of the Ring 2000
  77. The Four Doinks vs Team Bigelow-Survivor Series 1993
  78. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
  79. Oz vs Tim Parker-SuperBrawl
  80. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
  81. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996
  82. Kane vs The Undertaker-Judgement Day 1998
  83. Kaitlyn vs Maxine-NXT (10/19/10)
  84. Sabu vs The Sandman-November to Remember 1997
  85. The Bushwhackers vs Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-Heroes of Wrestling
  86. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
  87. John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
  88. Ultimate Warrior vs Goldust-In Your House 7
  89. Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus-Triplemania XXIII
  90. Jenna Morasca vs Sharmell-Victory Road 2009
And up next is...
Oh god...it's that Jackie Gayda match.
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