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Worst in the World: The Four Doinks vs Team Bigelow-Survivor Series 1993

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Remember the last time Doink the Clown was in the series and nothing was funny? Well, imagine that match...TIMES FOUR! Yes, it's the infamous Survivor Series elimination match that pits the Four Doinks, Men on a Mission & The Bushwhackers painted up like Doink, taking on the team of Bam Bam Bigelow, The Headshrinkers Fatu & Samu, and Bastion Booger. Yes...BASTION BOOGER! One of the most disgusting wrestlers of all time, his gimmick was purely that he was disgusting. Let's just get into this.
Luke & Booger start off the match with Booger hitting a horrible splash. Luke bites Booger's ass and Butch pokes him in the eye before Booger tags out to Samu. Samu works over Luke and starts biting the balloons the Doinks brought to ringside. He takes one from Mo and bites into it, but it turns out to be a water balloon. This...minor distraction is enough to allow Luke to school boy Samu and eliminate him. This is what the entire match is like.
Fatu runs in and Butch tries to headbutt him, but since Fatu is Samoan he's got a hard head and Butch hurts himself. The crowd starts chanting "USA" at Fatu. Like I said the last time the Bushwhackers showed up, it doesn't make any sense to chant "USA" in support of the Bushwhackers, who are from New Zealand. Stupid idiots...The heels continue to work over Butch before Booger hits the Trip to the Batcave, a jumping kneeling butt drop. That's what Wikipedia calls it, so that's what I'm calling it. Booger opts out of the cover to eat a banana. He goes for the move again, but Mabel pulls Butch out of the way. The Bushwhackers hit the Battering Ram and Mabel hits a leg drop. Despite Butch clearly being the legal man, Mabel makes the cover and eliminates Booger. This is ass.
Fatu offers Butch some turkey (which the Headshrinkers bring to ringside and eat because they're savages, you see!), but tricks him and hits him with it. That's a DQ. Fatu continues to beat Butch with turkey before Mo gets a scooter and rides it around in the ring. That was pointless, as Bigelow dropkicks Mo and tosses the scooter out of the ring. Fatu hits a top rope splash over Bigelow onto Mo (again, not the legal man) but doesn't cover him because he's distracted by a banana peel. Stupid idiot...Butch grabs a bucket and teases throwing water on Fatu, but the bucket was empty and he causes Fatu to slip on the banana peel. This allows Butch (who actually is the legal man, technically) to get the pin.
Bigelow gets in and runs through all the Doinks before Mabel gets in the ring. Bigelow tries to knock him down, but Mabel's too big and won't budge. Mabel ends up knocking Bigelow down and going for a corner splash. Bigelow dodges and knocks Mabel down with a shoulder tackle. He then hits a powerslam on Butch but gets distracted by Luke at ringside. This allows Men on a Mission to double splash him in the corner and Mabel hits a running splash. Despite not being the legal man...again, Mabel makes the cover and all the other Doinks hop on top of him to eliminate Bigelow and get the win. It's a clean sweep and this was f*cking terrible. After the match, the real Doink taunts Bigelow on the big screen as a final "F*ck you" to everyone watching.

The Verdict

This was awful in every sense of the word. There wasn't even a semblance of a match here. Every single elimination was a result of bad comedy, the face team never tagged in one time, and none of the wrestling was any good. And not to mention that the heel team played by the rules the majority of the time while the faces broke the rules, used foreign objects, and constantly interfered in the match. It was completely backwards and terrible in every way. This is going towards the bottom for sure.

Rankings (Best to Worst)

  1. Too Much vs Al Snow & Head-King of the Ring 1998
  2. Vampiro vs Sting-Great American Bash 2000
  3. T&A vs Head Cheese-WrestleMania 2000
  4. Triple H vs Sgt. Slaughter-D-Generation X: In Your House
  5. Konnan vs One Man Gang-SuperBrawl VI
  6. Ultimate Warrior vs Hercules-WrestleMania IV
  7. Rick Rude vs Hawk-Clash of the Champions XXV
  8. Shelton Benjamin vs Viscera-New Year's Revolution 2006
  9. Steve McMichael vs Reggie White-Slamboree 1997
  10. The Chamber of Horrors-Halloween Havoc 1991
  11. The Natural Disasters vs Money Inc.-WrestleMania VIII
  12. Ivan Koloff vs Paul Jones-Clash of the Champions IV
  13. ODB, Taylor Wilde, and Roxxi vs The Kongtourage-Genesis 2009
  14. Ivory vs Tori-SummerSlam 1999
  15. Nikita Koloff vs Bobby Eaton-Bunkhouse Stampede
  16. Alex Wright vs Steve McMichael-Halloween Havoc 1997
  17. Total Divas vs Other Divas-Survivor Series 2013
  18. The Oddities vs Kaientai-SummerSlam 1998
  19. Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice-WrestleMania VIII
  20. Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long-Capital Combat
  21. Dusty Rhodes vs Big Boss Man-Saturday Night's Main Event (10/31/1989)
  22. Tyson Tomko vs Stevie Richards-Unforgiven 2004
  23. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Hog Wild
  24. Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant-Souled Out 1997
  25. Dustin Rhodes & King Kong vs Awesome Kong & The Equalizer-Battlebowl
  26. Finlay & Little Bastard vs The Boogeyman & Little Boogeyman-No Way Out 2007
  27. Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania V
  28. Yokozuna vs King Mabel-In Your House 4
  29. Sting & Hawk vs Meng & Kurasawa-Clash of the Champions XXXI
  30. Hulk Hogan vs Randy Savage-Uncensored 1998
  31. Al Snow vs Big Boss Man-Unforgiven 1999
  32. Mickie James vs Ashley-Royal Rumble 2006
  33. Christy Hemme vs Big Fat Oily Guy-Against All Odds 2007
  34. Team WCW vs nWo Wolfpac vs nWo Hollywood-Fall Brawl 1998
  35. Vampiro vs Oklahoma-Starrcade 1999
  36. Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant-WrestleMania III
  37. Van Hammer vs Terrance Taylor-Clash of the Champions XVI
  38. Junkyard Dog vs Moondog Spot-Wrestling Classic
  39. Hiroshi Wajima vs Tom Magee-All Japan Pro Wrestling 1988
  40. Jim Steele vs The Equalizer-SuperBrawl IV
  41. Edge vs Triple H vs Vladimir Kozlov-Survivor Series 2008
  42. Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan-SuperBrawl V
  43. Steve McMichael vs Brian Adams-Road Wild 1998
  44. Scott Hall vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl IX
  45. PN News & Bobby Eaton vs Steve Austin & Terrance Taylor-Great American Bash 1991
  46. Scott Steiner vs Sid Vicious vs Jeff Jarrett vs Road Warrior Animal-Sin
  47. Hollywood Hogan vs Roddy Piper-SuperBrawl 1997
  48. Batista vs The Great Khali-SummerSlam 2007
  49.  Sable vs Tori-WrestleMania XV
  50. Super Invader vs Todd Champion-WrestleWar 1992
  51. Sid Vicious vs The Nightstalker-Clash of the Champions XIII
  52. The 8-Divas Tag Match-Survivor Series 1999
  53. The Fabulous Freebirds vs The Renegade Warriors-Halloween Havoc 1990
  54. Rick Rude vs Masahiro Chono-Halloween Havoc 1992
  55. Mike Awesome vs Vampiro-Halloween Havoc 2000
  56. Bray Wyatt vs John Cena-Extreme Rules 2014
  57. Mabel vs The Undertaker-King of the Ring 1995
  58. Wendi Richter vs The Fabulous Moolah-The Brawl to End it All
  59. David Flair vs Kimberly Page-Mayhem 1999
  60. The Truth Commission vs The Disciples of Apocolypse-Survivor Series 1997
  61. The Bushwhacker vs The Fabulous Rougeaus-WrestleMania V
  62. The Beverly Brothers vs The Bushwhackers-Royal Rumble 1992
  63. Teddy Long vs Eric Bischoff-Survivor Series 2005
  64. Greg Valentine vs George Steele-Heroes of Wrestling
  65. Abdullah the Butcher vs One Man Gang-Heroes of Wrestling
  66. Triple H vs Scott Steiner-Royal Rumble 2003
  67. Hollywood Hogan vs The Warrior-Halloween Havoc 1998
  68. Mr. T vs Roddy Piper-WrestleMania 2
  69. The Royal Family vs Clowns R' Us-Survivor Series 1994
  70. The Blacktop Bully vs Dustin Rhodes-Uncensored 1995
  71. The Four Doinks vs Team Bigelow-Survivor Series 1993
  72. Sting vs Jeff Hardy-Victory Road 2011
  73. Oz vs Tim Parker-SuperBrawl
  74. Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant-Saturday Night's Main Event (11/25/1989)
  75. The Doomsday Cage Match-Uncensored 1996
  76. Kane vs The Undertaker-Judgement Day 1998
  77. Kaitlyn vs Maxine-NXT (10/19/10)
  78. Sabu vs The Sandman-November to Remember 1997
  79. The Bushwhackers vs Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-Heroes of Wrestling
  80. James Storm vs Chris Harris-Lockdown 2007
  81. John Laurinaitis vs John Cena-Over the Limit 2012
  82. Ultimate Warrior vs Goldust-In Your House 7
  83. Los Villanos vs Los Psycho Circus-Triplemania XXIII
  84. Jenna Morasca vs Sharmell-Victory Road 2009
And up next is...

Well...why not?
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Comments

  1. ToybienConejoDecember 5, 2017 at 1:14 AM

    LOL! These rants would be even amusing if you didn't sound so bitter. The match took place in 1993, pretty much the transition year between the golden/Rock'n Wrestling era and WWF's "New Generation" era. Everything was still family fare, and edgy stuff was rarely seen or heard. At this time, the Bushwhackers were still way over with the fans (I just finished watching that match again and the crowd reaction to them, as well as Oscar's raps, is priceless). Pairing them with Men On A mission was pure comedy genius, as opposed to the strictly all-business Bigelow and Headshrinkers. And many props to the great, late Mike Shaw, for carrying on with the horrific Bastion Booger gimmick.

    Seriously, that event was a product of the times, and it should be accepted as such. And you should get a sense of humor as well.

    ReplyDelete

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