RAW
RAW kicks off recapping the Steve Austin-Bret Hart interview from last week before hyping up the sit-down interview live from Brian Pillman's house. Also hyped up is a face-to-face between Shawn Michaels and Sycho Sid. Following the intro video, we go to Kevin Kelly outside of Pillman's house, restating that Stone Cold has threatened to show up. If you haven't heard about what happens during this segment, then you're in for a surprise.
Goldust with Marlena, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Mr. Perfect, Crush, and Clarence Mason vs The Stalker with Marc Mero, Rocky Maivia, and Mark Henry
Wow, that's a lot of people for a singles match. Since Goldust came down to the ring with his entire Survivor Series team (minus Jerry Lawler), Barry Windham decided to do the same. Also, this marks the first appearance on Monday Night RAW of Rocky Maivia.
He should probably shorten that name or something. The match starts with an immediate brawl by the Stalker and Goldust, only for the match to be quickly interrupted by Dok Hendrix. He says he was contacted by Stone Cold, who's on his way to Brian Pillman's house. He says no one will stop him because he's the biggest star in the world and says Pillman brought this on himself by using his interview time on Superstars to talk about Bret Hart. He debuts the much less popular "Austin 25:17", saying he will strike down on Pillman's ass with great vengeance and furious anger. Austin says he's got a "six-pack of whoop-ass" for anyone who tries to stop him before Lawler chimes in on commentary to tell him Pillman says he's gonna have a gun. That has to be the most unsuspecting moment of foreshadowing in wrestling history. Vince McMahon warns Austin about the obvious trespassing charge, but Austin says anything that happens to him, McMahon will get him off the hook and he'll do whatever he wants, regardless of the consequences. Also, there's still a match happening. In a rather heelish move, the babyface team pounces on Goldust when he flies out of the ring off a missed crossbody, prompting Lawler to leave commentary and join his team at ringside. They do it again when both men tumble out of the ring, prompting a brawl between both teams. The babyfaces stand tall. The match is fine, but it's obviously not the focal point of this segment.
Dok Hendrix hypes up the matchup between Mankind and the Undertaker with Paul Bearer hung above the ring in a shark cage. We then get a segment from the Big Bang Boom tour where Taker speaks over the sound-system and lowers a cage with a horrible dummy of Bearer hanging upside down in it.
Diesel in the casket, this was not.
We then go Kevin Kelly with Brian Pillman and his wife Melanie in his home. Pillman brushes off the question and says Austin crossed a line and made things personal. McMahon interjects and says Austin is reportedly in the neighborhood now. Pillman continues talking over McMahon and drops the famous line: "STEVE IS A DEAD MAN WALKING! BECAUSE WHEN AUSTIN 3:16 MEETS PILLMAN 9 MILLIMETER GLOCK, I'M GONNA BLAST HIS SORRY ASS STRAIGHT TO HELL!"
After Pillman pulls out the gun and says this, one of his friends keeping watch says Austin is outside his house now. How do you follow up a moment where a man threatens to shoot another man on television?... WITH F*CKING KARATE FIGHTERS, THAT'S HOW!
It's Sycho Sid vs Marlena this week. Todd Pettengill picks Sycho Sid to win because of his height & weight advantage...in a children's toy fighting game. Sid wins...that's it.
Back to the important stuff as we see Austin kicking the sh*t out of Pillman's friends. After disposing of them with zero trouble, Austin makes his way around Pillman's house.
Alex Porteau vs The Sultan with the Iron Sheik and Bob Backlund
Oh right...wrestling. Before the match, we get Backlund going completely bonkers on commentary, repeatedly yelling that they're gonna 'BUILD A NEW BRIDGE!" and that the Sultan will bring us into the 21st century. The Sultan doesn't even make it to 1998. Needless to say, the Sultan makes easy work of Porteau and wins via submission with the Camel Clutch.
Back to Pillman's house, where Austin has broken a window Pillman's door window and let himself in. As he walks in, Pillman's wife screams as he points the gun with a crazed look in his eyes
...and the feed cuts.
It goes back to the arena for the face-to-face between Shawn Michaels and Sycho Sid, fresh off his MONUMENTAL win in the 1997 Karate Fighters tournament opening round over Marlena. I mean...does he even need the WWF Championship at this point. Jim Ross is mediating and brings up an incident from April 1995 when Sid powerbombed him multiple times. Michaels says he did forgive him but throws a dig at Sid by saying he brought him out of the "loony bin" and back to the WWF. JR quickly picks up on that and asks Sid about it, and Sid calls it bullsh*t. HBK stands by his claim before Ross changes the subject to last weeks "inadvertent" elbow. Sid maintains that it was a mistake, which Michaels accepts. Michaels says he'll beat Sid at Survivor Series, which Sid responds to by saying he's the favorite for a reason. Michaels says Sid's not in his league, which Sid calls the "little league." Michaels & Sid get in each other's faces before erupting into a shoving match. They are interrupted by Camp Cornette. He says Vader should be facing Michaels at Survivor Series as Vader and the British Bulldog take the fight to Michaels and Sid. They hold them off, only for Owen Hart to hit Sid in the back with a chair. Michaels fends him off and Camp Cornette scatters as Sid sees HBK with the chair. Camp Cornette try to ambush them again, but Michaels & Sid hold them off before the two go face-to-face again. They are eventually broken up by referees & backstage officials, including Pat Patterson in his best Bill Cosby sweater.
Are we still allowed to call them that? Or does Bill Cosby being a monster make that not OK?
Marc Mero with Sable vs "Razor Ramon" with "Diesel"
Jim Ross has popped up on commentary, putting himself over for asking the tough questions during the Michaels-Sid interview. In the middle of this match, we get a phone call from WWF director Kerwin Silfies, who says the power conveniently went out at the house and that he hasn't seen Austin or anyone leave the house. He says they're trying to fix the feed, but no one wants to leave the truck after the possible shooting. He says the likelihood of the feed coming back isn't great and that police haven't shown up still. Suddenly, Silfies reacts to someone as the phone goes out. JR runs down McMahon for not being prepared for something like this. Lawler tries to play peacekeeper as they turn their attention back to the match. Midway through the match, Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Mr. Perfect make their way down to the ring. Perfect hop up on the apron to distract the referee as Mero goes to the top rope for the Wild Thing. This allows Helmsley to push Mero off the top rope, allowing Razor to hit the Blade Outskirt for the three and the win. The match isn't bad, but no one needed to see this match have two commercial breaks.
The show closes with the feed from Brian Pillman's house coming back. Pillman is being restrained by his friends. Kevin Kelly clarifies that no one got shot and that Austin left after seeing the gun. With perfect timing, Austin returns. Pillman's friends drag Austin away as Pillman hobbles over, telling his friends to (very clearly) get out of the f*cking way. Pillman's wife breaks down into tears as Pillman's continues hopping towards Austin and cursing up a storm as the show closes.
That's it for RAW. Onto Nitro.
Nitro
Nitro kicks off with a shot of Sting, who's actually in the rafters this time.
We then get a familiar shot of members of the nWo in the crowd, this time it's the Giant, Ted DiBiase, and Vincent before heading to the commentary booth. Tony Schiavone announces that tonight will see the beginning of a tournament to crown the first WCW Women's Champion, a title so unimportant that it doesn't even last a full year. Hell, this tournament can't even make it out of the first round before WCW decides to shove it off to the sideshows. Schiavone adds that Eric Bischoff is absent from Nitro this week, as he's currently working on making a match-up between Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper official.
Brad Armstrong vs Marcus Bagwell with Scotty Riggs
Nitro's opening match pits Brad Armstrong against one half of the American Males...American Males....in Marcus Bagwell. These two end up having a solid opener, going back and forth and putting on an enjoyable match. This match shows the beginning of Bagwell's turn from Marcus to Buff, getting frustrated during the match before slapping Armstrong. Also, there's a point in this match where Armstrong takes a nasty bump on the outside following a body vault from Bagwell. The thud he makes when he hits the ground is rough to hear. Bagwell ends up taking the win after getting the better end of a double crossbody.
Diamond Dallas Page vs Ice Train with Teddy Long
Nick Patrick is refereeing this match, and since it features one of Teddy Long's clients, there's gonna be some shenanigans. Anyway, Kevin Nash & Scott Hall appear in the crowd during a DDP match for the second week in a row. They end up leaving halfway through the match, only to return when Page gets knocked out of the ring by Ice Train. Nick Patrick, uncharacteristically, leaves the ring to check on Page, allowing The Outsiders pop up and smash Ice Train behind the back with their Tag Team Championships. Patricks sees none of this as Ice Train pretty much no-sells the attack and gets to his feet. DDP sneaks his way back in and hits the Diamond Cutter for the three and the win. This match isn't really anything, and it's something we've seen quite a few times already. Schiavone quickly assumes that DDP is now part of the nWo.
Dean Malenko (c) vs Scotty Riggs with Marcus Bagwell-WCW Cruiserweight Championship
Wait...Scotty Riggs is a cruiserweight? Apparently, as Larry Zbyszko says he's just made the cut after going through lighter training following a shoulder injury. Whether or not that's true is up for debate. During the match, Syxx pops up in the crowd as these two end up having another solid match on this show. The finish sees Riggs head to the top rope, only for Malenko to hit the ropes and send him crashing down on the ring apron. Bagwell shows another sign of a heel turn and throws Riggs right back into the ring after the nasty fall. Malenko wastes no time cradling Riggs for the three and the win to retain his title. The American Males argue before the commercial break.
Chris Benoit vs Hector Guerrero
Going from one Guerrero one week to another the next week, Chris Benoit takes on Eddie Guerrero's older brother Hector Guerrero, aka the former Gobbledy Gooker and future TNA-Spanish commentator. During the match, we get a picture-in-picture with Jimmy Hart & Kevin Sullivan, who dispute Benoit's claim from Saturday Night that he's Sullivan's not the man he used to be before Sullivan says that Benoit can have it the easy way or the hard way in Baltimore. He ends by saying that he'll see him in the bathroom in Baltimore. Oddly enough, the weirdest part of that sentence was the Baltimore part (see Great American Bash 1996 if you don't get the bathroom comment) because World War 3 isn't in Baltimore, nor is any Nitro leading up to it. Anyway, this match is pretty great. Hector might not be as good as Eddie was, but he's still great and he works very well with Benoit just like his brother. The finish is really wonky, with Guerrero getting what looks like a visual three off a "Kiwi leg roll" as Schiavone calls it, but the referee stops a count when it looks like Benoit gets a shoulder up (it's hard to tell if the shoulder is up.) Woman takes the opportunity to pull Guerrero off of Benoit. This distracts Guerrero long enough for Benoit to roll up Guerrero, pulling him closer to the ropes so he can use them for leverage even though he already got the three count. Like I said, messy finish, but the match is still a very fun watch. After the match, Benoit & Woman join Steve McMichael, Debra, and Jeff Jarrett up at the stage for an interview with Mike Tenay. Jarrett refers to himself as the lead horse of the horsemen, which is immediately interrupted by Benoit, who says the horsemen will take care of problems by a horsemen. Mongo takes a shot at Jarrett for acting like WCW belongs to him and says him & Benoit will keep things locked down when while Ric Flair and Arn Anderson are injured before everyone but Jarrett leaves. Jarrett starts talking, only for Sting to pop up in the crowd. Without noticing him, Jarrett takes a shot at Sting, saying WCW can't count on him and that he turned his back on WCW. Jarrett says the nWo is going down. The promo is not bad, but man, having the Horsemen boot him out of the conversation, and then have Jarrett stay and keep talking when his "teammates" leave was bad. Jarrett did not leave this segment looking good.
Reina Jubuki vs Madusa
Reina Jubuki is Akira Hokuto, who wrestled at World War 3 last year, under a gimmick she uses in CMLL. I'm making note of this because the person who wins this tournament is...Akira Hokuto. Does she win this match? No. No, she does not. She dominates the majority of the match, only for Madusa to hit a German suplex and gets the three. So how does Hokuto win this? Well, Hokuto ends up in the tournament as Jubuki and as herself, and she wins it and the title. This tournament was so poorly thought out that they couldn't get 8 women to wrestle in it. Anyway, the only thing of real note in this match is the appearance of ZERO (Japanese wrestler Chigusa Nagayo) and her manager Sonny Onoo. The two walk down to ringside and Onoo calls Madusa "everything wrong with this country" and a "chemical dumping ground" before comparing her to American cars: full of peroxide and falling plastic. I don't know what is happening with this.
Mr. Wallstreet vs Chris Jericho
Man, if there's any wrestler who shouldn't be wrestling on TV in 1996, it's Mr. Wallstreet. He's just so bland that he sticks out like a sore thumb and drags down the match when's he wrestling guys like Jericho. The match only ever picks up when Jericho is in control, but Wallstreet controls most of it and it results in a really boring match. Jericho ends up winning with a small package. Following this, Mike Tenay interviews Nick Patrick and his lawyer at the stage. Jericho opts to stick around for this and claims that Patrick's neck is perfectly fine and that he's on the nWo's payroll. The lawyer takes a shot at Jericho's father, calling him an "NHL goon." Teddy Long walks down and interjects, taking objection to what happened earlier during the DDP-Ice Train match and calls Patrick a "playa hater." The lawyer brings up Long's history as a referee and how he was suspended for several infractions. Jericho interjects says Patrick's "mistakes" are actually pre-meditated and hurting everyone. Tenay quickly ends the interview there.
Booker T with Sister Sherri vs Lex Luger
Since Luger decided to f*ck off and abandon their match last week, he and Booker T are facing off yet again. Before the match, Luger cuts a picture-in-picture promo, hoping that Sting refuses the nWo's offers asks Sting for just a minute to talk to him face-to-face. Much like last week, this is a pretty solid match. But also, just like last week, the finish is screwy as all hell, courtesy of Col. Rob Parker this week. Parker, who was absent last week following him costing Harlem Heat the Tag Team Championships at Halloween Havoc, pops up to cheer on Booker. As Booker yells at the crowd, Parker hops up on the ring apron. Booker responds by grabbing and threatening Parker, allowing Luger to roll up Booker for the three and the win.
The last 20-minutes of Nitro are dedicated to Hogan vs Piper. Eric Bischoff calls in and says that Piper's agent is getting in the way of booking the match. This match...that already happened in 1985...is the match of the 1990s. I don't know if that's just WCW's hardcore exaggerating or a statement about how bad the wrestling industry was in 1996. They then replay THE END OF HALLOWEEN HAVOC FOR THE SECOND WEEK IN A ROW! ARE YOU SERIOUS!? They're really getting their money's worth with the closing segment of this one pay-per-view. Following that, Hulk Hogan, the Giant, Vincent, and Ted DiBiase make their way down to the ring. He rants about not being invited to or nominated for the CableACE Awards and threatens to show up anyway even if he's not. He then turns his attention to Piper, calling him a sissy in a skirt and saying he tried to goad Piper into a fight. He says Piper is scared to wrestle him says you can find him next to Randy Savage in their rest homes. He says he'll be champion from this day before DiBiase leaves Hogan to pose in the ring for the second week in a row.
And that's about it. I don't even really know. Neither show was all that good. I might just have to give it to RAW again this week. Even if the majority of the show was bland, the stuff with Austin and Pillman was so great that I think it drags the whole show up a notch. If the Austin-Pillman stuff didn't happen, then Nitro would win by a landslide. But since it did, it's a close win for RAW. Nitro's started getting a little formulaic, especially towards the end of it. Like, these past two episodes felt exactly the same to me. Point to RAW.
RAW: 22
Nitro: 33
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