RAW
- Shawn Michaels with Jose Lothario vs Marty Jannetty with Leif Cassidy & Jim Cornette-Why is Jim Cornette out with the New Rockers? No idea, it is not explained. Michaels & Jannetty get in each others faces before Jannetty forces Michaels into the corner. The two fight into the ropes before being forced to break. Michaels follows up with a hip toss before both men kip up. Jannetty takes Michaels down with a headlock, which Michaels turns into headscissors. Jannetty gets a near fall off a jackknife cover before countering a backslide, but missing a clothesline. Jannetty follows up with two arm drags, a hip toss, and a punch before Michaels comes back with a hip toss, two arm drags, and a dropkick that sends Jannetty out of the ring. Back in the ring, Jannetty goes for 10 punches in the corner, but Michaels counters it with an inverted atomic drop and a clothesline. Michaels hits a diving axe handle and goes for Sweet Chin Music, but Leif Cassidy pulls Jannetty out of the ring to save him. Michaels takes out Cassidy with a baseball slide but gets caught with a diving axe handle from Jannetty off the apron. Cassidy stomps away at Michaels while Cornette distracts the referee before throwing him back in the ring. Jannetty snapmares Michaels for a near fall before hitting a back body drop. Jannetty controls the match until Michaels hits a crossbody for a near fall. Jannetty comes back with a clothesline for a near fall before putting Michaels in a headlock. Michaels is able to fight out of it and get a near fall off a roll up, but Jannetty throws him through the turnbuckles to the post for a near fall of his own. Michaels dodges a move in the corner and monkey flips Jannetty, who lands on his feet and clotheslines Michaels. Jannetty goes for a flying nothing off the second rope, but Michaels gets his boot up and blocks it. Michaels comes back with a bulldog before hitting a flying forearm and a body slam. Michaels dropkicks Jannetty before going for a piledriver. Jannetty counters it with a hurricanrana, but Michaels rolls through and gets a near fall off a roll up. Michaels hits a diving crossbody, but Jannetty rolls through for a near fall before clotheslining Michaels for a near fall before the commercial break. We come back to Jannetty hitting the Rocker Dropper before going to the top rope. Jannetty goes for a diving fist drop, but Michaels dodges it and hits a piledriver. Michaels goes to the top rope and hits an elbow drop before finishing the match with Sweet Chin Music. Really good match. After the match, Cassidy attacks Michaels but gets some Sweet Chin Music for his troubles. Jim Cornette tries to hit Michaels with his tennis racket but gets clocked by Jose Lothario.
- Mankind vs Duke Droese-Jake Roberts, who faces Mankind at In Your House: International Incident, is on commentary for this match. The two go right to fighting before Mankind forces Droese to the corner. Mankind dominates Droese as Lawler makes fun of Roberts for being a recovering addict. It's kind of uncomfortable and gets even more uncomfortable as Roberts gets really angry on commentary. Despite some offense, Mankind easily wins with the Mandible Claw. Lawler ends up slapping Roberts twice before Roberts grabs him and chokes him. However, Mankind comes over and applies the Mandible Claw to Roberts.
- Goldust with Marlena vs Marc Mero with Sable-Stone Cold, who faces Marc Mero at International Incident, is on commentary for this match. He says he would have beaten the Undertaker had Goldust not interfered, but he'll beat him later down the line. The two fight into the ropes before being forced to break. The two go back and forth before Mero hits a crossbody for a near fall. Mero follows up with an uppercut before Goldust leaves the ring. Back in the ring, both men hit arm drags before Mero dropkicks Goldust, who leaves the ring again before the commercial break. We come back to the two fighting at ringside. They go back in the ring, where Goldust clotheslines Mero. Goldust controls the match before Mero rolls through on a waist lock and gets a near fall. Goldust quickly retains control of the match with a punch, a bodyslam, and a fist drop for a near fall before another commercial break. We come back to Mero working over the arm of Goldust with knee strikes. Goldust dodges an elbow drop and punches away at Mero before slapping him. Goldust controls the match until Mero stands up out of a camel clutch and hits an electric chair drop. Mero hits a powerslam for a near fall before both men go down on a double clothesline spot. Suddenly, Marlena goes over to Sable and looks her up & down. Meanwhile, Mero hits an inverted atomic drop, a big punch, and a back body drop. Mero goes to the top rope for a double axe handle and a near fall. Mero hits a knee strike as Marlena blows smoke in Sable's face. Mero gets distracted by this, allowing Goldust to hit the Curtain Call for the win. This was kind of...nothing.
Nitro
- Before the show starts, Diamond Dallas Page comes down to the commentary table. He says somebody stole his Lord of the Ring ring and demands the building be put on lockdown and everybody be searched. He then leaves.
- Harlem Heat (c) vs The Steiner Brothers-WCW Tag Team Championships-After last week where everything went totally bonkers and Harlem Heat got a sneaky win to get the titles, they defend them against the team that didn't get pinned in the triangle match. Scott Steiner & Booker T start off with Steiner hitting a fireman's carry takeover. The two go back and forth before Steiner hits a twisting belly-to-belly suplex. Steiner gorilla presses Booker before clotheslining him out of the ring before the commercial break. We come back to see the Four Horsemen at their VIP section at ringside. Meanwhile, we see Stevie Ray clothesline Rick Steiner back in the ring. Steiner comes back with a German suplex and a clothesline, but Booker breaks up the pin. Scott tags in and goes for a backslide, but Stevie Ray rolls through, only to run into a belly-to-belly suplex. Rick & Booker tag in as Col. Rob Parker comes down to ringside. Steiner catches Booker off a leapfrog and slams him before clotheslining him. Booker comes back with a Harlem Sidekick followed by a diving crossbody for a near fall. Booker bodyslams Steiner and goes to the top rope, but Steiner meets him there for a super belly-to-belly suplex. Steiner makes the cover but only gets a two count. Scott tags in for a double underhook power bomb for a near fall, but gets cheap shotted by Stevie, allowing Booker to hit a crescent kick. Stevie tags in for a powerslam & an elbow drop for a near fall. Stevie bodyslams Steiner before tagging Booker in. Stevie hits a sidewalk slam before Booker hits a top rope splash, but Rick breaks up the fall. After a double clothesline spot, Rick Steiner gets the hot tag and bodyslams both members of Harlem Heat. Steiner powerslams Booker, but Stevie breaks up the fall. Chaos ensues as Scott hits a Frankensteiner on Booker and makes the cover, but he's not the legal man. Stevie & Scott fight to the outside as Rick hits a diving bulldog. The Steiners go for the Steinerizer, a diving bulldog/electric chair combo, but Col. Parker knocks Rick off the top rope with his walking stick, allowing Booker to make the cover and get the win. Good match, but it had a bullsh*t ending.
- Mean Gene interviews the Four Horsemen & co. at the VIP section. Debra says Mongo is a great athlete and he can make more money wrestling than he did in the NFL. Miss Elizabeth says she still has tons of Macho Man's money before Arn Anderson says the Horsemen run the professional wrestling world. He says head will roll tonight with the Horsemen at full strength before Mongo says money makes the monkey dance.
- GLACIER VIGNETTE!
- Disco Inferno vs Kurasawa-The two trade wristlocks to start before Kurasawa hits a spin kick. Kurasawa chops Disco before they do martial arts moves at each other. Kurasawa controls the match before Disco rolls out of the ring. Disco kicks the ring steps and hurts his foot. It's pretty funny. Kurasawa brings Disco back in the ring and hits a Samoan Drop. Kurasawa has Disco dead to rights when Disco's music suddenly starts playing. Outcomes someone dressed like Elvis...who is not disco-related in any way. This distracts the Kurasawa & the referee, which prompts Disco to call down a disco ball from the ceiling. No joke.Disco hits Kurasawa in the back with the disco ball and sends it back up before making the cover and getting the win.
- Scotty Riggs vs Diamond Dallas Page-Before the match, Jim Duggan cuts a picture-in-picture promo, saying he didn't steal DDP's ring, which means Jim Duggan definitely stole DDP's ring. DDP takes Riggs to the corner and beats him down before hitting a side suplex. Riggs comes back with a crossbody for a near fall, but DDP quickly clocks him for a near fall of his own. DDP applies the dreaded abdominal stretch while grabbing the ropes for leverage like a heel. Referee Nick Patrick catches him and kicks his hand off the ropes, allowing Riggs to hip toss DDP. Page comes back with a jawbreaker for a near fall before Riggs gets a near fall off a roll up. Page clotheslines Riggs before hitting a pumphandle back breaker. Page goes for it again, but Riggs rolls through and gets a near fall off a roll up. Riggs dropkicks Page out of the ring before hitting a springboard crossbody off the apron. Back in the ring, Riggs hits a flying forearm and makes the cover, but Page gets his foot on the ropes. Riggs tries to bodyslam Page, but Page rolls through and hits the Diamond Cutter for the win. Pretty decent match, nothing special. After the match, Mean Gene interviews DDP. Page says everyone in WCW is jealous of him and says he'll win his taped fist match at Bash at the Beach. He searches Mean Gene for the ring before walking off.
- Greg Valentine vs Randy Savage-Jesus, where the f*ck did Greg Valentine come from? AND HOW THE HELL DOES HIS HAIR STILL LOOK THAT GOOD AT 45!?That's just unnatural. The two wrestle into the ropes & the corner before the referee breaks them up. Valentine follows up with a drop-toe hold, but Savage kicks him away. Valentine hits a double axe handle off the middle rope before Savage floors Valentine with a boot for a near fall. The two fight to the outside, go back in the ring, then Valentine throws Savage back out of the ring. Valentine beats down Savage at ringside before bringing him back in the ring for a back breaker and a near fall. Savage fights back and bodyslams Valentine before going for the top rope elbow drop, but Valentine catches him with a punch. Valentine hits a back suplex, then completely corpses. He plays dead after hitting a back suplex while Savage hits the top rope elbow drop for the win. What the f*ck was that?
- It's hour two, which brings out Bischoff & Heenan for commentary. He thanks the fans for their support before saying Nash & Hall didn't scare anybody by powerbombing him off the stage. Suddenly, the crowd starts going nuts. We see Hall & Nash coming through the crowd with popcorn & sodas. Also, unrelated note, I might be the only person from Ohio who doesn't call soda "pop." Security tells them to leave, but Hall & Nash reveal they bought tickets to the show.
- John Tenta vs The Giant with Jimmy Hart-The Giant quickly headbutts Tenta before Tenta shoves him. The two trade strikes before Tenta hits a corner splash, which Giant responds to with a clothesline. The Giant beats down Tenta in the corner before bodyslamming him. The Giant controls the match for so long you begin to wonder why this match is still going on. Tenta manages to get some offense in before hitting a diving clothesline off the second rope and a dropkick. Jimmy Hart gets up on the apron, so Tenta yanks him in the ring. Kevin Sullivan runs down to distract Tenta long enough for Giant to hit a roundhouse kick and a chokeslam for the win. This was sh*t. The Giant should not need help to beat John Tenta. After the match, Big Bubba comes down to the ring and shaves half of Tenta's beard.I swear if John Tenta shows up at Bash at the Beach with half a beard, I'm going to...complain about it online, I guess. Next week on Nitro, Big Bubba shaves one of John Tenta's armpits, probably. After that, Mean Gene interviews the barbershop quartet. Jimmy Hart says what happened just now is what will happen to Arn Anderson & Chris Benoit before Bubba questions how much humiliation can Tenta take. The Giant says Tenta made the mistake of leaving the Dungeon of Doom and says Big Bubba will shave his entire body. Please don't put that on Nitro, I really don't want to see a hairless John Tenta. Giant turns his attention to the Four Horsemen, who he says are jealous of him and says they'll leave Bash at the Beach as four...something neither I nor the WWE Network closed captioning could make out.
The Giant leaves, only to come back and says Sullivan is not a weak link.
- They start showing a hype video for Rey Mysterio Jr. before Hall & Nash get some mics. They say they're taking over early before security and a bunch of wrestlers come out to stop them. At one point, Nash audibly says "get the f*ck off" to one of the security guards. Security escorts Hall & Nash out of the arena.
- Mean Gene interviews Jim Duggan. Guess what...Jim Duggan has DDP's ring!Duggan says he found it in the bathroom and says he'll give it back. DDP comes in and yells that Duggan stole his ring. Duggan drops it on the floor, then tapes his fist and clocks DDP when he gets back up after picking up the ring.
- The Four Horsemen with Woman, Miss Elizabeth, and Debra vs The Rock 'n' Roll Express, Joe Gomez, and The Renegade-Anderson & Morton start off before the match quickly devolves into a brawl. Flair tags in and gets back body dropped by Morton. Morton follows up with a hurricanrana before Gibson gets in for a double dropkick for a near fall. Gibson tags in and hits a shoulder block before Anderson tags in. Gibson hits a step-up enziguri before Benoit tags in. Gibson hits a shoulder block followed by a hip toss before the Renegade tags in. Chris Benoit vs The Renegade. Not since Cesaro vs The Great Khali have I seen a greater difference in talent between two opponents. Benoit chops Renegade into the corner before tagging in Flair, who gets clotheslined by Renegade. Gomez tags in and beats down Flair in the corner before hitting a back body drop for a near fall. Flair jabs his thumb in Gomez's eye before tagging in Benoit. Benoit beats down Gomez in the corner before tagging in Mongo. Mongo gives Gomez a couple of super stiff shots before tagging in Flair for a chop. The Horsemen control the match, getting the heat on Gomez. You know, the only guy on the babyface team who has a match at Bash at the Beach. It makes no sense. Are you telling me the Renegade couldn't get the piss beat out of him for five minutes, then let Gomez run wild and look even remotely strong? So far, all we've seen of this guy is he got his ass kicked by the Horsemen twice and beat Disco Inferno. Gomez manages to create some space after kicking Anderson in the face. Flair tags in and knees him the back and out of the ring. Renegade, however, is able to make a blind tag and runs wild on the Horsemen. The Rock 'n' Roll Express take out Anderson & Benoit before Renegade goes to the top rope. Then this happens:Mongo completely whiffs on a briefcase shot, and the Renegade hits a Swanton Bomb on nothing. It's laughably bad. Flair quickly applies the Figure Four and gets the submission win. This was...bad. Gomez, the one babyface who shouldn't be taking the heat is taking the heat, and the finish was a botch. After the match, Mean Gene interviews the Horsemen & co. Mean Gene says Mike Ditka wouldn't be proud of what he says, but Mongo doesn't care. He says the Horsemen are his team now and he'll do whatever it takes to win. Benoit says he must not have beaten Sullivan bad enough last time and the World Heavyweight Championship will come back to the Horsemen. Anderson says the fire has been lit in Benoit and Flair says he'll beat Konnan for the United States Championship at Bash at the Beach. Oh yeah, Ric Flair is facing Konnan at Bash at the Beach for the United States Championship. This is like, the only mention of this. See what I mean about the United States Championship being dead? Raven needs to show up and save this title, ASAP.
- We close the show seeing security STILL escorting Hall & Nash out of the arena. Jesus, it's been like half an hour. Hall & Nash drive off to close the show.
RAW: 17
Nitro: 22
That's it for this edition of RAW vs Nitro. Stay tuned for the next one.
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