RAW vs Nitro #45 (8/12/96)

Welcome back to another edition of RAW vs Nitro. Click here to read the last one if you missed it. So let's get into it, this is RAW vs Nitro #45.

RAW

• We find out before the show that Ahmed Johnson had to undergo emergency surgery for his ruptured kidney.
• Faarooq Assad with Sunny vs Skip-Yes, Faarooq does wrestle in that goofy silver helmet thing, in case you were wondering.
  
  Faarooq quickly takes control, tossing Skip out of the ring before clotheslining him to the ground. Back in the ring, Skip tries for a crossbody, but Faarooq catches him and hits a fallaway slam. Despite some offense from Skip, Faarooq dominates the match before finishing Skip off with the Dominator, an inverted front powerslam. A solid way to build up Faarooq as a big threat.
• Crush with Clarence Mason vs Savio Vega-So yes, the man who Clarence Mason was trying to get back into the WWF was Crush, the former Demolition member and Hawaiian surfer. He was legitimately arrested & jailed for buy steroids and possessing an illegal handgun, but now he's out of jail and back in the WWF. He's even got a new look, complete with dreadlocks, a nose ring, and an incredibly phallic tattoo on his forehead.
  
  I can just picture the creative team sitting around planning Crush's return, and someone just blurting out "draw a cock on his face!" Mason takes a seat at commentary for this match, saying that Crush was never convicted of a crime. Vega tries to strike away at Crush, but Crush quickly overpowers him and beats him down. Crush dominates the match, taking Vega to the outside and throwing him into the ring post. Back in the ring, Crush controls the match for 6 STRAIGHT MINUTES, cutting off all comeback attempts by Vega until Vega hits a spinning heel kick. Vega goes for the Caribbean Kick, but Crush avoids it before applying a full nelson for the submission victory. This was really boring.
• Sunny is backstage trying on bikinis behind a screen backstage...that's it.
• Kevin Kelly interviews Ahmed Johnson in his home. He says the mental pain hurts more than his physical pain right now before saying that he may lose his kidney. He says he may not be able to perform at his highest level again.
• The Godwinns with Hillbilly Jim vs TL Hopper & Who-Remember that classic Abbott & Costello routine "Who's on First?" Well the WWF, always ones to capitalize on the peak of something's popularity, dug up this 40-year-old joke to create Who.
  
  "Who's in the ring." Nobody laughed. Who is actually Jim Neidhart, portraying his second worst gimmick ever. In case you were wondering, this is the worst. Bob Backlund wanders down to the commentary table and takes a seat. Who and Henry Godwinn start off with Henry hitting a hip toss. Phineas & Hopper tag in and Phineas body slams Hopper. The heels end up taking control and hit a double back body drop as Backlund goes on a bizarre rant about how they can't teach kids in school "thou shall not steal or kill" but they can teach kids how to not get AIDS. I'm not even joking.
  
  What the f*ck is this episode of RAW. Like, I was not prepared for the dick-shaped face tattoo and AIDS talk. Backlund goes so bonkers on commentary that his headset falls off his head.
  
  So after that, we get a picture-in-picture interview with Gorilla Monsoon, who declares he Intercontinental Championship vacant due to Ahmed Johnson's injury. He announces a single-elimination tournament to crown a new champion. During all this chaos, the Godwinns win after Henry Godwinn hits the Slop Drop on Who.
• Mr. Perfect interviews Bret Hart on a cruise ship. He says he may not ever come back to the WWF.
• Owen Hart with Jim Cornette vs Shawn Michaels with Jose Lothario-The two trade holds before Hart slaps Michaels. Hart retreats to the corner before knocking Michaels to the ground. Michaels takes Hart down with a leg sweep before getting sent over the top rope, only for him to skin the cat, pull Hart out of the ring with his legs and take him out with a plancha. Back in the ring, Michaels avoids a spinning heel kick and gets a near fall off a crossbody. Michaels controls the match for a long time until Hart catches Michaels with a belly-to-belly suplex. Hart stomps away at Michaels before hitting a backbreaker before the commercial break. We come back to Hart hitting another backbreaker before locking in a Camel Clutch. Hart controls the match until Michaels dodges an enziguri attempt and hits a flying forearm. Michaels fires up, hits a powerslam and a diving elbow drop before calling for Sweet Chin Music. However, Vader runs down and hops up on the ring apron to distract him. Michaels dropkicks Vader off the apron before hitting Sweet Chin Music on Hart in the chest. Michaels hits Sweet Chin Music one more time for the win. This match was fine. After the match, Vader grabs a chair as Michaels rips Hart's cast off his arm. Jim Cornette tosses Hart his tennis racket, but Michaels takes it and hits Hart on the head with it. Vader gets in the ring and beats down Michaels before hitting the Vader Bomb twice. Vader goes to the top rope for the Vadersault, but the show ends before he hits it.

Action. Drama. Cock tattoos and AIDS prevention talk. How can Nitro top that? Let's see.

But first! A quick recap of Hog Wild, which happened two days before this episode of Nitro

• Rey Mysterio Jr. retained the Cruiserweight Championship against Ultimo Drago after hitting a top rope hurricanrana.
• Scott Norton defeated Ice Train by submission with a Fujiwara armbar.
• Madusa & Bull Nakano faced off in "Battle of the Bikes", where the winner of the match got to destroy the loser's motorcycle. Madusa won after Nakano accidentally pinned herself off a back suplex. As a result, Madusa destroyed Nakano's bike.
• Chris Benoit defeated Dean Malenko, rolling him up after Woman distracted Malenko while Benoit held the ropes.
• Harlem Heat defended the WCW Tag Team Championships against the Steiner Brothers. The finish came when Col. Rob Parker tried to throw powder in Scott Steiner's face. Steiner dodged it and Booker T took the powder shot, but Sister Sherri was able to throw powder in Steiner's face still. Parker then broke his cane over Steiner's back, allowing Booker to pick up the win.
• Ric Flair retained the United States Championship against Eddie Guerrero. Flair locked in the figure four, but Guerrero didn't submit, instead keeping his shoulders down for a three count.
• Sting & Lex Luger faced the Outsiders. As Luger was trying to lock in the Torture Rack on Scott Hall, he bumped referee Nick Patrick. This causes to Patrick to stumble into a chop block Luger's knee "inadvertently." I put quotations around inadvertently because it was blatantly obvious he did it on purpose. This allowed Hall to pin Luger for the win.
• In the main event, The Giant defended the WCW World Heavyweight Championship against Hulk Hogan. If you want a full rundown of the match, click here for my Worst in the World post about it. Hall & Nash ended up running down at the end of the match as the referee was down and both ate chokeslams for their troubles. However, Hogan ended up clocking the Giant with the title belt and covered Giant for the win and the title. After the match, the Booty Man came down to the ring with a cake and an nWo t-shirt on, but the nWo just beats him up. Hogan then spraypaints "nWo" over the title belt to close the show.
  

Nitro

• I'm just going preface this part of the post by saying that the first hour of this Nitro is abysmal. Everything that is even half important on this show happens during the second hour, so we're left with WCW's most expendable talent and few good wrestlers. Need proof. Here's the first match on the show.
• High Voltage & Rough & Ready vs Kevin Sullivan, The Faces of Fear, and Hugh Morrus with Jimmy Hart & Big Bubba and I'm already bored. So Kevin Sullivan has forgone ring gear tonight, instead sporting a t-shirt and jeans.
  
  There's really nothing I can really talk about. 99% of this match is utter chaos with no tags and everyone just brawling/doing stuff to kill time. The Dungeon of Doom ended up winning before Rough & Ready beat up High Volage.
• Sting & Lex Luger come down to the commentary table. Luger says him & Sting are tired of following the rules and they won't have any more sleepless nights. They challenge the Outsiders to a match right now. They don't end up coming out.
• GLACIER VIGNETTE!

Blood Has Run Cold For: 16 Episodes

• The Renegade vs Diamond Dallas Page-God, could you imagine getting teased with Hall & Nash and you end up getting the Renegade? Renegade hits an arm drag before the two trade holds. Renegade ends up flooring DDP with a shoulder block before DDP clotheslines him. DDP stomps away at Renegade and gets a near fall before hitting a swinging neckbreaker for another near fall. DDP controls the match until Renegade nearly gets a roll up win. Renegade comes back with a few clotheslines and goes for a suplex, but DDP lands on his feet and hits the Diamond Cutter for the win. This was nothing.
• The nWo are backstage. They accept Sting & Luger's challenge before saying that their fourth guy is in the room with them, but tells him to stay off camera.
• Konnan vs Jim Powers-Konnan quickly strikes away at Powers before locking in an abdominale stretch. Powers breaks the hold and comes back with a clothesline before hitting a hip toss and a bodyslam. Powers follows up with another clothesline before Konnan rolls out of the ring. Back in the ring, Konnan pulls Powers down to the mat by his hair before hitting a basement dropkick. Konnan controls the match before Powers rams Konnan's head into the corner. Powers follows up with a knee lift and a dropkick, only for Konnan to pin him with his feet on the ropes for the win. This was lame as well. After the match, Mean Gene interviews Konnan. He says if the fans hate him so much they shouldn't have bought a ticket to see him. However, he shifts focus and says he's sticking with WCW in the war against the "New World Odor." What a confusing promo. He started out as a heel, only to switch to babyface midway through.
•  Ron Studd vs Chris Benoit with Woman & Miss Elizabeth-Guess who Ron Studd is?
  
  You might recognize him better wrapped in toilet paper. That's right.
  
  IT'S THE YETAY! Yep, he's back as a generic big guy. He dwarfs Benoit in terms of size. Benoit slaps him twice before Studd beats him down in the corner. However, Benoit quickly gets him off his feet and works over Studd's leg. Benoit controls the match for until Studd bodyslams him and goes to the top rope. However, Benoit meets him there and superplexes Studd for the win. Again, not too much to talk about. After the match, Mean Gene interviews Benoit. He puts over Malenko as one of the best technical wrestlers today, but he says he's on an agenda. He says the Horsemen will fulfill that agenda no matter what it takes before saying he will knock the Giant down to size at Clash of the Champions.
• Harlem Heat (c) with Col. Rob Parker & Sister Sherri vs The Steiner Brothers-WCW World Tag Team Championships-Instant brawl to start the match, ending with the Steiners booting Harlem Heat from the ring. Booker T & Scott Steiner start off the match with Steiner hitting a powerslam. Steiner follows up with a belly-to-belly suplex before clotheslining Stevie Ray, leading to Harlem Heat recovering outside the ring. Stevie Ray & Rick Steiner tag in, where Stevie strikes away at Steiner before Steiner hits a back body drop. Scott Steiner tags in and slaps on a headlock before the commercial break. We come back to Rick Steiner suplexing Booker T. Booker leaves the ring and leads Rick Steiner right into a clothesline by Stevie Ray. Stevie follows up with a bodyslam on the outside before throwing Steiner back in the ring. Steiner ends up catching Booker on a leapfrog and hits a powerslam for a near fall before tagging in Scott Steiner, who hits a double underhook suplex on Booker, but Stevie breaks up the fall. Rick Steiner & Stevie Ray brawl to the outside as Scott Steiner tries to suplex Booker from the apron to the ring. However, Sherri pulls Steiner's foot out from under him, allowing Booker to land on Steiner. The ref starts to count, but Rick Steiner chases Rob Parker into the ring, where he trips over the pinfall to cause a DQ. I can't remember the last time a Harlem Heat match had a clean finish. After the match, Harlem Heat confronts Parker before Sherri breaks them up.
• Rey Mysterio Jr. (c) vs Ultimate Dragon with Sonny Onoo-WCW Cruiserweight Championship-So for some reason, Ultimo Dragon is "Ultimate Dragon: for this match. Dragon starts by kicking Mysterio to death before hitting a jumping spin kick. Or as Eric Bischoff calls it a "jump back spin side kick." Jesus...Dragon follows up with a backbreaker rack drop for a near fall, leaving Bobby Heenan stunned. Dragon continues with a handspring back elbow and a running powerbomb. Dragon goes to the top rope for a diving splash, but Mysterio blocks it with his boot before sending Dragon out of the ring with a springboard hurricanrana. Mysterio follows up with a somersault plancha before going back to the ring. Mysterio goes for a double jump crossbody out of the corner, but Dragon catches him with a dropkick. Mysterio leaves the ring, leaving him open to a wrecking ball dropkick. Dragon skins the cat and comes back into the ring so he can dive to the outside, taking out Mysterio with a suicide dive. Holy sh*t, this guy is awesome. Back in the ring, Dragon lands on his feet off a back body drop and hits a dragon suplex, but Mysterio kicks out. Dragon bodyslams Mysterio and goes to the top rope for a moonsault, but Mysterio kicks out again. Dragon hits a springboard moonsault and goes for a powerbomb, but Mysterio rolls through and rolls up Dragon for the win to retain the title. This was great. Some of the best wrestling that's been on Nitro in a while.
• So last week, Randy Savage said he negotiated a shot against whoever the World Heavyweight Champion was after Hog Wild. Guess what's not happening tonight.
• Ric Flair (c) with Woman & Miss Elizabeth vs Randy Savage-United States Championship-Savage rushes the ring and the match starts with a brawl. Savage beats down Flair before spitting at Flair. Savage no sells some chops before jabbing away at Flair, who rolls out of the ring. Savage follows him out and the two fight at the entrance way. Flair ends up low blowing Savage before the commercial break. We come back to Flair & Savage trading blows in the ring. Savage back body drops Flair before hitting a diving double axe handle. Savage goes for it again, but Flair catches him with a shot to the stomach. Flair follows up with a chop block to the back of Savage's knee before throwing him out of the ring. Flair controls the match before locking in the figure four. I don't understand the figure four when Flair does it. If he's facing someone like Savage or Sting, it's just a move he does and never wins with. But if he's facing someone below the main eventers like Eddie Guerrero or Konnan, it's a kill blow that can't be escaped and they tap out in seconds. It makes no sense. Savage is able to turn the hold over, only to take a back suplex from Flair for a near fall.  Flair goes to the top rope, but the same thing that happens every time Flair goes to the top rope happens. Savage throws him down to the mat before throwing him onto the apron and clotheslining him down. Flair ends up accidentally clotheslining the referee before Savage clotheslines Flair out of the ring and hits a diving double axe handle off the top rope. Savage pulls away the protective mat outside the ring as Hulk Hogan comes down with a chair.
  
  As Savage goes for a piledriver, Hogan smacks Savage with the chair in the back before smashing it over his head. Hogan throws Savage back into the ring, allowing Flair to pin Savage with his feet on the ropes as Bischoff & Heenan point out that Hogan did not hit Flair.
• Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan. He says the nWo is suddenly seen as important to WCW after they won the World Heavyweight Championship. He says he didn't hit Flair tonight because he doesn't want any excuses at Clash of the Champions and that Flair will be known as the "stupid, little man" after Clash of the Champions.
• The Outsiders vs Sting & Lex Luger-The Outsiders enter through the crowd before Luger comes down to the ring without Sting. Luger takes on the Outsiders 2-on-1 before Sting appears out of the crowd and dives off the top rope for a crossbody on Kevin Nash. Sting & Luger boot the Hall & Nash from the ring before they cover on the outside. Sting & Luger brawl with Nash & Hall respectively on the outside of the ring. Hall takes out Luger off camera before he & Nash double team Sting. Luger recovers and all four men brawl in the ring. Nash tosses Sting over the top rope to the outside, which prompts Bischoff to question why referee Nick Patrick doesn't disqualify the Outsiders. Probably because it's a weird rule that is only followed when they feel like it. They entire match is a brawl, with the Outsiders constantly isolating either Sting and Luger. At one point, Nick Patrick blatantly pulls Hal out of the way of a Stinger Splash.
  
  If we're being honest, Nick Patrick is the absolute worst when it comes to subtlety. First, there was the super obvious chop block at Hog Wild, and then there's this. He has no idea how to do something without making it blatantly obvious what he's doing. Heenan says it might have been an accident because he's dumb, I guess. Come on, Bobby, you're nickname is "the Brain", you're supposed to be smart. The match ends in a no contest when the Four Horsemen come down to the ring, prompting the Outsiders to escape into the crowd. Mean Gene interviews the Horsemen after the match. Flair says he doesn't like Luger & Sting, but he'll stand by them for WCW. He calls out the nWo, saying that all the Horsemen can outmatch the nWo.

And that's about it...thankfully. That was some hard wrestling to watch. Aside from the one good match on Nitro, it was almost impossible to watch by how much filler and nonsense there was. RAW wasn't that good, but man, at least it was a bit watchable and I could have fun with it making jokes about cock tattoos and AIDS prevention. The first hour of Nitro alone pulled it down so much that I have to give the point to RAW.

RAW: 18

Nitro: 27

That's it for this edition of RAW vs Nitro. If you liked what you read, feel free to share this around and as always, stay tuned for the next one!